Round II - This time I will KILL IT!

[Nikolai]

How did I miss this thread? So glad you got through the operation Pekka. All best wishes from me, the Super Citizen cannot, will not, lose.

[Pekka]

How did I miss this thread? So glad you got through the operation Pekka. All best wishes from me, the Super Citizen cannot, will not, lose.

I've got to say I'm kicking its butt.. This time I figured I'd be more nastier and not give it chances to come back even! preventive strategy is better IMO, this surgery business is kind of heavy on me.... not to say it can't be done, it can be! Maybe I'll make a record "10 surgeries before the cure was found". Then again, all I need is enough extra time gor better medicine... and this might have been the game changer. You never know! I have to believe.

[SlowwHand]

[Kidlicious]

Super Citizen

[molly bloom]

Dream the Impekkable dream.

[Pekka]

HOPE does not escape this body!

I've already got my stiches off today, so from tomorrow onwards I can go to sauna Also, my head aches are getting less... I can feel the nerves all screwed up and that reaallly hurts but it's getting better... well it's been a week.. I already have a date with radiation perverts... I'll take it as an opportunity to fight dirty. Yes, it is bad for me as well but you know, it's not like fihting dirty is out of the question. After all THIS TIME I WILL KILL IT!

I wok up this morning, saying to myself "never again these morninh head aches because I won't be opreated upon again". Then immediately "never say never, it if should come about, I'll be even more ready". This kind of stuff is part of my life, to actively fight death with methods that are dirtys sure do scare me but at the same time did the food today taste good, and did I come to appreciate my friends and loved ones even more. This will launch me and people iwth me to new heights and I will share everything. I have to contribute in a big way to my society.

I was kind of surprised when going to surgery and 99 % sure thi won't end well that fear was not my biggest emotion. It was sadness. Sadness that I did NOT spend enough time with my kids etc. Took excusese not to travel. The trugh is, I was too cheap (I have the money to travel), and time to be with the kids (they aren't too small now but it's a lot of work so that's an excuse really).

So I decided tthat I will not continue to work like I used to. I will work quality wise, and fulfill my duty and keep my word but I will do less work. I've already let my boss know that I'm OK but I will require some changes. I'm sure he understands.

[rah]

Yes, the suspercitizen will win again.

[Aeson]

SUPERCITIZEN

[Ben Kenobi]

So I decided tthat I will not continue to work like I used to. I will work quality wise, and fulfill my duty and keep my word but I will do less work. I've already let my boss know that I'm OK but I will require some changes. I'm sure he understands.

Good decision. You won't regret this.

[Dinner]

I'm glad things are going well for you, man. Poly needs you to stick around because it just wouldn't be the same without you, Pekka.

[Ming]

SUPERCITIZEN... A FIGHTER AND NEW CHAMPION!

CONGRATS!

[SlowwHand]

Pekka is an inspiration. He rocks!

[Pekka]

Thanks for the kind words, everyone I think it is one of the biggest complements to say to be of inspiration to anyone. I really think so.

In any case... further treatments start soon and I have decided to live and fight. I live to fight and I fight to live. It is one of the greatest battles any person can have, a battle against his very own essence, the buildings blocks, cells. So I'll be kicking them soon.

[Dinner]

Other than that (I know it is the elephant in the room) how are things going? How is your family holding up and what do you do for fun? I know having an illness this serious can be all consuming but you also need to go on living and having hobbies even if they're small things like drawing or finger painting with your kids. Those things are important too, my friend.

[Pekka]

Things are going nice... I'm a bit worried about my wife, I think she's not handling things well, I think she has anger issues... she gets angry a lot and shouts a lot... at the kids mostly, even I get a bit scared sometimes... it's like this primitive hatred that spills out sometimes. I think we need to solve that and address it soon. The atmosphere can be dark, palpable and tangible during those moments and I'm left with physical and bad migraine like head aches... I cannot ignore it anymore. I realise she has lots that contribute into that thing but we need to solve it... Also... I need to take her into great health as well, because if I lose this war (even though I won't), she needs to carry on for a logn time and she can't get really sick... so, if she's in great shape both physically and mentally, it'll just be so much better with 2 kids who need attention...

What do I do for fun? What a GREAT question! I don't know! Not enough of that!! I know what I'd like to do... Now? I sleep late... I haven't done that until I got sick again so I consider that fun... I sleep late and not feel guilty about that. For hobbies, not enough... I'm eager to get back to strength and condition training, but I still have to recover for few more weeks... but it's around the corner already Other hobbies? Reading, photohraphy... I think I need to step up them both and do less violent video games. I enjoy many of them, like GTA 5 and all the war games but I think it would be better to do more reading and photography. And do more stuff with kids. I now say more "yes" to my kids when they ask me to do things than before. Of course I said yes before as well, now I just do it more often.. play with dolls, dance, do puzzles (tha'ts really fun!) adn so forth... I think I'll get that Geek dad's projects for kids and get some ideas so we can do our little nerdy projects... I think we'd all enjoy them.

Also I'm trying to connect more with my friends... I'll go to see a friend on Thursday, and have few friends over on the weekend... one of them is actually a future neurologists, so it's quite interesting. I'm getting into yoga and meditation for fun and relaxation, I'v enoticed that I've got out of touch from myself and my feelings years ago. It has served me well on many occasions but I think it is now a problem and to fight this fight I need to break that ice and understand it... see what's inside me. So we can getn co-operate and kill all the rogue cells. There are lost of issues I'm sure, lots of fears, I'll just dig them otu and face them all, find peace. Then I'm SURE I will kill this sucker and win it once in for all. For further fun, I'm looking places to travel... I have a big list but realistic ones should be had....

Also trying to find ways to work less... I think I've found the way, it' snot yet implemented but i think I should work enough to get us by and just focus on living and fighting for the rest of the time.

Radiation therapy starts day over tomorrow.. I'm not very anxious yet... just a bit... I mean the surgery was such a thing that it's nothing compared to this, mentally I mean. For some reason I though I was goign to die... unconsciously I was sure this would not end well, and I kept like lying to myself "don't think that.... be rational" but I cannot explain it to you, sometimes you have a bad feeling something is going to happen and oyu're sure of that... and that waas the underlying tone of the thing... I was so sure it was my last day... last everything... last time in a car, last time seeing my wife, last time talkign to my mom, last time seeing my kids.... man it was so depressing having those thoughts while doing them. But then I lived instead! Woke up, feeling pretty good... a bit banged up but having that confidence "I'm OK!".... it's like re-birth. So no, a bit of radiation doesn't match up. I know I'll live. The only thing is that they'll do it only once for the brain so even fi we are able to slow it down or even shrink it a bit and it comes back, then we cannot do that anymore so it's like the joker used early in the game... but that's about it... I'm living on borrowed time anyway, an dI don't know into ansesthesia to have my brain slashed and skull cracked open, so this is less invasive. What comes, comes. I'm probably not ready, but hey, we never are when it comes down to it. At least i know what I feel like in the face of death. Not a good feeling for sure, but I've been there. I handled it last time, this is but a ****ty microwave thing. Not exactly intimidating.