Video on how to get a woman?

[Jon Miller]

I understand that, it would be best for me to not only date a Christian (which is pretty much a requirement), but someone whose Christianity is an important part of their life.

There are people of different types.

JM

[Flubber]

So if Albert S. has girls chatting him up but who balk at the idea of dating I see a few possibilities

1. Albert S. has some characteristic that makes him undateable to these women.
2. They had perceived Albert S. as gay. or
3. You allow yourself to get into the "friend" place

I cannot speak to points 1 and 2 but the friend place is tricky. LOts of folks find their lifemates from among their friends and they will say being 'friends first" is key etc etc. BUT more frequently 'friends' status is where any romantic notions go to die. So not knowing anything much about Albert S I have to ask if you are waiting too long to ask a girl out?

Oh and I cringed at some of the text messages. They come across as a little too needy at times and they are also missing opportunities to throw in a casual compliment. I confess I don't totally understand texting etiquette as its something I don't really do

[Al B. Sure!]

Flubber:

I've asked women out both after knowing them for a while and after only being acquainted with them for a short while but not really knowing them. I don't think I've ever asked a girl out 'cold' without at least first knowing her name and having at least known of her for a few days. I used to work in the service industry and have asked out customers before after a few times seeing them, for example, but not really having any deep conversations or anything.

I suspect I'm not waiting too long. If anything, I thought I was usually rushing things, although I never asked anyone out in my first encounter with them.

[Flubber]

I am not religious. I'm an atheist.

Actually, I've had me being an atheist be a dealbreaker for some chicks. They only wanted a Christian man.

Missing the point. MY point wasn't on religion. It was about the fact that any attractive person may have something about them that others, perhaps many others, might find off-putting. Other than the Jesus freak , a few that I personally experienced .

1. the vulgar girl-- I'm not adverse to a bit of profanity but does it have to appear in every sentence?

2. the ex experience--Ok -- you have been single 9 months-- thats the last time you can mention him appropriately-- Two more mentions??-- see ya

3. The "topper"-- ever seen the Dilbert cartoon? You know the type.


Each of these women were attractive, university educated and had a lot going for them. Because they were hot they always had guys trying to pick them up but for longer dating, these traits were big negatives to most guys. ( I know vulgar girl eventually married a similar guy and both toned it down a LOT LOL-- the last time I saw "topper' she regaled me with a tale of cognac and Cubans on some yatch )

[Flubber]

Flubber:

I've asked women out both after knowing them for a while and after only being acquainted with them for a short while but not really knowing them. I don't think I've ever asked a girl out 'cold' without at least first knowing her name and having at least known of her for a few days. I used to work in the service industry and have asked out customers before after a few times seeing them, for example, but not really having any deep conversations or anything.

I suspect I'm not waiting too long. If anything, I thought I was usually rushing things, although I never asked anyone out in my first encounter with them.

Sorry-- since I don't know you, I can only point out some of the common dating things that cause people to flounder.

[Asher]

Maybe he just needs a wingman.

I volunteer aneeshm. He'll work his magic on the women, soon they'll be ready to bone the first decent guy they see.

[aneeshm]

Do you have a girlfriend, aneeshm?

Not now, no.

I should note that back when I did have one, I didn't use any of the "tactics" or "tricks" given here. I knew it, I just didn't do it, for reasons which I think are in my long-term interest. I did, however, use this information to be more aware of what was going on. In fact, I even told the girl that such techniques existed and that I knew them, and occasionally managed to surprise her with disquietingly accurate readings of what she was feeling at the time, for fun; but beyond that, it wasn't anything notable.

The reason, in case you're interested, as to why I did not apply "game" (at least in the "pickup" form given here - I did use my enhanced awareness and the principles I learnt to calibrate the situation when I made some mistake) is because I consider it a shortcut, and one whose long-term costs outweigh its benefits.

When you look at what game entails from the other side, you recognise that it is trying to project the status of a successful man with many options, i.e., the high-status, high-social-skills, tribal-leader human alpha male. When you look into what these status indicators are, they break down into:

a) An active social life in which you are the successful leader of a tribe of successful men
b) Status (both wealth and ability)
c) Excellent social skills, which are supposed to accrue to you because of your position
d) Many options - this shows that because of the above three, not only are you a leader of men, you are also a magnet for women. (There is probably no force stronger than social preselection when it comes to the sexual market.)
e) A wide range of experience - you are a man who has seen a lot of life, and can deal with almost anything
f) A history - you have seen and done many things on your way to the top
g) Depth and width - your experiences in whatever you are doing are not only deep, but you are open to experience and adaptable
h) You think the woman's value is next to nothing compared to yours, and your body language shows it (I don't know why this works, but it does.)
i) Finally, not only are you all the "good" things I mentioned above, but you also have a dark side which you express only capriciously, and in the most unexpected of ways. (The Dark Triad.)

"Game" is a way of portraying these traits irrespective of whether or not you have them. It's enough to get you through to the payoff, which in this case is a "hookup". But it is, as I said before, a shortcut. It allows you to get the payoff without the investment, thanks to today's rather degenerate cultural norms on what is permissible behaviour.

In the final analysis, however, the investment isn't made for anyone else's sake, it's made for your own. I would rather be someone with genuine achievements to my name, with a real ability to lead and command, and with a really interesting life filled with rich experiences, than someone who can only project that. That is, if I used "game" to get what I wanted on the cheap, it would not only short-circuit the usual reward mechanisms, it would also discourage actual achievement.

I do not want that. I am just entering the real world, and have a life to live, and I'd rather make something of it and actually attempt to live up to the characteristics mentioned above rather than being simply a smooth operator. I live in a society where this way of thinking is fast disappearing, and almost gone among my generation, but I believe that not only is this way of thinking correct, both morally and in terms of consistency, it is also of the greatest possible benefit to the man following it.

I've noted before that I'm one of the unreconstituted believers in the classical patriarchy as the best form of social organisation, and a libertarian; I believe that in a society free of artificially introduced distortions, where all interactions are freely negotiated and contracts enforced, the patriarchal form of organisation emerges spontaneously and is also the most beneficial to all concerned. (Look here for a rather humorous take on the issue.) Even if it doesn't, I think there would be enough people with similar beliefs to make such a life and such a community possible. (Note that I am not a libertarian because I think this will happen. If some other social arrangement emerges, and it is diametrically opposed to classical one, so be it. Some may disagree. In that case, what I have predicted will not happen, and the patriarchal form will not emerge, so they have nothing to worry about. Liberty is paramount on principle, and not merely because we find its outcomes agreeable or convenient.)

This belief also has as one of its components the idea that a man is not born, he is made, both through experience and the structure provided by authority. There are no real rites-of-passage left to the modern man, so I have pretty much make my own as I go along, setting goals and standards progressively higher at each step. Nor are there any authorities to learn from in the sense I have mentioned, capable of providing structure to such an attempt. So I have to continue guided by instinct and history, along with, of course, the literary canon of the classical cultures of the world.

"Game" serves in this larger scheme to help me understand what is going on in any social situation, much more so if it involves women. This awareness is useful for many things, most notably for managing myself, but also for forming groups, maintaining group cohesion, helping others (who wouldn't otherwise talk to each other) work together on something, in maintaining friendships, in forming friendships, in helping someone you think needs it, and in general in leading and following effectively. It's a life-skill, and I think it is better to know it and be conscious of knowing it than relying on instinct alone.

Now, I understand that not everyone achieves anything like what I have mentioned above, or even anything close to it. Often, opportunities for such a life are closed off due to circumstances. But the attempt seldom fails to repay the efforts of making it, and the man who tries and fails is still a better man and even practically better off than one who did not try at all.

(The reason I make all this known is because a number of my statements have been quite foolishly misinterpreted in the past, and I would rather that that not continue. My primary concern is not some abstract "policy" but the growth and cultivation of the individual under spontaneous order.)

[Asher]

Wow

[aneeshm]

Wow

I know it sounds quite ridiculous, of course. The essential point is that I use the techniques to be more aware of what is going on, and that's it. I do not use it for "hooking up" as you would call it.

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

And there I was for all those years, blissfully unaware of at that and attempting to win over the ladies by making them laugh until they blasted bacardi out of their nostrils.

[aneeshm]

And there I was for all those years, blissfully unaware of at that and attempting to win over the ladies by making them laugh until they blasted bacardi out of their nostrils.

What does this have to do with anything? In fact, if you can manage this, you're already good, and you have natural "game". What's the problem?

[Al B. Sure!]

That has to be the longest response in the history of humankind to the question, "Do you have a girlfriend?".

I am also very impressed by Aneeshm's verbiage. As an Indian, I would think English would be a second language but he has very good mastery of the English language, especially for someone so young.

But I am puzzled as to what political philosophy has to do with this topic?

[Asher]

That has to be the longest response in the history of humankind to the question, "Do you have a girlfriend?".

I am also very impressed by Aneeshm's verbiage. As an Indian, I would think English would be a second language but he has very good mastery of the English language, especially for someone so young.

But I am puzzled as to what political philosophy has to do with this topic?

Aneeshm is of the caste in India that worshipped their English masters. He's trying his best to mimic the pompous verbosity of the most inane British overlords ever exiled to India.

I'm willing to bet he speaks with a British accent in real life. Probably went to British schools, too.

[David Floyd]

aneeshm is probably overthinking things a bit. Laz is right - if you can make 'em laugh so hard Bacardi comes out of their nose, I think you're good to go.

That's more of my game. I'm not that attractive relatively speaking, I'm not rich, etc. I have to get by on personality, humor, and fun. Fortunately I am pretty solid on that front. Snide remarks aside, if I'm not, odds are I wouldn't be getting laid.

[David Floyd]

In an oddly appropriate coincidence, a girl, in the course of a texting conversation tonight, said "I need to start working out tomorrow".

My response? "I seriously doubt it."