Video on how to get a woman?

[Asher]

Here's some pickup lines I assure you will work:

"I've got a 13 inch...MacBook Air at home. Would you like to see it?"
"I've been using an iPod since 2001...I'm really good with my thumbs."
"Hey, girl. Resistance is futile."

These are sure-fire lines, Albert. If they don't work, the only conclusion we can draw is you are gay. Girls can pick up on that ****.

[Asher]

I used to use "Would you like to see my Red Hat?", except Red Hat has fallen out of favour and no one really knows what it is anymore. And Ubuntu is hard to make sexy.

[KrazyHorse]

That's why you should talk about Fedora.

[Al B. Sure!]

Have you considered that women are skanky, moody whores and it's best not to go for them anyway, BTW?

Asher, I will NOT sleep with you. I don't care what Fez was willing to do. Just because we're both tan and fascist-like does not mean we're the same. I am a heterosexual man.

[Asher]

I don't want you to sleep with me, or be anywhere near me after. Get over yourself.

You'd be in and out.

[ricketyclik]

Besides, I don't believe women really give a crap about looks. I've seen some incredibly mismatched couples and guys who the girls who didn't like me dated before or after I tried. I would like to show pictures from their facebooks just to show the disparity but that's not respecting their privacy. Now, a lot of these guys play sports so I understand that but some of them don't.

I don't really have friends. I mean I do but 'not hang out with' friends. I might run into them at the gym or something and bust it up for a while or comment on each others facebook statuses or something but not like I hang out with them. See, during college, I worked two jobs so I never had anytime to do anything social. I never went to any parties or anything. It's kind of messing things up for me because it's limited my ability to meet people and made me somewhat socially awkward.

Dead right about the looks - it's all about personality with women.

So you need some practice socialising. No worries, just get out to some parties, bars, whatever, and shoot the breeze. Nothing to talk about? Read. Read the paper daily, some history books, some popular novels. That'll give you fodder for chatting about.

People generally like to talk about themselves, so express an interest in them and let them talk. The occasional "That's interesting, tell me more about that" or similar is usually enough to get through hours of conversation

Of course men usually like to talk about televised sports, so if you want to wow them brush up on that inane crap.

[Al B. Sure!]

Well I asked the girl who had been calling me regularly for the last few weeks if she would like to go to Lucky Strikes on Sunday when she's off work and she said she doesn't know. She'll tell me what she decides before then. She then said she was going to sleep.

[Asher]

How exactly did you ask her? What was the context?

[Al B. Sure!]

I don't know. I don't remember exactly. It wasn't anything retarded. It flowed naturally from the conversation. All I really remember clearly was she saying she was working on Saturday (even though she told me a few days ago she was off) then when I said Sunday then she said no because that's her only day off then she said something about being off on Monday so that wasn't her only day off but she doesn't know yet and will tell me later. Oh yeah, I'm tired and going to bed now. Bye.

[ricketyclik]

I don't know. I don't remember exactly. It wasn't anything retarded. It flowed naturally from the conversation. All I really remember clearly was she saying she was working on Saturday (even though she told me a few days ago she was off) then when I said Sunday then she said no because that's her only day off then she said something about being off on Monday so that wasn't her only day off but she doesn't know yet and will tell me later. Oh yeah, I'm tired and going to bed now. Bye.

If it were me I'd be looking elsewhere. If she gets back to you with a yes, then that's a bonus, but it sounds like she won't be.

And of course, you'd be well aware of not pressuring her, right? She knows you want to take her, the next move is hers.

[Al B. Sure!]

Yeah but considering what Wernezuma said:

She wants you! Does she have to write it on your forehead? Yes, women like to talk and chat via phone, but at least an hour a day, virtually every night?

She apparently doesn't want me.

[Asher]

Tell her about your endowment. That'll do it.

[Al B. Sure!]

In fact, this is probably the gayest thread of the year so far. We've got all the confirmed bachelors strutting around and loudly proclaiming how they get mystical and retarded creatures called "women" to have sex with them through a series of arcane ninja rituals, before being distracted by each other's pecs and making approving noises about working out and wrestling.

Come out. You won't find Narnia in there.

Hey, it's the new Speer My Love Life Part XX thread!

[Al B. Sure!]

It's pretty easy. If you don't wear the proper clothes or go shirtless, that kind of build goes to waste. You may as well have a layer of pudge, people won't know the difference.

My shirts feel a little too tight though. They don't seem made for someone with my build. Like Abercrombie/Hollister/Polo/Express/etc. shirts, Large size shirts are the right size in the waist but hug my chest, shoulders, and back very tightly, and the sleeves are very high and tight around my biceps.

I mean I wear them but I feel kind of awkward because they're pretty tight. I've thought about going XL but the waist is fine on these Larges just everything else is tight; and besides, Large should be the right size for me. At 6'1" 205lbs, I'm not that big. I'm average in height and build.

[Asher]

Well, tight is good but too tight is bad.

Hard to say.

But it sounds like it's not the physical problem. Maybe you just don't wax eloquently. Maybe you seem inattentive to the women. Maybe you stare at their breasts and touch yourself when talking. It's hard to say from here.

Maybe you just haven't met nice girls.