Please don't take this too seriously.

[Buster Crabbe's Uncle]

Oh, as I said pages ago, we got a better deal out of life than all dead babies.

[Aeson]

Yah, someone always has it worse. Though I never really had it that bad. I was very lucky to have supportive family and friends, and of course to be born in the US. And to have the whole thing work out in the end. Almost 2 decades of playing video games later and I'm here managing construction of a house paid for by the games I'm playing on my laptop. Sometimes I even do work. Mostly I just play around with things that interest me.

Like the past few days building some forms out of plywood and pvc pipe so we could pour the window sills. We epoxied them, sanded them, shellacked them, sanded them, and oiled them up good. I've never done anything like this before, and didn't know if the 2T engine oil we used was going to do the trick. I thought about looking up what professionals use for that purpose, but I figured it'd just end up being something we can't get here anyways. The workers probably thought I was a bit crazy (ha! they have no clue just how crazy ...), but the forms came off smooth as silk. (After hitting them with a hammer a few times of course. Can never really go wrong hitting stuff with hammers a few times just to be safe.)

[Lancer]

I was treated with ECT. I won't say it "worked" (I think my docs would have said it didn't work at it's intended purpose), but it definitely isn't a placebo effect. I lost most of my memory of events before the treatment for several months before it started gradually coming back. A lot of my long term memory is still somewhat weird, as if viewing from a 3rd person or through a picture rather than remembering an experience. (This is different than I remember things that happened afterwards, and different than I remember remembering things before.) I still do not remember much of anything about the time surrounding the treatment. I remember going in for treatment, being very hungry sitting on a bench waiting, and then a weird feeling that it had all happened before as the anesthesiologist had me count down from 3. Nothing else about that stay at the hospital.

I ended up much more afraid of the dark for several months afterwards, and fear of heights as well. Fear of the dark is something I've always had to an extent, but fear of heights was not something I had ever experienced before. My insomnia went away completely right after (lucky, given the extreme fear of the dark ...), but gradually came back and became worse than ever. I was more proactive than I had been before (always very passive outside of sports) and asked my psychiatrist to take me off all meds.

It did give me a chance to develop new thoughts and tendencies, and comparing those new ones with old ones that kept popping up was a big part of what lead me to a philosophical conclusion that did help me tremendously. It didn't have any immediate effect on my emotional state. Years of having a better view of myself and other people, and spending lots of time relaxing and in warmer climates has had a great effect on my emotional state. I think a big part of my problem was triggered by not enough sunlight. Strangely enough, SAD is one of the few things I was never diagnosed as.

My experience seems to have been more extreme than most of the people who I knew who were treated with ECT. Though most of those people I knew around the time I was treated, so my memory of them is spotty at best.

I'd say it's a last resort measure. Basically rolling dice on who you'll end up as. (Though any medications are also the same thing.) In my case I was suicidal, medicated with horrible side effects, in a mental institution ... with the docs saying I might be a lifer. So there wasn't much to lose.

Being a diabetic who wasn't very careful I've had low blood sugars when I sleep. I don't remember anything I've done while having one but I'm told that I don't do much. I am awake but not at all self aware. Dolores gives me juice with sugar and in time I come out of it. One night long before I met Dolores I woke up with a low sugar. Alone, my body got out of bed, went and got corn flakes and milk and ate it. I became aware during the process and took over. Each time I come out I'm a tiny bit different, more at peace and better able to accept things I cannot change. Part of that might be just getting old, I don't know. The experience reminds me of a computer rebooting. Dolores tells me that it takes longer to come out of it each time so I try to be very careful and run my sugar a bit high at night. I don't like to give her this difficult experience

Thanks for posting this Aeson, very inspirational.

[Lorizael]

All caught up on QC. Yup, nothing happened.

[Buster Crabbe's Uncle]

Yeah. It's seemed slow since Marten and Dora broke up.

[molly bloom]

Mostly I just play around with things that interest me.

According to the film, Frame's National Health psychiatrist in London told her to claim benefit, write and relax- she'd earned it. So she did.

I'd say you've earned it bigtime, too.

[Lorizael]

Did some overdue work yesterday that means I probably won't be fired in the immediate future. Also submitted a story to a magazine on Tuesday, a story that got rejected from Asimov's back in January. Shaved until the battery ran out on my razor. Not sure if it's better this way. Have some new story ideas. On the other hand, still haven't called my psychiatrist to get a sooner appointment to adjust my meds. Still haven't found a replacement therapist for when my current one goes on maternity leave on Monday. Still haven't gotten my car fixed after my neighbor ran into it back in February. Blarg.

[molly bloom]

Still haven't gotten my car fixed after my neighbor ran into it back in February. Blarg.

And there you have a neigbour sent opportunity to



DO SOME EXERCISE, LARDYARSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Lorizael]

The car works. I just can't open the driver door all the way. I've certainly increased my flexibility since the accident...

[molly bloom]

I've certainly increased my flexibility since the accident...

I spy deflection.

[Buster Crabbe's Uncle]

Did some overdue work yesterday that means I probably won't be fired in the immediate future. Also submitted a story to a magazine on Tuesday, a story that got rejected from Asimov's back in January. Shaved until the battery ran out on my razor. Not sure if it's better this way. Have some new story ideas.

[Buster Crabbe's Uncle]

Lori, I enjoyed the science calculations stuff on your blog.

[Lorizael]

Oh, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, no one's supposed to read my blog! I better change my sig.

[Buster Crabbe's Uncle]

HaHA!

Saw you doing well, saw you doing well, na na nana na-na, too late to take it back!

[Lorizael]

Well, you'll notice I haven't posted since November...