Please don't take this too seriously.

[Lorizael]

I don't do conversions anymore. Not since my second girlfriend went from fundamentalist Christian to Wiccan instead of Lorizaelism.

[Colonâ„¢]

My plans in and of themselves are mostly harmless. They're just a way to force myself to act like a normal human being. The zany part is the detailed conversation flowchart I've developed for ensuring the plan proceeds apace.

That's not how to act normal.

[Lorizael]

Oh, it most certainly is how to act normal. It's just not how to be normal.

[Sava]

Do you mean mission like Operation: Bed the TA ... or more like converting the natives?

i bet he wants to convert her natives

[Lorizael]

Phase 4, Stage 2 executed successfully. I can basically put this whole thing on autopilot now; banging is more or less inevitable at this point.

[Lorizael]

I have completely lost the ability to get up for work in time. I am late all the time, and my boss doesn't care. He just tells me this is a "no stress room." Yesterday I didn't even make it in to work because I felt like crap when I finally woke up and couldn't muster the energy required to get out of bed. Usually when that happens, I send my boss an email telling him I'm sick and won't be in that day. I thought I did that yesterday (and gmail agrees with me), but my boss never got an email. So when I came in this morning (40 minutes late), he asked me what happened to me yesterday. But he didn't even wait for an answer, because this is a no stress room and it's thoroughly uncharacteristic of me not to send an email, so he just assumed I was sick and that was that. When my coworker didn't show up without calling in a couple months ago, he nearly lost his job. For me, there are no consequences. Aaagggghhh. I can't stand it. Maybe I'm actually on thin ice and he's just not telling me, but that's not like my boss. My coworker is very aware of the fact that the boss doesn't like him; el bosso reminds him constantly. But I, on the other hand, can do no wrong. I need consequences, goddammit. Otherwise it feels like high school, where no matter how much I screwed up and slacked off, the teachers let me slide anyway because I was a smart kid. And we all know where that got me. Christ. Jesus raping dogs. Mother****er.

[Sava]

I've never seen so much consternation over a gift-horse.

[Felch]

Seriously. Next he'll be complaining about how much it sucks being a white male in America.

Holy ****, is Lori going to turn into Kid? Don't do it!

[Lorizael]

I'm assuming that when I finally do break down and quit this job/get fired, I'm going to have to get another job. And if I've developed this habit of not even waking up until after I'm supposed to be at work, it's probably not going to go over well.

[Lorizael]

Don't even get me started on how much I despise my inherited privilege.

[Sava]

YOU BETTER MILK THAT FUCKEEENG TEET!

[Lorizael]

That's phase 8 or 9 of the plan.

[rah]

Relationships seem to work better when you're gainfully employed. I hope that is additional motivation to get up and go to work.

[Lorizael]

Maybe, but if I'd stayed with my ex I'd have a sugar momma (elementary school teacher) and wouldn't need to work.

[rah]

I don't consider an elementary school teacher in the sugar momma class.