Women - Pretentious or Prudish?

[Jon Miller]

As in example. If someone is very caring and cares for me, and we are in a sexual relationship (I am ignoring marriage for the moment, as for most things I don't see the difference between a long stable relationship and marriage), than they will do their best to satisfy me, whatever my tastes may be.

On the otherhand, let's say I look for someone who is sexually compatible instead. We share tastes, and I am satisfied (obviously). However, over time, our tastes diverge. Now, I am not satisifed (unless she also cares for me and is very caring/etc).

Now what should I look for in a partner, someone who is sexually compatible or someone who is caring/selfsacrificing/cares for me? Which is more likely to keep my satisified in the long term?

Now, obviously you often have relationships where one person is the giver and one person is the receiver. This is a different issue though. Obviously thuogh, for the long term stable relationship, it is best if we are both caring/sacrificing people who care for eachother.

This is the central message of the hairbrush myth.

JM

[KrazyHorse]

than they will do their best to satisfy me, whatever my tastes may be.

You haven't met many women, have you...

[Kontiki]

It seems to be a common theme among the "no sex before marriage" crowd.

[KrazyHorse]

Plus the feeling of having a woman do something in bed only because you like it is horrible.

[LordShiva]

Originally posted by Kontiki
It seems to be a common theme among the "no sex before marriage" crowd.

It seems JM isn't part of that crowd, though, to be fair.

[Imran Siddiqui]

Now what should I look for in a partner, someone who is sexually compatible or someone who is caring/selfsacrificing/cares for me? Which is more likely to keep my satisified in the long term?

Both.

Seriously, though, you need to definitely have aspects of both sides. You need someone who is caring and someone who is sexual compatible. If you are sexually frustrated in the marriage, then you aren't happy and vice versa. To pretend it will be otherwise is a bit delusional, I'm afraid.

[Jon Miller]

No, I am the suck with women.

JM

[Jon Miller]

Originally posted by KrazyHorse
Plus the feeling of having a woman do something in bed only because you like it is horrible.

Are you familiar with the hairbrush story?

As I said, obviously things really only work if you are both the sacrificing/caring/etc types.

JM

[KrazyHorse]

That's because you tell them your second career choice is "pirate".

Which is admittedly the most awesome thing anybody's ever said.

[KrazyHorse]

Originally posted by Jon Miller


Are you familiar with the hairbrush story?

Errr. No.

I'm sort of nervous. Should I even ask?

[KrazyHorse]

Just as I thought. Half the results on the first page of google hits for "hairbrush story" are pornographic.

[Monk]

I do think that the emphasis on great sex is ignoring the point.

As suggested by Arrian, you're missing the point. I'm not talking about achieving great sex, I'm talking about avoiding sexual incompatibility and all the emotional problems following it for the very reason that sex is not just about an orgasm or three.

what should I look for in a partner, someone who is sexually compatible or someone who is caring/selfsacrificing/cares for me?

Honestly, you should go for somebody who meets both those criteria. (Edit: Seems Imran beat me to it) It's not like it's an either-or question. A better question would be, would you marry somebody who's caring and cares for you if at least one of you won't be sexually fulfilled.

(Edit 2: in·com·pat·i·bil·i·ty - yeah, that's the ticket!)

[Jon Miller]

To be honest, I did say excluding a few kinks. I don't think that it is required to try the kinks before deciding that you will exclude them.

So I guess I did put a quick check on sexual compatilbity. I will note that finding the perfect compatible sexually is of little importance compared to the other things on the list, especially since sexual interests change (they aren't deep things) while (hopefully) caring/etc don't.

Jon Miller

[Jon Miller]

Originally posted by KrazyHorse
Just as I thought. Half the results on the first page of google hits for "hairbrush story" are pornographic.

I might be familiar with those as well, but I am refering to the following story:

Boy has interest, girl has great long hair. Girl likes a nice brush, boy likes something to improve interest. For Christmas/etc, girl cuts off hair to buy something to improve interest, boy sells interest to by brush that girl wanted.

This is of course told in the most boring fashion possible.

JM

[Ben Kenobi]

Its not about the blowjobs, per se, its about sexual incompatibility. Maybe it won't be a problem for you and your future spouse, I hope it won't, but the fact of the matter simply is that sexual incompatibility can lead to infidelity and divorce.

That is true. So does money. However, I think you can have a reasonable idea of whether you are sexually compatible without having to have had sex. I mean you both should find each other attractive.

Sure some people place less of an emphasis on sex than others, but at the end of the day, we are animals programmed to procreate.

I don't see why sexual compatibility is so different from other forms of compatibility.

Powder keg. Sexual repression can lead to unfortunate consequences.

Such as?