Please don't take this too seriously.

[Lorizael]

In truth, I've only got my opening monologue planned out. In fact, my current therapist often leaves me silent for half a minute as I try to construct a response to what she's said. This is not usually true for me in conversation.

(Yes, I'm usually silent in conversation with strangers, but not because I'm trying to construct a response to an unanticipated statement.)

[Elok]

Do you have CAPD?

[Lorizael]

Central auditory processing disorder? I don't think so. I do tend to tune out when people give me directions, though.

[Felch]

Do you have COPD?

[Elok]

Colorado Police Department? I hear they're cool with weed now, and besides, Lori doesn't toke.

[Felch]

Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, but never mind, Elok ruined the joke.

[Lorizael]

Lori doesn't toke, and Lori doesn't smoke, so no COPD.

[Felch]

Joke, toke, and smoke all rhyme, so at least this thread has a little euphony going on.

[Lorizael]

Will my therapist be freaked out if I ask for a copy of her privacy policies before I begin my monologue? Will you guys be freaked out? (I have a copy that I signed at the beginning of therapy, but that was a year and a half ago and I can't find it now.)

[The Mad Monk]

If you're that concerned about it, I don't see where it would be a problem.

[Ben Kenobi]

Well, there is confession.

[Lorizael]

In most states, psychotherapists have a "duty to inform" if a patient reveals that a child, elderly person, or handicapped person is being abused, or if a patient expresses the intent to cause imminent harm to a specific person or group of people (including the patient). None of that is even remotely true for me. I have no desire to cause harm to anyone, and I don't know of anyone who's being abused. But there's always wiggle room here, because it's left to the judgment of the psychotherapist as to whether a patient intends to harm someone. Basically, I'm being paranoid. I don't want my therapist to radically misinterpret what I'm saying a la Speer. But I'm going to be significantly more direct with my therapist, so hopefully there won't be any room for confusion.

[Ben Kenobi]

Lorizael, I would be very careful with your therapist. If she says anything to give you doubt that she has your best interests at hand I would leave and get someone else whom I could trust. In the end, this is what it boils down to.

If you cannot trust your therapist to talk about what is really bothering you, then that's not really helping you, is it? I had a therapist (quite awhile back), who just didn't understand nor care, and I ended up finding another.

Anyways, I would talk this over and make it very clear to your therapist that you really need to talk about something, and that you're going to invoke patient privilege. If she's blasé about it, find someone else.

[Lorizael]

I guess I should stop being so circumspect. So here it is in a slightly less circumspect fashion:

I get really into stuff. Like, a couple years ago I was working on a novel, and I needed a plausible explanation for some made up science thing happening on Europa. So I dug into what is known about Europa, and dug into chemistry and biology, and dug into the jargon scientists use and all that. I was reading journal papers and doing all sorts of research so that I could know as much as possible about what would amount to no more than a paragraph in my novel.

See, when I become interested in something, I research the **** out of it. It can get distracting, really. In fact, I've spent the last week researching just what the **** is wrong with me, because I absolutely have to know, and I have to be certain. It means I sleep less. It means I leave the house less. It means I get so caught up in what I'm researching that I sometimes forget which reality I'm living in.

And I can become interested, and fixated, on anything. It's been happening for decades. Most of the time it only lasts a few days, but sometimes it lasts for years. The fixation only happens in my head, sometimes taking the form of elaborate fantasies. But it never results in any action in the real world because all it is is a desire to know. I just want to know as much as possible about whatever I'm interested in, just in case I ever do encounter my interest in the real world. Then I will be an expert and choose the correct course of action. Except that there's always more to know, which means there's always uncertainty, which means I can never actually risk applying my knowledge.

Monkeys.

[Lorizael]

Christ, you're all calling the police, aren't you? Sigh. I guess it's time to fake my own death and start anew.