"I don't know if I'm in love with you any more..."

[Snowflake]

Guynemer, I actually almost cried for you when I read your last post. Please take care of yourself.

It seems to me that for whatever reason, she feels that she couldn't find the feeling she felt when you first fell in love with each other. But she's so used to be dependent upon you. So she's turning to you for help. Don't ask her to do anything for you. Don't give her any more pressure (postpone the wedding). Be supportive and protective. Tell her your love without making her feeling bad for losing her feeling. Try think for her. Don't assume that you would be back together. Try think for her and prepare things for her when she will be alone from you. She will appreciate you even if you can't be together in the end. And perhaps she will discover again what she saw in you when you first fell in love.

Try don't dump your emotional burden on her. But please don't try shoulder all the burdens yourself. Talk to your family. You can't always live for others. You have to live for yourself. And I'm sure your mom and dad will offer you all their hearts.

And we are always here for you.

[Japher]

And we are always here for you.

Now, that made me cry... How pathetic are we

[Snowflake]

Well we can always choose not to be here for you Japher if that'll make you feel better.

[Spiffor]

Originally posted by HongHu
And we are always here for you.

This means: we're here for you to vent off your frustration without alienating your RL friends

There are some people here who'd do great as targets of your venting off

[Ben Kenobi]

Yep.

You've shown no restraint before, so fire away.

Don't give her any more pressure (postpone the wedding).

I think that goes without saying.

[Guynemer]

Oh the wedding has been postponed. Ben is quite right: that indeed DID go without saying.


Got back from the session. Funny thing. Here I thought she wanted counseling to try to save the relationship; in fact, she wanted it to help explain why she no longer wants the relationship. Silly me. I've spent the past couple hours since the session trying to at least give me a shot at making things better, or barring that, at least acknowledging that I would WANT to make things better. No dice.

So, to sum up, just over a week ago I was happy and excited, getting ready to move to a new town with a new job, looking forward to a wedding just over two months away; and I would come home from the new job every day to a loving wife and our dog. Leaving behind all my friends and family, but I had a wife and a dog, so things were a-okay.

Then-KABOOM. Nothing, except a new job in a place I was excited about because it was for US. I'm leaving behind everyone and everything I love, and there is no obvious possibility of even having a CHANCE to salvage it.

I honestly don't know whether to laugh or cry.

[Guynemer]

Originally posted by Guynemer
Ben is quite right:

Oh, and Ben--don't expect me to type that phrase

Ever

Again.

[SpencerH]

A funny thing just occurred to me (not haha).

Could it be the stress of moving that has brought about this change of heart? From what you've said, it seems like the girl has her share of psychological problems. Has she lived anywhere else than 'at home' i.e. near her family. Maybe the thought of moving away is too much. That stress is not something to sneer at. I remember that when I first joined the army we had a few fairly tough guys who couldnt take the fact that that were so far from the only place that they ever lived.

It could be that she's saying what she is for other reasons than what she says.

Obviously, with the stress of the match and now this, you're going through a tough emotional rollercoaster. I dont envy you.

[MOBIUS]

Sorry to hear about your predicament, Guy.

Experience has taught me not to let things grind you down. You have your own priorities that you need to address, such as your job in Columbus...

Maybe that might be the underlying problem (there usually is when women are concerned). You said yourself that you wouldn't know anyone in your new town - maybe she is scared of that. My moving to a new city was a real strain on my relationship of a while...

Still if the Columbus thing is not negotiable, then you just have to do what you have to do...

Maybe when you go she'll change her mind when she is suddenly on her own. Though it is best not to hope about these things...

All the best and I hope things work out!

[Spiffor]

Guy:
reading your posts feels like being punched in the head. I am really sorry for you, this is just a soul-destroying situation

[Guynemer]

Columbus is, sadly, required. Signed a contract.


Thing is, SHE was the one who really loved Columbus. I ranked it so high on my list in part because she loved it so much.

Christ, I hate this feeling.

[SpencerH]

$hit

Je ne regret rein

[Snowflake]

Guynemer, I feel sorry for you. Don't crash, be strong. Things will be better. You have a future to look forward to. Yes it may not have her in it. But you'll have an entire new life in front of you.

[Skanky Burns]

We are here for you, FWIW.

[Spiffor]

Is it the first time you move far from your family and friends? If so, I understand the feeling, as I really felt like an alien when I left home to study alone, at 19.

But you'll make new friends, and it takes little effort to keep contact with the old ones. In general, moving out is an opportunity that is quite easy to seize to discover a new life (if you don't do this too often)

Maybe you wanted to port your life in Michigan to Colombus... Maybe you wanted to bring the old life in your new life... Maybe this has just opened the door to you really building your adult life, instead of adapting your old self... I don't know, but HongHu is right: you have your future in front of you, and the future remains open; the only thing is that you don't know whether she will take part in this future or not.