Please don't take this too seriously.

[rah]

I'm sorry but I have to laugh even though it sounds cruel. You think you're broken because you have difficulty dealing with how you feel about women. JOIN THE ****ING CLUB. Women screw with men all the time, and we usually fall for it. You are not alone. Walking away is what takes strength. Don't punish yourself too much. It's never easy and it always hurts.

[Bereta_Eder]

So if I got this right, the last time you had a bestfriend (but not a relationship) you stayed away and ended up with a relationship that lasted 5 years. Now you're staying away from that and you will end up with...? Looks like upwards climbing a ladder to me. But I'm sounding insufferably optimistic at a difficult time so I'll just shut up.

[Sava]

rah

The perverse thing is that I envy you. But I'm not sure I can explain why without you wanting to punch me in the face.

Hmm. The only enviable thing I can think of is that my prison of comfort takes the sting off a bit. Other than that, I'm just older and have the benefit of already having been through some of the same life events you're dealing with.

CBT might be helpful for you. I can't recall if it has been mentioned in this thread before. But some of what you struggle with seems to be more of a cognitive issue.

[MOBIUS]

The last time I had a problem with a girl (the evil bestfriend), Apolyton's advice was to stay away from her. And once again, Apolyton has advised me to stay away from a girl. If I weren't broken, I'd have some tool in my mental toolkit that allowed me to actually deal with how I feel about the women around me. But instead, I'm weak and incapable of self-control, so the only solution is evasion. I hate it.

Actually, I think that's most people to be honest. We might know the right thing to do, but that's why we're all good at giving advice and not necessarily receiving it.

I just think you're being incredibly hard on yourself.

[MOBIUS]

I'm sorry but I have to laugh even though it sounds cruel. You think you're broken because you have difficulty dealing with how you feel about women. JOIN THE ****ING CLUB. Women screw with men all the time, and we usually fall for it. You are not alone. Walking away is what takes strength. Don't punish yourself too much. It's never easy and it always hurts.

rah channelling Kid...

[Sava]

Also Lori, everything you are feeling and experiencing is completely normal.

[Lorizael]

Hmm. The only enviable thing I can think of is that my prison of comfort takes the sting off a bit. Other than that, I'm just older and have the benefit of already having been through some of the same life events you're dealing with.

I often feel like I'm stuck between okay and rock bottom. If I were okay, that would be good. If I were rock bottom, then I'd be forced to do something to better myself. But in the middle... in the middle I can justify being lazy and unproductive, because I could be doing so much worse, even if I'm not happy with where I am.

CBT might be helpful for you. I can't recall if it has been mentioned in this thread before. But some of what you struggle with seems to be more of a cognitive issue.

Yeah, my therapist is doing CBT.

[MOBIUS]

Also Lori, everything you are feeling and experiencing is completely normal.

Yes!

Take me for example. 2013 was basically a **** up on the relationship front for me and I know/knew all the reasons why - it seemed like a slow train crash that I couldn't stop!

Anyway, it's all good now...

[Sava]

I often feel like I'm stuck between okay and rock bottom. If I were okay, that would be good. If I were rock bottom, then I'd be forced to do something to better myself. But in the middle... in the middle I can justify being lazy and unproductive, because I could be doing so much worse, even if I'm not happy with where I am.

Rock bottom is not fun. It's being in a frenzied state where "you" become an observer to your actions rather than a participant... and end up doing something stupid and impulsive with potentially deadly consequences.

Rock bottom is being admitted to an inpatient unit and having your cornhole searched for weapons.

At that point, it doesn't matter if you volunteered or not.

Being in the middle sucks, for sure. The only thing "good" about rock bottom is that up is the only place to go.

You don't want to have group with the lady who tried murdering her children, the guy who burns his arm with a lighter, the guy who is having unexplained homicidal thoughts, the guy who unsuccessfully tried to hang himself, the girl with an eating disorder who tried to eat rat poison to lose weight...

etc.

Yeah, my therapist is doing CBT.

Stick with it. Your issue seems more cognitive than straight-up biological.

[N35t0r]

And walking away without burning bridges takes a whole lot more strength

[Edit:]
lol, x-post, this is supposed to go after RAH's post.

[MOBIUS]

CBT: Stick with it. Your issue seems more cognitive than straight-up biological.

I agree, and that's why it was my first piece of advice on page 2 of this blockbuster of a 'me' thread...

I think I might have mentioned this book: Get Things Done by Robert Kelsey

It's like this guy cut through all the crap of all the self-help books out there and distilled it into easy to read 209 pages, I reckon you should check it out...

[Lorizael]

No one is going to convince me that I am (or my thoughts are) normal. I'm the only poster with an 1100 post thread about how much his life sucks.

[Sava]

No one is going to convince me that I am (or my thoughts are) normal. I'm the only poster with an 1100 post thread about how much his life sucks.

That speaks more to posting style.

[N35t0r]

Damn right you're not normal.

You're still better than you think uou are.

[Sava]

I agree, and that's why it was my first piece of advice on page 2 of this blockbuster of a 'me' thread...

I suppose. But then again, you just compared the frustration of normal male-female heterosexual relationships to the men's rights movement.

So... **** yourself.