Women - Pretentious or Prudish?

[asleepathewheel]

Originally posted by Jon Miller
I disagree. And I think the important thing is compromise and control over oneself. And someone who hasn't had sex until they are married is more likely going to be able to control themselves or sacrifice (ie compromise):
"You know, we don't have to do golden showers for me to get off, I guess I never need to try that."

Jon Miller

Are you married?

And instead of golden showers, try thinking about my bj example.

Wouldn't you agree that sexual incompatibility can lead to adultery or divorce?

[Alinestra Covelia]

Originally posted by Lancer
Your drift is perpetually evident.

I see your point, I see your point. Your point is hard to miss. It's well-made and eyecatching, yes. Yes.

[LordShiva]

How many people buy a car without test-driving several models?

[b etor]

lol that's what the lady i babysit for said LOL

[Jon Miller]

I think that some people are looking for very different things compared to what I am looking for.

JM

[Alinestra Covelia]

That depends. If you're looking for tax refunds, a job, or a pair of glasses, we've got a fair bit in common right about now.

[Aeson]

People who wait for marriage obviously have different priorities when it comes to sex. Personally I wouldn't mind waiting till married. I'd only get married if the person was the one I wanted to spend my life with regardless.

If I'm worried about sex to the point I'd change partners based on sex, why get married at all? Seems terribly counterproductive.

[Ben Kenobi]

Well, it doesn't have to be anything that kinky, it could be something as pedestrian as the a nice blowjob.

That says to me pretty much everything. How many of the folks who are waiting until marriage would marry or divorce someone based on whether they give blow jobs or not?

It's not pedestrian, but it's certain something that can be discussed before hand. If she's not really enthralled by a blow job then you have to assess how important that would be in your life.

If a guy has waited, I'm not sure how he would develop a 'taste' for a blow job so strong. It seems to me this willingness to experiment would be associated with wanting to have sex before marriage.

[Lancer]

Originally posted by Jon Miller
I think that some people are looking for very different things compared to what I am looking for.

JM

In this country, yes I think you're right.

[asleepathewheel]

Originally posted by Ben Kenobi


That says to me pretty much everything. How many of the folks who are waiting until marriage would marry or divorce someone based on whether they give blow jobs or not?

Its not about the blowjobs, per se, its about sexual incompatibility. Maybe it won't be a problem for you and your future spouse, I hope it won't, but the fact of the matter simply is that sexual incompatibility can lead to infidelity and divorce. And you don't really know if you are compatible sexually until you engage in sexual activity. Sure some people place less of an emphasis on sex than others, but at the end of the day, we are animals programmed to procreate.

Originally posted by Ben Kenobi
It's not pedestrian, but it's certain something that can be discussed before hand. If she's not really enthralled by a blow job then you have to assess how important that would be in your life.

My point was that regardless of what is discussed before hand, there is a difference between the intellectual discussion of an act and the actual performance of the act. I think you'll understand that when you're at that point. (I'm not trying to be condescending)

Originally posted by Ben Kenobi
If a guy has waited, I'm not sure how he would develop a 'taste' for a blow job so strong. It seems to me this willingness to experiment would be associated with wanting to have sex before marriage.

Powder keg. Sexual repression can lead to unfortunate consequences.

[Cartimandua]

My husband and I both waited to have sex until we were married. During our honeymoon and the time following, we quickly learned the various things that we liked and things we didn't like so much. Our sexual taste was developed together, and as such we are extremely compatible. We know how to make each other really happy in bed and our quirks are shared interests.

Sure, we talked about things beforehand and read a few educating books because communication is a huge key. You have to be willing to say how you are really feeling about something and if you need something different. For us, sex is a very emotional, physical, and spiritual connection that was honed through trust, love, and time.

We dated a year and a half before we got married and since we didn't have to worry about our physical relationship, we were able to put time into getting to know each other and becoming best friends. When the time came for sexual relations we already knew each other so well that nothing was a surprise and it was a wonderful experience.

[Monk]

nothing to see

[Alinestra Covelia]

Originally posted by Ben Kenobi
If a guy has waited, I'm not sure how he would develop a 'taste' for a blow job so strong.

We can ask some gay forum members about this particular question.

[Monk]

Originally posted by Ben Kenobi
That says to me pretty much everything. How many of the folks who are waiting until marriage would marry or divorce someone based on whether they give blow jobs or not?

The blow job is not a good analogy - the sheer amount of sex drive is much better. If you're a blow job fanatic, you probably knew that before you ever had one, the sheer quantity of sex you'll eventually fancy is much harder to predict. And while somebody who's a sucker for blowjobs (sorry) could probably get off in some other way, there's no reasonable alternative for the guy or girl who's in a marriage with four times the need for sex as their spouse.

Now I don't question some people, maybe most people, can pull it of beautifully - congrats to you Cartimandua, I believe every word you say - and everybody's got to do it their way after all. But to me this idea seems to make marriage less special, actually. I mean, surely everybody will agree you should know your partner extremely well before you embark on a marriage, and talking only gets you that far. Just like merely discussing her hobbies or family or friends wouldn't be enough for you guys - you'd want some personal experience with all that prior to marriage.

[Imran Siddiqui]

I do think that Monk makes a REALLY good point. Until you are actually having sex, there really is NO WAY that sex drive can be assessed. And that can cause a lot of problems later one.