Why can't I get interviews?

[DaShi]

No offense Alby, but when you start listing all of your negative traits, it's no surprise that the more women know about you, the more they shun you.
You live in a hell hole.
You can't drive.
You can't swim.
You can't even ride a simple bicycle.
You have no money.
You don't have a good job.
You don't know how to talk to/treat women.
and the list doesn't stop.

You need to make some major changes.

He's obviously wasting his time in Rap. He's a born country-western singer.

[Asher]

Do you know what sounding is, Elok?

I'm sure Alby does.

[Ogie Oglethorpe]

As it happens, I never learned to ride a bike either, and I haven't been licensed to drive for much more than a year and a half. Nor can I swim, though not for lack of trying so much as low body fat making it very hard for me to float.

ONE OF US!
ONE OF US!
ONE OF US!

Edit: I tried riding a bike fairly recently--not exactly difficult, and I could probably do it well with only a little practice if I had a good reason to bother. Recommend Al try it if the need comes up.

Best Frasier Episode Evah!

[Elok]

I don't recall many episodes of Frasier; is that where the "one of us" meme came from?

Do you know what sounding is, Elok?

I'm sure Alby does.

I thought that was when you lowered a line off the side of a boat to determine the depth of the water. If this is a gay innuendo thing, I'll just randomly guess that it involves replacing "water" with "anus" and "line" with "some body part."

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

Nope. Never had a bicycle growing up so I don't know how to ride it. Funny you remember so much about it.

It's one of those things so jaw-dropping that it gets remembered. Just like if you briefly admitted working as a fluffer for dog-porn.

[Ogie Oglethorpe]

I don't recall many episodes of Frasier; is that where the "one of us" meme came from?

I don't think so. It was one of the few Frasier episodes that relied more on the physical comedy than the normal wittier humor. Niles and Frasier both learning to ride bikes for the first time in support of a charitable event.

Fraternal Schwinns [10.16][Frasier and Niles are in a bicycle shop]
Frasier: Is there anything else we need?
Niles: Hmm, let me see. Oh yes, I know: we need to know how to ride them!
Frasier: If a child of four can ride one, then so can we.
Niles: That's what we said when we were six!


Classic

edit - It should be noted, however, that I have a certain fondness for physical gags and made my family go to the three stooges movie 3 times.

[Hauldren Collider]

Alby, move to Wilmington. It will probably be the best decision you ever make.

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

The "One of us" meme comes from the classic movie "Freaks".

[MRT144]

I'm going into the Marines.

LMAO!!! FUNNIEST THING ALL THREAD.

[onodera]

Need a license. Need to take classes to learn how to drive.

Buy a ****ing scooter. They don't count as motorbikhs here in Russia, so you don't need a license. Dunno about the US.

[MRT144]

I haven't driven since 2003. Best decision I've ever made.

[Ben Kenobi]

Alby, move to Wilmington. It will probably be the best decision you ever make.

Seriously Albie. I'm about a hop and a skip away from driving out that way myself just so I can ****ing teach you how to goddamn drive. It doesn't take that long. And you'll learn on a goddamn stick.

[Al B. Sure!]

Nor can I swim, though not for lack of trying so much as low body fat making it very hard for me to float.

Sounds like BS to me. I doubt your bodyfat is that low. And since you don't train, if it is, you are very unhealthy. Eat something.

[Al B. Sure!]

I'm pretty sure that's close to self-explanatory; does it look like a V? If not, it's a crew neck (i.e., rounded). If I'm wrong, however, I don't especially care.

Yeah I knew there was something wrong with Lori because he couldn't make this distinction.

[regexcellent]

I haven't driven since 2003. Best decision I've ever made.

You are not a real American.