To be or not to be... an *******.

[-Jrabbit]

I only claim that I know her better than some random people on the internet who only ever hear the bad things about her.

1. You started the thread.
2. We only know what you've told us.

[Lorizael]

"She may be a psycho girl, but trust me, she's one of the good ones."

Well, yeah. Everyone always thinks their own relationships are different and special.

[Lorizael]

1. You started the thread.
2. We only know what you've told us.

I know, I know. I always get very frustrated when I start threads like these because, of course, it's impossible for me to relate all the nuances that make a situation unique.

[Kitschum]

No. I didn't believe it was inappropriate. In the aftermath of the whole debacle, I told her sending me more would be a bad idea, and she agreed.

So you were leading her on. Guided by your own twisted feelings for her, perhaps.

Oh, I'm not taken aback. And I've done plenty of scrutinizing in this area. I only claim that I know her better than some random people on the internet who only ever hear the bad things about her.

You do, obviously. But you don't know everything. You had a reason for posting the thread and you must have known what kind of advice you were gonna get.

I predict that whatever you do, and whatever she does, you're going to feel bad because of her.

[Lorizael]

So you were leading her on.

Not exactly. I had a pretty passive role in the friendship. I let her, yes, and it can definitely be argued that I shouldn't have, but I didn't actively encourage her.

Guided by your own twisted feelings for her, perhaps.

Very likely.

You do, obviously. But you don't know everything. You had a reason for posting the thread and you must have known what kind of advice you were gonna get.

Yeah, I did. The thing is, "lying compulsively" is, generally speaking, a significantly more rare phenomenon than, "has good intentions but makes bad decisions." My belief is that, all else being equal, people should tend to belive the latter rather than the former most of the time. But people don't tend to work that way. We like having strong opinions on subjects we know little about.

I predict that whatever you do, and whatever she does, you're going to feel bad because of her.

Probably.

[Kitschum]

Not exactly. I had a pretty passive role in the friendship. I let her, yes, and it can definitely be argued that I shouldn't have, but I didn't actively encourage her.

Your passive role is part of the problem, you know right?

[Lorizael]

Indeed.

[ColdWizard]

Sometimes trying to help is detrimental to both the helper and helpee. Is she getting on-going professional help?

[Ben Kenobi]

So the question is, should I be there for her? I'm living happily with my girlfriend and I'm in no desperate need of friends, but I can't deny that I still care a great deal for the EBFWRML.

This tells me that you still love her and that whatever you have with your present gf, isn't what you had with her.

It's completely up to you Lori. Who do you want to be with? Who, ultimately, would you be happy with long term. I can't make that decision for you, and neither can your present GF.

If you feel that this gal is worth the headache and frustration, then do what you have to do, be there for her, and give her the support that you feel she needs from you.

If you feel that this gal is not worth the headache and frustration, then you have to decide the extent at that which you want to help her.

I would make some rules, such as not visiting her, seeing her without the current gf being there as well. Anything you get from her, you don't open unless the gf is there. If you feel that she cannot and will not respect your boundaries then she's made the decision for you.

[Lorizael]

Uh, I have no desire to have any kind of romantic relationship with the EBFWRML. I just want to know if I should still bother caring about her.

[MikeH]

I think the most difficult thing about depression is accepting just how normal and predictable your symptoms really are.

Yeah, there might be nuances, but probably far, far fewer things about her are unique than you or her would like to think.

[Lorizael]

My only argument is that it's quite a leap from being depressed and doing dumb things to being a pathological liar.

[Kitschum]

My only argument is that it's quite a leap from being depressed and doing dumb things to being a pathological liar.

To be fair, we didn't have the full picture. It appears you were enabling her to do those dumb things as well...

[Lorizael]

Hence the reason I believe the destruction of my previous relationships is completely my own fault.

[Ben Kenobi]

Uh, I have no desire to have any kind of romantic relationship with the EBFWRML. I just want to know if I should still bother caring about her.

Calling it as I see it.