Please don't take this too seriously.

[Lorizael]

Hahahaha. Failures. You're all failures. Wait. No. I'm the failure. Because I'm the one with no self-control. That's right. Hahahaha.

[Lorizael]

Lori: you're not planning on getting on a plane any time in the near future, are you?

EBF: Er, no, I don't believe so. Why?

Lori: Oh, you know, I had a dream where you died in a horrible plane crash.

EBF: Crashed and burned, eh?

Lori: Broke apart in mid-air for some reason, then crashed and burned.

EBF: how metaphorical

Lori: Is it?

EBF: Cruisin' along when unexpectedly things fall apart and crash and burn? ::shrug::

Lori: I'm not entirely sure what that would be a metaphor for. I feel like I'm missing something.

EBF: Oh, uh, your relationship to me in life?

Lori: Ah. No. Our relationship crashing and burning wasn't unexpected. I know this, because from time to time I obsessively read over old chat logs (not just yours, but definitely yours), and I definitely saw it coming.

EBF: I remember it was something you feared and talked about not wanting to happen, but I don't know if that was because you saw it coming or because you were afraid of it.
Also, good god, reading over old chat logs makes me want to commit seppuku.

Lori: Me too. That's why I do it.

EBF: I think I deleted them all at some point to save myself.

Lori: People often tell me I should delete my chat logs. I know this, because I obsessively read my chat logs.

EBF: Why you do that?

Lori: It's a safe, easy way for me to access emotions I don't otherwise have access to. (By safe, I mean it's better than me going out and having unprotected sex with whores or something.)

EBF: Emotions like...

Lori: Closeness and companionship. Intimacy of any sort. (I even read over old arguments, because there are definitely feelings there.)

EBF: :/

Lori: The same lack of feeling causes me to make other bad decisions, such as messaging you...

EBF: Well, I'm not convinced that's so bad, but if you are you probably shouldn't do it.

Lori: I'm mixed on that. If I were to ask the good people of Apolyton, for example, they would be quite vociferous in the sentiment that I shouldn't talk to you. On the other hand, I don't like dreaming about you, or being angry when I think about you, or anything else like that. And my guess is doing what I've been doing for the last several years isn't going to make any of that stop.

EBF: No, probably not. I find writing never-to-be-sent letters to people I have unresolved issues with is a pretty useful tool for working that kind of emotional stuff out. Or at least giving me something to work with to keep moving forward with it.
Or, you know, we could talk about stuff if you want to.

Lori: I wouldn't even know where to begin talking about stuff. I've never written a latter about this stuff, but I've had these conversations with you a dozen times in my head.

EBF: It doesn't have to be well-organized. If something pops in your head, we can try talking about it.
Or you could try writing said letter(s) and see if it helps you organize what you want to talk about specifically.

Lori: Well, the gist of why I get so angry when I think about you is that I believe you (unconsciously, I hope) got me addicted to you. (I played a role in this, too, but I get plenty angry at myself and that's not something I need to talk to you about.)

EBF: Got you addicted to me?

Lori: Yeah. Our bestfriendship was ridiculously unhealthy for a kid with tendencies to obsess over women.

EBF: I thought it was a beautiful relationship between two kids who had deep love and respect for each other and helped each other survive and grow into better versions of themselves

Lori: Yeah, there's that part, too. Then there's the part where our relationship was partly responsible for breaking up two of my romantic relationships. And that was just a symptom of a deeper problem.

EBF: Can a relationship be responsible for something?
What was the deeper problem?

Lori: Hey, you and I were the same person, right? So our relationship was just the manifestation of the one person that was us, right? And if anything can be responsible for something, it's a person.

EBF: No, we weren't the same person.

Lori: No, we weren't the same person.
But we said we were.

EBF: Sure. There's good reason for that. We were very, very close and very... aligned? I'm still convinced we essentially read each other's minds.
But, of course, we were not literally the same person. Relationships don't have personhood.

Lori: I could have a very long discussion about personhood, but it's not really pertinent.
My point was about the language we used. How we talked about each other. How we interacted with each other. We weren't just friends. We were super special best friends. Who shared everything and were always honest with each other (not true, but beside the point). When I was in love with you, when I had a habit of obsessing over unattainable women, the constant reinforcement of this idea that we had this perfect, beautiful, and magically superior relationship was not healthy for me at all.

EBF: I was completely honest with you
and I still believe we did indeed have a super special friendship
I have to go for now. I'd like to talk more soon.

Lori: Okay

[notyoueither]

No, but alcoholics eventually learn how to be around alcohol and not drink. It's hard to live a life completely isolated from alcohol, and it's impossible (barring TBIs) to live a life completely isolated from memory.

Worst. Rationalisation. Evar!

[notyoueither]

Well, I don't drink. So now I'm the pudgy, balding, 28-year-old still getting his undergrad degree and transparently attempting to get young chicks drunk. Creepy!

College campuses have a lot of older women grad students...

[rah]

Lori, you really need to get rid of all those chat logs. Nothing positive can ever come out of reviewing those if the latest is any indication.
DO IT NOW.

[Sava]

agree

[Lorizael]

Something Poly and EBF agree on!

[ColdWizard]

Relationships are like socks. When the holes are too big, you have to get a new pair.

Life isn't meant to be safe, it's meant to be lived.

I can't think of further bull****tery to put here.

[Jon Miller]

Relationships are like socks. When the holes are too big, you have to get a new pair.

Life isn't meant to be safe, it's meant to be lived.

I can't think of further bull****tery to put here.

Every relationship is asymmetrical.

Caring is not the same as obsessing.

JM

[Lorizael]

Man, I do not know what conversation you two are having.

[Ben Kenobi]

Is there a statistical correlation between race and intelligence? Yes or No.

Facts are true even if we don't want them to be. Is there a statistical correlation between height and sex? Yes. Is there one between race and IQ scores? Also yes. The real question comes from 'how much of a difference is there?'. That's the real question. "Is it enough to justify discrimination on the basis of race?" No.

[Ben Kenobi]

As for the list, I'm interested that I score number 5. You're a pretty smart guy, Lori. If you take political beliefs out of the equation altogether, does the list change? I'm not really like EVC, etc in posting lots about my personal life.

[Sava]

Politics is only the means by which your psychosis finds expression.

[Ben Kenobi]

Politics is only the means by which your psychosis finds expression.

And here I was thinking the post might reflect an attempt at an objective assessment.

[Sava]

I didn't read this post ^^