Please don't take this too seriously.

[ColdWizard]

You seem to do all right here. How are you different IRL? Just more quiet?

Nobody here is real.

[Sava]

Nobody here is real.

[rah]

Actually I find it easier to communicate in real life where you can judge body language and it's much easier to detect sarcasm and the like.
Relying totally on written words can leave out a lot.

And I agree that he communicates quite well here. If you could use the same mindset IRL he'd be quite popular with the women.

[Lorizael]

About a year ago one of my coworkers snuck up behind me and grabbed me by the shoulders, surprising me. I hate when people do things like that. I hate unexpected social things. I hate being touched without permission. Hate hate hate. Normally, despite my hatred for that kind of stunt, I would try my best not to react at all. I might laugh and go along with it all. But this time, for reasons that still aren't entirely clear to me, I decided to stand up for myself. So I told my coworker not to ever do that again, because I'm really not a fan of unexpected physical contact. I thought I was just being stern and straightforward.

Last week, my new boss was trying to figure out how to rile me up. He's noticed that I don't ever seem bothered by anything, that I don't ever get angry, that I never say what's on my mind or react to what people say. My coworker took this moment to interject that it is possible to rile me up, and he recounts his version of the above story. From his perspective, I flipped out, yelled at him, and gave him crazy eyes. I scared him to the extent that he would never try anything like that again. Since then, my boss has been threatening to sneak up on me, and I've responded by laughing mildly.

This story, I feel, reveals several of my social deficits. See if you can spot them all.

[Sava]

About a year ago one of my coworkers snuck up behind me and grabbed me by the shoulders, surprising me. I hate when people do things like that. I hate unexpected social things. I hate being touched without permission. Hate hate hate. Normally, despite my hatred for that kind of stunt, I would try my best not to react at all. I might laugh and go along with it all. But this time, for reasons that still aren't entirely clear to me, I decided to stand up for myself. So I told my coworker not to ever do that again, because I'm really not a fan of unexpected physical contact. I thought was just being stern and straightforward.

I hate this as well.

I completely disowned a hockey buddy because he randomly came up behind me and started creepily massaging my shoulders.

Though, I don't mind random contact from females.

This slight homophobia is a PTSD symptom from being sexually abused as a child. I recognize it and don't let it rule my thoughts and feelings on LGBT issues.

Your boss' behavior sounds highly inappropriate.

[Lorizael]

Ack. I didn't know that, Sava. That's ****ed up.

(The ****ed up part of me wishes I had such a good reason to dislike physical contact. Instead I'm just a weirdo. You can beat the crap out of me for saying this, btw.)

[Sava]

Ack. I didn't know that, Sava. That's ****ed up.

Yes. It takes most of my energy not to hunt the mother****er down. My family knows his family (and see the parents maybe once every decade), but they don't know what happened. I also have absolutely no desire to rehash such events. I did it once in therapy when I was 27... and usually tell girlfriends about it. But otherwise, it's in the past.

The best I do now is just rip on pedophile priest stories. My abuse wasn't violent, thankfully. But it nevertheless has influenced my mental health as an adult. Sadly, that wasn't the worst experience of my childhood.

(The ****ed up part of me wishes I had such a good reason to dislike physical contact. Instead I'm just a weirdo. You can beat the crap out of me for saying this, btw.)

You don't need to have been a victim of anything to not like unsolicited physical contact. It's assault. If anyone touches you (primarily after you've expressed that such contact is unwelcome), press charges. Or lift lots of weights and be physically intimidating. That's my strategy.

[Bereta_Eder]

Why not turn around and ***** slap them on their own shoulder hard?
You know, amicably and then laugh like it's all fun?
Sleep deprivation will provide any necessairy lowering of inhibition and also increase irritability which will make the ***** slap harder?

(I'm talking out of my ass here, never been in a situation like that)

[Bereta_Eder]

oops error.
they just grabbed you by the shoulders not patted you in the back.
turn around and punch them in the stomach, amicably. (make pretend and then laugh as they recoil).

or grab their hands throw them in the air and say quit ****ing do that

(hmm, I have a bit of aggression today)

also you could make pretend you're going to punch their jewels as a reply to their gesture, amicably

oh and coming to think about it, I have been in a situation like that with a co-worker. Nice guy, honest but very touchy touchy. He used to pretend to punch me in the stomach or the nuts for fun. I think I just managed not to blink (after some tries) and he quit. He's actually a friend now. Maybe that was his ritual of acquintance

[Lorizael]

I wouldn't want to react more strongly than I did. Somehow, me just being stern was interpreted as me going crazy and flipping out.

[ColdWizard]

It could have been intentionally exaggerated for dramatic/comedic effect.

[Bereta_Eder]

Maybe because they expected you to reply in their own "language"? So the different responce spooked them?
I really don't know.

[Bereta_Eder]

That's for meeting a friend though, not a co-worker )

[Lorizael]

I think you're all rather missing the point. These are simple social situations that I could handle in any number of ways, but instead they confound me and cause me undue stress. So, you know, interacting with women the same way I interact with normal humans means I'm going to be confounded and stressed.

[ricketyclik]

Sounds like Asperger's Syndrome.

Yes, there's no denying it, chicks dig muscles. Even the ones who say they don't. They don't have to be big mind you, just defined. Veins seem to drive them wild with desire. I've heard a couple of women say that a veiny forearm basically reminds them of a big dick.