Please don't take this too seriously.

[Lorizael]

She's not as hot as my original therapist, but she does have the benefit of not being married.

[N35t0r]

Ah. So I've tried all but the last two. I mean, I've had alcohol before (don't like it (yes, I've tried whatever it is you think I'll like (no, I didn't like that)), don't like the idea of the effect it has), but I've never had a shot of monkey monkeys whenever I stepped out the yadda yadda.

Alcohol will help with socializing, but it will also be very hard to consume in moderation. Been there, done that. My liver is alive only because I only went out drinking with friends every other month at the most.

My substitute therapist really doesn't think it's an awesome idea for me to be friends with my an ex. One of my closest friends is more or less of the same opinion. I am utterly confounded by this attitude. I have so few friends, and so much trouble making friends, that is seems like an awful waste to voluntarily give up one of them. There are negatives to my friendship with my ex, to be sure. There are awkward moments, and there's the fact that... well... I don't understand how to feel differently about her than I used to. She's the same person I fell in love with 5 years ago; why wouldn't I still be in love with her? What's supposed to change? How do I not feel what I used to feel?

You're just supposed to move on. It's one of the hardest things to do, especially if you still see her on a regular basis (most people can't do this, even if unintentionally). No matter how much you loved her, you wanted different (incompatible) things in life, and that's one of the basic requirements in any relationship.

I think this is something peculiarly wrong with me, btw. Like how I was able to simply restart my feelings for my second gf by reading over old chat logs with her. It's as if the feelings never really go away; I simply don't access them as frequently. My therapist says that's pretty normal. But if it's normal, how the **** do some people manage to "get over" their exes and I can't? I mean, my ex is dating another guy and seems to have no problems at all being friends with me. By all appearances, she's managed to get over me and isn't made uncomfortable by my presence or anything like that. What's she doing that I can't? Yeah, maybe she's hiding all of her unease, but after knowing her rather intimately for 5 years, I think I'm pretty good at telling when she's hiding something.?

Um, many people's way to handle a breakup is by filling the void. Also, amicable breakups are a lot easier than fights. It could also be that she does her best to still be friends with you, and tries to have a 'regular' friendship because she thinks it's good for you? After all, after 5 years it's also probable that she knows you very well?

So, there are negatives. But there are positives as well. We still enjoy each other's company. We still care about each other. We edit each other's stories. We counsel each other when needed. Do I need to weigh the pros and cons? Can I actually quantify the value of a friendship, break it up into units of friendions? And even beyond the effect it has on me, ending a friendship with someone out of the blue seems particularly selfish. I will hurt my ex if I simply stop talking to her. And that matters to me, because I still care about her. I don't want to hurt her if I don't have to.

Just do whatever you believe is best. (which is no advice at all, I know). Do you feel like pushing her out of your life will be good for you? If not, then I think that's your answer.

[Lorizael]

A very good friend of mine (my highschool gf ) thinks I either need to take a break from my ex for a few months while I sort things out, or I need to actively figure out how to be friends with her, which must be something different than doing all the things we used to do but not having sex.

[Ben Kenobi]

You need friends who aren't exes

[Lorizael]

I have a new boss. He likes me and thinks I'm a good worker. He's having me spearhead an effort to clear out our backlog. I am terrified that when I screw up and break down under the pressure, he'll see who I really am and be deeply disappointed. I don't care all that much about his opinion of me, but I do care when people who have power over me see how broken and pathetic I truly am.

[Sava]

I have a new boss. He likes me and thinks I'm a good worker. He's having me spearhead an effort to clear out our backlog. I am terrified that when I screw up and break down under the pressure, he'll see who I really am and be deeply disappointed. I don't care all that much about his opinion of me, but I do care when people who have power over me see how broken and pathetic I truly am.

You should flip out beforehand so your eventual failure stings less.

Try screaming things about Jews and Obama. Nobody will care about a possible screw up then.

[Lorizael]

I'm trying to keep my job at least until the fall semester begins.

[Sava]

Then I fear I will be of no help.

[Lorizael]

He's really gung ho and keeps talking about how **** got done in the Marines. Which is cool and all, except our job consists mostly of typing and tying ribbons.

[The Mad Monk]

YOU CALL THAT A RIBBON SOLDIER? WHO TOLD YOU THAT YOU COULD TIE A BOW LIKE THAT?

[Felch]

He's really gung ho and keeps talking about how **** got done in the Marines. Which is cool and all, except our job consists mostly of typing and tying ribbons.

That's what Marines mostly do too.

[Sava]

He's really gung ho and keeps talking about how **** got done in the Marines. Which is cool and all, except our job consists mostly of typing and tying ribbons.

Just don't be the worst or best employee. You'll be fine.

[Lorizael]

Unfortunately, that's not an option. I work in an office of 3, including my boss. My coworker watches the World Cup on his computer all day, so I don't have much competition.

[Sava]

Unfortunately, that's not an option. I work in an office of 3, including my boss. My coworker watches the World Cup on his computer all day, so I don't have much competition.

You could still be the mediocre employee... just not the not-worst or not-best under your boss.

Worst - You - Best

BTW, your boss has only two people reporting to him?

Or are you referring to the number of people there just today/right now?

[Lorizael]

On an entirely unrelated note, my one and only recreational activity (boardgames with my gaming group) has become increasingly unpleasant now that my ex and her boyfriend are always there. He's a perfectly nice guy who seems to like me just fine. (Actually, he's kind of a jerk to everyone else, but not in a way that bothers me beyond the fact that he's being a jerk to my friends.) But being there with the two of them in the house I used to live in and watching them be cute and realizing that he knows all the little details of her life that are now foreign to me is ****ing excruciating. I'm not sure that I can do it anymore. Which kind of sucks. I can still make her laugh. When we first started dating, she was surprised by my sense of humor. She expected me to be this super serious guy. And I can definitely be that, but I could always make her laugh, too. And I still can. Nothing has changed, goddammit. I had this wonderful relationship that I deliberately disassembled because of some **** about me not wanting children or something. Now I have to live in some crazy biazzro world where she lives in the same house and does the same things and still has a gamer boyfriend but it's not me.