Please don't take this too seriously.

[Lorizael]

I should really eat something. And take some ibuprofen. And shower and get dressed. Told my boss I couldn't make it in this morning, but that I'd be in after class, which puts me in the office at ~2:30.

[ColdWizard]

Yeah, the off thing makes no sense unless they thought it was going to be warm today. In which case your roommates are stupid. And I'm pretty sure the DC climate is not a proper environment for cryophiles.

[Sava]

It's true, but caffeine is a relatively mild drug. And realistically, I drink 2-3 cans a day. There are people with much worse habits than mine.

That is a dangerous level of caffeine. 1 can is about the same caffeine as a cup of coffee (IIRC). Here's what 4 cups of coffee per day can do to you:

Younger men who drank about 28 cups per week were 56 percent more likely to die prematurely from any cause than those who didn't drink any coffee. Younger women who drank that much java doubled their mortality risk compared to those who didn't.

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/four-cups-of-coffee-a-day-may-raise-early-death-risk-in-younger-adults/

Your Mountain Dew habit is probably more unhealthy than my marijuana usage.

[Lorizael]

1 can is about the same caffeine as a cup of coffee (IIRC).

No, 1 can of Dew is about half 1 cup of coffee.

[Sava]

indeed

http://www.math.utah.edu/~yplee/fun/caffeine.html

so not so bad i guess

[Sava]

I GUESS THAT MEANS YOUU HAVE TO DRINK MORE"

[Lorizael]

I shouldn't drink so much dew, I know. But you should see the look on my face when I take my first sip of the day. It's ****ing orgasmic. And man, I gotta take my joy where I can find it.

[Lorizael]

Ohhhhhhh yeahhhhhhhhhh.

[Lorizael]

I've been taking antidepressants regularly for a little over 6 years now, since the summer/fall of 2008 when I was 22. That roughly coincides with when my life stopped sucking hardcore. Got a girlfriend. Got consistent employment. Stopped pissing off everyone around me. Made and accomplished goals. Planned for the future. Acted responsibly. All that jazz. Maybe I grew up/learned how to cope, or maybe I'm just a dysfunctional screwup who's slightly less so when taking the right medication. Maybe I'm not growing or developing at all. Maybe I'm just a useless sack of meat that modern medicine has managed to make look like a reasonably functioning human being when they pump it full of the right chemicals.

Yeah, drugs ran out earlier this week. I'll get them refilled tomorrow. But holy ****wads. How do I so consistently fail to be a working human whenever I stop taking my medicine. how can i have any respect for myself if i'm 200 lbs of stinking **** hiding behind 150 mg of sertraline.

[Sava]

rhetorical? or do you want an answer?

[Lorizael]

it's something i;ve never found a stisfying anser for. espeiclaly when i'm like thisl.

[ColdWizard]

If humans were perfect we would never have discovered drugs for you to feel miserable about taking.

[N35t0r]

Oh, everybody else is as well, most people just have their own, built-in drug dispensers.

[rah]

But many of us are confined to those legally available.

[Lorizael]

Oh, everybody else is as well, most people just have their own, built-in drug dispensers.

You know, other people can be ****ed up, too. One broken built-in dispenser and you can't regulate your sugar or your body temperature or weight or what have you. but you're still you. you still have the personality you've developed your entire life. you can still be funny and charming and successful and motivated. But for me, one broken built-in dispenser means i can't regulate me. who teh **** am i, how do i hav eany identiy at all, if my whole person is governed by whether or not the right dispenser is working.