Wedding Etiquette

[Colon™]

She's also an utter **** for bothering the bride with this.

[DirtyMartini]

I'm sensing she wanted a bit more of your attention for herself. Thus the attempts to get the other young ladies out of the picture.

This.

She is into you enough that she gets jealous when there is another woman dominating your attention, but she is apparently not into you enough to actually date you. I'm guessing that there was some attempt at a relationship after she'd chased off the two other gfs, but once you were actually available she cooled off. Now, she knows she's going to see you and she thinks you have a gf, so she's intrigued again. The only way to "win" would be to play it completely cool and convince her that you really have moved on, but, as you said, you've already blown that with the texts.

As to the engagement thing -- engaged people are the ones most likely to cheat like crazy in my experience. They sense their freedom slipping away and they can still rationalize with "Well, I'm not married yet". I am guessing that her fiance will be with her at the wedding though, which makes a hookup much more difficult.

Also, who the hell gets married on New Years Day?

[self biased]

i'd opt out of the wedding at this point if you could, dude. your loyalty begins and ends at yourself.

[Lorizael]

She's also an utter **** for bothering the bride with this.

Indeed.

Also, who the hell gets married on New Years Day?

They were originally going to get married some time this summer, but the venue was suddenly available on New Year's Day, and New Year's Day only, for free.

i'd opt out of the wedding at this point if you could, dude. your loyalty begins and ends at yourself.

I just drove 450 miles to get here, so I'm not likely to opt out at this point.

[self biased]

I just drove 450 miles to get here, so I'm not likely to opt out at this point.

why does this broad have such a huge raging boner for you anyway? the evidence you've posted tells me that she's delighting in your suffering.

i'm also not quite full canvas right now. so. just lay low, be polite, and don't respond to her ben kenobi posts.

[Ben Kenobi]

The only way to "win" would be to play it completely cool and convince her that you really have moved on, but, as you said, you've already blown that with the texts.

This. You're playing global thermonuclear war here. The only way to win is not to play. What does Lori stand to gain here? Not a thing. What does she have to gain here? Quite a bit by stringing you along. I don't see any evidence that she actually cares for you in any way shape or form. At least doesn't have your best interests at heart. I also don't see any evidence that anything is ever going to happen with her. Again - the best thing you can do is be there for your friend, have fun at the wedding, and most of all, don't give a ****. Do you think Cutler would chase after this girl? No. You have nothing to gain here except through this route. If you're cool to her for the sake of being cool to her - that's one thing. But if you're just there?

I would go radio quiet for awhile till the wedding.

And self has a point here - you really think that a troll of my calibre can't recognise other trolls? Seriously. She's got you hook, line and sinker and is quite enjoying all the attention which she can withdraw at any point to no detriment to herself. You've given her everything she could ever want and what have you gotten out of it? Sweet **** all. Stop playing her game and this reactive bull****. Check into the don't give a **** factory.

If she does end up approaching you - tell her to wait until after the wedding. Then wait. If she says something make a move - lay it on the table. Tell her you are tired of the bull**** and the condition would be her dropping her fiancee. Otherwise you want her out of your life entirely. Remember, she's ****ed you over before. Personally, I don't think she's worth everything you've devoted to her over time. Really, I don't. There are other fish in the sea who will treat you with respect.

[Lorizael]

why does this broad have such a huge raging boner for you anyway? the evidence you've posted tells me that she's delighting in your suffering.

This is complicated. The gist is that we aren't friends now because I couldn't handle being her friend anymore (massive simplification), and I assume she misses some aspects of what we had. I sincerely believe she never derived any pleasure from my suffering. She caused me suffering. And she did manipulate me. But I don't believe she ever did so consciously. I believe she developed certain habits with the men in her life, and some of those habits involved more or less getting those men addicted to her.

[Ben Kenobi]

Lori, her burdening the fricken wife at the wedding with this bullcrap is a major, major sign of narcissism. That's my red flag for "let some other poor sucker deal with her".

[self biased]

This is complicated. The gist is that we aren't friends now because I couldn't handle being her friend anymore (massive simplification), and I assume she misses some aspects of what we had. I sincerely believe she never derived any pleasure from my suffering. She caused me suffering. And she did manipulate me. But I don't believe she ever did so consciously. I believe she developed certain habits with the men in her life, and some of those habits involved more or less getting those men addicted to her.

dispense with your beliefs.

be polite.

be ineffable.

be distant, at best.you want no part of her, especially the part she intends.

[Dinner]

More conversation...

Me: why the change.

EBF: Even though it was what I had expected, I got sad after you said to not interact with you. I *want* to interact with you. [High school gf] suggested that I could still be respectful of you but also increase the chances of interaction if I didn't set you up to passively say you didn't want to

Me: Why do you want to interact with me? We haven't talked in a year. We haven't been friends in 5.5 years. And you, at least, are a very different person than you were when we were friends.

...

No response so far. I'm totally going to **** things up, aren't I?

Jesus Christ. Why ask for advice if you have no intention of following any of it? I can't think of a single way you could have handled this worse short of just yelling curse words.

[Aeson]

I was going to suggest just yelling curse words ...

[Kidlicious]

I would also yell cuss words and then cry like a little baby and run out of the room. She will never bother you again after that.

[pchang]

Enough about Lori. I want to hear more about Nikolai's step mom.

[Lorizael]

Jesus Christ. Why ask for advice if you have no intention of following any of it? I can't think of a single way you could have handled this worse short of just yelling curse words.

I thought the OP was flippant enough to head off this type of reply, but I guess not. For the umpteenth time: When I post these types of threads, I'm not actually looking for advice. I'm using Poly as a sounding board because it helps me to think about things if I can write them down and explain myself.

I would also yell cuss words and then cry like a little baby and run out of the room. She will never bother you again after that.

Nope. She would be very concerned and try to help me, because that would be so thoroughly uncharacteristic of me.

[pchang]

Hire an escort and engage in lewd behavior in sight if the EBF. Maybe Nikolai's step mom is available.