Please don't take this too seriously.

[Al B. Sure!]

My original post about this issue was not in any sense prompted by thoughts of non-consensual sex.

It doesn't matter if it is consensual in your head. You know you have a problem. You described it as such. This problem will not just go away. And legal repercussions are very real if you slip for even a second in your vigilance. Those are far worse than the shame of communicating your problem with a therapist. Please tell your therapist and get help.

[Lorizael]

Saying non-consensual sex was not a way for me to skirt around the issue. I was being more generic, so as to include any form of sex that does not involve consenting adults. You don't know what my problem is, Speer.

[Al B. Sure!]

Well this is awkward

[Lorizael]

No, not even by the standards of the IAT.

[Elok]

Oh? What would happen if I didn't get direct intervention immediately?

You might do something drastic in a desperate attempt to give yourself something to be proud of. You might even--and this is a wild hypothetical here--quit your job to join a rabidly nationalistic military organization.

EDIT: Wait, WTF? Did Al seriously think Lori wanted to diddle little kids?

[Felch]

Don't we all?

[Aeson]

[/ecofarm]

[Aeson]

I have three big issues: depression, anxiety, and this. Being depressed and socially anxious just make me a pathetic human being. This issue makes me a bad human being. I'm not too keen on admitting to others that I'm a bad person.

It's posting at Poly, isn't it?

[Al B. Sure!]

There was this:

Can't say anything to you guys here, on a public forum. I might suddenly garner significantly less sympathy from you all, or worse.

It's something I really don't like talking about, something about myself I truly despise.

the only mental issue I have that I've never dealt with in any way, never sought treatment for, never dared talk about.

This issue makes me a bad human being. I'm not too keen on admitting to others that I'm a bad person.

My worry is always this: I exhibit an unhealthy amount of control over my own actions. I don't touch people, I don't get drunk or let loose or do anything spontaneous, I don't enjoy myself. A lot of why that's the case is because I don't trust myself. I would be much better off if I could learn to relax at times. And yet if I do that, it means I'm not entirely in control of my actions any more, and who knows what could happen then. So that's the thing. Everyone has demons, yes, but I believe (rightly or wrongly) that my demons are only on the inside because of the freakish degree to which I circumscribe my actions.

Tell me that does not sound like something extreme like paedophilia? What else could possibly be so heinous if it were to be disclosed?

[Felch]

[/ecofarm]

I miss trolling him.

[Felch]

Tell me that does not sound like something extreme like paedophilia? What else could possibly be so heinous if it were to be disclosed?

Maybe he's a Belieber.

[Aeson]

Tell me that does not sound like something extreme like paedophilia? What else could possibly be so heinous if it were to be disclosed?

Maybe he posts his pics at bodybuilding forums.

[Felch]

Don't we all?

[Lorizael]

Speer, I've been posting here for nearly 13 years, and I've often been very frank about my problems. Don't you think that if I were a pedophile, that would have come through in some way, however small or indirect, before now? I can think of only one aspect of my posting history that might lead one to such a conclusion: my not wanting children. But to reiterate, no, I'm not a pedophile.

In fact, my real problem is evident in my posting history, and fairly transparently at that. ****, I even obliquely mention it in the OP.

[DaShi]

Lori, I know pathetic human beings. And, you sir, are no pathetic human being.