Please don't take this too seriously.

[Buster Crabbe's Uncle]

...I do.

Something inside you wants to be sick, I think. Why do suppose?

[Lorizael]

I've thought about that before. What I think it is is that I'm afraid to be anything/anyone else. I've been this way for so long that the thought of being any other way is frightening. I don't want to be depressed, but being depressed is comfortable. I hate myself, but at least I know who I am. If I were some happy, well-adjusted person, everything would be new and different, and I'd have no idea what to do with myself. That thought terrifies me. And fear is a pretty powerful motivator, too.

[Buster Crabbe's Uncle]

Sure.

But by your own testimony, you don't have much to lose. COMMIT to getting better, and you're only losing a Miltonian hell.

[rah]

Obviously nothing we say will make a difference, but when I was younger I wasn't going to classes and dropped out for a semester. Convinced the shrinks to let me withdraw without penalty.
I didn't tell my parents about it and took a job in a restaurant for room and board. I was too embarrassed. While everything worked out eventually I look back at that as one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Sure they would have been disappointed, but that's what families are good at right before they help you.

Don't shut your family out. They can help. You need more than just the doctors.

[Buster Crabbe's Uncle]

I wouldn't be making it without family support. We take care of each other. Friends are temporary, in my experience; family, suck as they do -and they do suck- is forever.

[Lorizael]

I seriously don't understand what my family could do to help.

[Buster Crabbe's Uncle]

I guess you don't need love?

...

Speaking of bummers, I just found my sister's dog dead on the back porch. I desperately don't want anything to do with it, but she's not going to be home until tomorrow night. I feel like crying.

[Lorizael]

I guess you don't need love?

I know my family loves me. But I don't see how that fact translates into a specific action that helps me.

Speaking of bummers, I just found my sister's dog dead on the back porch. I desperately don't want anything to do with it, but she's not going to be home until tomorrow night. I feel like crying.

That's pretty awful. My cat's death is the only death I've ever really mourned.

[Buster Crabbe's Uncle]

He ... had been going downhill for a long time. Living any longer would have been bad, I guess; he had begun to suffer pretty bad. My feelings are complicated.

I just wish he'd lasted two more days so I didn't have to deal with the body. I desperately do not want to have to leave the house over THIS.


As far as mourning, I went from three live grandparents in 1998 to none and just one live parent in early 2004. You've probably surmised that I had a difficult relationship with my dad. That was hard to take. This is an orgasm by comparison.

[Buster Crabbe's Uncle]

Still - suddenly in a really bad mood.

[Lorizael]

Understandably.

As far as the dog goes, I'd call a vet. My understanding is that all you're really supposed to do is keep the pet cool and dry until you cremate/bury. (You can tell me to STFU if this is not what you're looking for.)

[Buster Crabbe's Uncle]

Oh, it is.

My sister's supposed to Skype me this evening - I'll discuss it with her before I do anything.

Moist eyes.

[Ben Kenobi]

But srsly, I'm clearly not going to take any of the good advice you folks are offering, because I'm a useless meat bag destined to die alone and unhappy.

I don't think you're a useless meatbag destined to die alone and unhappy.

You want to know what I see? I see a young man who's got a family who loves him and a shot at accomplishing something with his life. Someone who - rather than sit and rot decided to take a shot and get up off the mat again.

Who chose that, Lorizael? Who chose to try again? Who chose to climb his ass off the mat again and come back for more.

You.

Now, if you believe you're a useless meatbag, why did you get up again and try?

In a few days/weeks/months/years my brain chemicals will stop being such ****heads and I'll start taking good advice again, and I'll get better for awhile, until it all comes crashing down again. So there you go.

You don't owe me anything - you don't owe your family anything.

The one you owe something to is that dude in the mirror.

Explain to him why you got off up of the mat again to try

[Ben Kenobi]

I should just shut my trap and stop bothering you folks.

**** that. Why do you think I troll Poly? Greatest stress reliever ever to know I can still piss off folks at a drop of a hat.

[Buster Crabbe's Uncle]

Read Ben's posts, Lori.