To be or not to be... an *******.

[ColdWizard]

Recently, however, her perennial depression has reared its ugly head again. Our ability to support each other during our various depressive episodes was one of the really big parts of our friendship back in the day, and because of that she's reaching out to me now.

I'm living happily with my girlfriend and ... history shows that I will seriously mother****ing **** things up.

She needs serious professional help, which hopefully she's now getting.

When she's sick she might not be able to help herself try and destroy your relationship, if her depressive thinking makes it seem like that'd get more from you...

Also, if she harms herself it's not your fault, it's the illness. There's probably little you can do that will help her get better.

Is the Key phrase. She has screwed up your life before and you don't dare risk it again. It may sound harsh, but you already played that game and got screwed. You may think you still owe her something but you do not. That debt was paid. DON"T LET HER MESS WITH YOU ANYMORE. DO NOT RISK WHAT YOU HAVE

Ok, your friends are right. She destroyed your previous relationships.

Forget what I said, stay clear. She'll destroy this one too.

All of these = run away. She needs far more help than you can give her. Given the opportunity she will likely try to get you back to the position you were in before. Which is, obviously, a bad place to be.

[rah]

Just tell your current that she's poison and you don't want to risk your current relationship because it means so much to you.

[MikeH]

My girlfriend thinks that I should be there for the EBFWRML if necessary, but that I need to be completely open and honest about all my dealings with her. However, I met my girlfriend after I stopped being friends with the EBFWRML, so she has no firsthand experience with the relationship-destroying stuff. (By which I mean the girlfriend doesn't possibly think the EBFWRML could be all that bad.)

That sounds reasonable.

What I meant by "make sure you involve your girlfriend in everything" specifically was let her know about all communication with EBFWRML, especially anything that crosses the line. And preferably have her there for most/all face to face meetings.

I understand why you care, and want to help. Just be incredibly careful if you do.

[MikeH]

Really I think staying away is safest for everyone though.

[-Jrabbit]

make sure you involve your girlfriend in everything.

Keep your eyes on the prize, Lori.

We know that this woman is bipolar, has already messed up your life, has huge emotional/financial needs, and is playing the suicide card. You are not in any position to be a solution for her.

When you see a train wreck, the instinct is to help the victims. But this looks more like a vortex or a black hole -- sucking in anyone who gets too close and destroying them.

[Cort Haus]

You don't owe her anything, L, and you are not responsible for her actions.

[Lorizael]

Playing devil's advocate...

...has already messed up your life...

Were I to tell her that I can't let her **** up my life again, she'd say she understood and stop talking to me.

...has huge ... financial needs...

I know for a fact that she would never ask me for money and would probably not even let me give her money.

...and is playing the suicide card.

She contends not that she is playing any card but that she has rationally decided suicide is the best, or possibly only, option for her.

It's little things like this that always made me think she was different from all the other psycho girls people always talk about.

[Kitschum]

Heh. The nudie picture thing always seems to change people's opinion of her.

Yes, because it makes her seem malicious.

Maybe there's plenty of reasons for you to not think she enjoyed breaking up your relationship with those other girls, but I have a hard time reading it any other way.

[Krill]

Or: The Return of the Evil Best Friend Who Ruined My Life

So, as some of you may or may not remember, I used to make threads from time to time about a certain FEmale in my life, whom I referred to as the Evil Best Friend Who Ruined My Life (EBFWRML). I was madly in love with her, and she was "in love" with me, too, but in a "platonic" sense, which mostly meant she told me all the time how great and awesome I was and how she was never going to have sex with me. The EBFWRML's presence ruined my first two romantic relationships, and you all thought I was pretty dumb for not demanding that she either **** me or **** off.

Anywho, for various reasons, she and I stopped being friends about three years ago.

Then, just before Christmas last year, her 50ish mother had a massive, sudden heart attack and died. I went to the funeral, because I'm not a total bastard, and after that we started talking a bit.

Recently, however, her perennial depression has reared its ugly head again. Our ability to support each other during our various depressive episodes was one of the really big parts of our friendship back in the day, and because of that she's reaching out to me now.

But she's more depressed than she's ever been before. She has no money, no mother, no friends, no job, no where to live except her father's house, no way to get out of her massive college loans, and no prospects for her life. Her mental state has gotten so bad, in fact, that she's trying to convince her family to let her kill herself, and she voluntarily committed herself for a few days, where she was (finally) diagnosed bipolar type II and prescribed lithium.

So the question is, should I be there for her? I'm living happily with my girlfriend and I'm in no desperate need of friends, but I can't deny that I still care a great deal for the EBFWRML. Although she has told me not to repeatedly, I will feel a great deal of guilt if she does in fact kill herself. And yet if I do let her back into my life (which, obviously, is no guarantee that she won't end it all anyway), history shows that I will seriously mother****ing **** things up.

As someone working in a mental health field...stay the **** away. Trust me, it isn't worth the risk to you.

[Lorizael]

Yes, because it makes her seem malicious.

Maybe there's plenty of reasons for you to not think she enjoyed breaking up your relationship with those other girls, but I have a hard time reading it any other way.

The EBFWRML and my first girlfriend are very close friends to this day, so unless we want to add DID to her list of mental issues, she probably didn't enjoy that, no. The second time, well, no one liked my second girlfriend.

[Kitschum]

The EBFWRML and my first girlfriend are very close friends to this day, so unless we want to add DID to her list of mental issues, she probably didn't enjoy that, no. The second time, well, no one liked my second girlfriend.

She's obviously SELF-destructive so why would her friends be off-limits?

[Lorizael]

No one will believe me, of course, but here I just have to say that I know she never intentionally hurt her friends. She hurt them, of course, because we all hurt our friends from time to time, but whenever she found out that she had hurt a friend, it always really, really ****ed with her. The alternative is that she's a deeply pathological liar with way, way more issues than anyone close to her thinks.

[-Jrabbit]

She contends not that she is playing any card but that she has rationally decided suicide is the best, or possibly only, option for her.

OK, read that back. There is nothing rational about deciding that suicide is the way to go.

That means it's either a cry for attention (the classic), or pure manipulation (whether plotted or instinctive), or the "logic" of an insane person.

Were I to tell her that I can't let her **** up my life again, she'd say she understood and stop talking to me.

Talk is cheap. I mean, here she is, talking to you.

[Kitschum]

No one will believe me, but here I just have to say that I know she never intentionally hurt her friends. She hurt them, of course, because we all hurt our friends from time to time, but whenever she found out that she had hurt a friend, it always really, really ****ed with her. The alternative is that she's a deeply pathological liar with way, way more issues than anyone close to her thinks.

Why did she send you the nude photos? What's your best guess? Because that's what doesn't jive for me.

[Krill]

She sent you nude photos?

Is she hot?