Round II - This time I will KILL IT!

[rah]

Yep, my father was told 6 months when he was 49. He's still laughing in his 80's.

[Pekka]

rah, EXACTLY! THere are SO many stories like that. And I'm glad one of them is your father, rah.

[notyoueither]

Hope things go your way, Pekka.

[rah]

rah, EXACTLY! THere are SO many stories like that. And I'm glad one of them is your father, rah.

So am I. When we went out to the clubs drinking last fall, he joked that all the Doctors that told him that have passed away. And most of them were younger than him.

[Pekka]

Shouldn't laugh about other people dying but that's still funny 1 month though... that's harsh! They must have been so sure... to say 1 month is like "could be any moment now... ". I don't like that. Itmust be really difficult for doctors to deal with these situations. I'm sure they care about people, tha tmust be why they want to be doctors to begin with but to actually confront people an dyou believe they are goign to die soon.. how do you tell them? In here, they just sort of blurt it out. "you've got... 3 to 5" they said me the first time... "years?" "yeah... approximantely, but don't worry about it, that's plenty of time to be had". Like yeah... I was 29 at the moment when I heard taht. My wife was pregnant. Total shocker. They actually told me about it over the phone. No warning, nothing. Just "you've got 3 to 5". Now it's just been "I'm sorry... there's some changes..." Sure.

In any case, I've experienced some sorf ot enlightenment. I knwo it only lasts when in this situation though. I feel super happy and lucky when I wake up. Morning times are awesome. Because I can't be 100 % sure I wake up. Then when I do, it's like happy times. This might sound groteaque and morbid, but the happiness is genuine. It's pure, it's like a STRONG high. I'm tellign you guys, I'm high on life. I get momentary relapses of desperation and dark sadness, when I think about the kids missing me and asking questions who I was and not getting to know me and all that not being able to be around to help and support... missing all those great things in life with them we're supposed to experience together...school, vacations, hobbies, sports, movies, all kinds of great stuff, family occasions... so when I get into that loop, I'm really down but when I bounce back, I'm high like on some 100 % government made medical "super happiness drug" where the sun shines better than ever, food tastes better, music sounds better etc.

[Alexander's Horse]

Hi Pekka, that's great - could you make arrangements so someone will let us know if you can't communicate with us for whatever reason.

[Pekka]

Ah, probably not... I guess the only arrangement to be made is that if I don't post for a week or so, I cannot communicate. I'll make a conscious decision to post in this thread throughout my treament.

It starts on Monday, radiation + chmeo at the saem time... so I should be able to post every week and have some news how that goes.

[-Jrabbit]

Thinking of you daily, Pekka. Best of luck in the next round of treatments.

SMASH IT.

[Kidlicious]

Glad to hear you are able to keep your spirit up. You are a true inspiration.

[Pekka]

Tell you teh truth, the spirit is what it is. It's up and it's down. But it gets up even from dark places. There's some sort of "I'll still make it" hope that just doesn't die. Doctors and nay-sayers don't l ike ti too much... but what can I say, my will to live is larger then their ego. Not sure if it's enough but we'll see.

[Sava]

Pekka

[Pekka]

Uh oh, even the icd code had changed... it sounded much worse now. Even to a first timer it spells out "this guy is dead soon". But like I said, I feel good for now so all I'm concerned is that the're just printer papers, it could be false diagnosis, and even if it isn't, stats are stats, it works if I get to do it 1000 times over. But this is a single shot so it could be anything. And for that anything, I can make little changes. Liek right now, I can eat my medibles we made few days ago. Quite nice and relaxing these medibles... + they kill cancer cells.

[Alexander's Horse]

sure Pekka concentrate on your treatment and being well

[SpencerH]

Pekka, you really are an amazing guy. I look forward to meeting you in person some day.

[Pekka]

Sure, I'll do my US roadtrip 2014 or 2015 with the wife and kids. I'll be fighting for sure.

Tommorrow is my last day without cancer treatment virginity left.. Monday the havoc starts.

... so I still get to see Super Bowl and enjoy it without nausea! And for nausea, I have prepared some natural medicine....