General purpose advice thread for all matters female.

[Kidlicious]

No, I just don't want stupid advice. Advice like, "I told my ex-wife about this and she says the girl doesn't like you" is stupid because it's so completely devoid of facts. But don't worry; I'm not biased. obiwan18's advice that she does like me because she was giggling while I was on the phone with her is also stupid.

We'll see after tonight, though.

What-the-****-ever, if she liked you she would have jumped your bones on the couch anyway. You are ****ing lying to yourself and choosing what you want to believe. You're the most deluded person on this site.

[Lorizael]

i find being direct has always benefited me, and continues to do so. the 'cat-and-mouse' game that tends to get played results in you working yourself up only to be let down, or vice versa. in being direct about what you want you save quite a bit of everyone's time.

I have been direct, but with words. Of course, as has been said here and elsewhere, that's not the kind of directness that works with women.

If she's being equally direct with me, then there's no cat and mouse game here; we both like each other and want to spend time with each other, but she's not "ready for anything serious." We've all heard lines like that before, though, so it's quite possible that she's lying to me in order to have a guy around that boosts her self esteem. *shrug*

[Lorizael]

What-the-****-ever, if she liked you she would have jumped your bones on the couch anyway. You are ****ing lying to yourself and choosing what you want to believe. You're the most deluded person on this site.

Do tell, Kid, what am I choosing to believe?

[Kidlicious]

Do tell, Kid, what am I choosing to believe?

Just for one, that my ex-wife didn't say that. I suppose you think another female didn't say that either.

[self biased]

I have been direct, but with words. Of course, as has been said here and elsewhere, that's not the kind of directness that works with women.

If she's being equally direct with me, then there's no cat and mouse game here; we both like each other and want to spend time with each other, but she's not "ready for anything serious." We've all heard lines like that before, though, so it's quite possible that she's lying to me in order to have a guy around that boosts her self esteem. *shrug*

then be forward, then. y'all can still bone each other and have it be casual. that's how my wife and i got started. there's no shame in it.

[Lorizael]

Just for one, that my ex-wife didn't say that. I suppose you think another female didn't say that either.

I didn't say your ex-wife didn't say that; I said she was lying.

And Jesus Christ, Kid, I was kidding. I couldn't possibly know what your wife said, and I couldn't possibly care.

then be forward, then. y'all can still bone each other and have it be casual. that's how my wife and i got started. there's no shame in it.

No, no shame in that. And it might go that way.

[MikeH]

I have been direct, but with words. Of course, as has been said here and elsewhere, that's not the kind of directness that works with women.

I don't agree with that. Directness really does work with just talking if that's what someone wants. I suspect most of the people giving you advice about this have been in a similar situation to you. I have, she's just not into you sexually, but trying to spare your feelings. Continue to be friends, cool, but move on in terms of finding a girlfriend.

And take advice about smartening up etc. again, from experience. You don't have to be a full on meterosexual but a small amount of care about haircut, clothes, appearance etc. makes a huge difference.

Yeah, blah blah, you'll prob say you're not interested in girls who are just interested only in appearance etc. but everyone, male and female, is influenced by appearance.

[MOBIUS]

We'll see after tonight, though.

Finally going to get up the courage to grow a pair?

Good luck. And remember (potentially stupid advice coming up) it's always better to regret something you did than something you didn't.

I can't see what, if anything, there is to regret by letting his feelings be known once and for all. 3 out of the 4 most likely outcomes represent a closure of the self-inflicted torture he's dragging himself through right now, and the 4th (she's not ready for a relationship yet) is a judgement call; but he still has to set his stall out and let her know in no uncertain terms where he stands in that case...

Tomorrow I want to read that either:

They got it together (no gory details please!)

They are just going to be friends (so no more angst ridden posts of sexual frustration!)

It's all over (either he already missed the boat by being such a loser up till now, or he was merely massaging her ego till she actually had do stop stringing him along and cut him loose.)

Or - judgement call - she does actually still need some time to get over her ex (but at least he's staked his claim to be first in line when she's finally ready to put out!)

Anything else - he'd better not show his face on Poly cos we'll all laugh at him and tease him mercilessly (moreso than we're already doing)...

[MikeH]

£10 on They are just going to be friends

[Kidlicious]

I didn't say your ex-wife didn't say that; I said she was lying.

And Jesus Christ, Kid, I was kidding. I couldn't possibly know what your wife said, and I couldn't possibly care.

Oh, you don't care what a 40 year old unbiased female has to say about this, but you will listen to your friends? You're friends are just going to tell you what you want to hear. ****, they probably have plans for your woman.

[Lorizael]

Or - judgement call - she does actually still need some time to get over her ex...

Interestingly, her claim is not that she hasn't gotten over her ex - they broke up pretty amicably - but that she's been in one relationship or another without much of a break for being single since she was ~13 (and she's about to turn 24). So she said she doesn't want to move too quickly with me and wants to figure out how to do this whole being a single, young adult thing before she jumps into another long term relationship. That's what she said, anyway.

[Kidlicious]

Interestingly, her claim is not that she hasn't gotten over her ex - they broke up pretty amicably - but that she's been in one relationship or another without much of a break for being single since she was ~13 (and she's about to turn 24). So she said she doesn't want to move too quickly with me and wants to figure out how to do this whole being a single, young adult thing before she jumps into another long term relationship. That's what she said, anyway.

Women always say that ****, whether they want to **** you or not. If she has never been single it's because she's to insecure to be single. She needs a man all the time.

[Lorizael]

Oh, you don't care what a 40 year old unbiased female has to say about this, but you will listen to your friends? You're friends are just going to tell you what you want to hear. ****, they probably have plans for your woman.

Your ex may not be biased with regards to this situation, but she's certainly biased where it concerns romantic relationships. So is everyone past puberty.

I don't care what your wife thinks because she's getting your account of the situation based on what you've read of my abbreviated summary, which leaves out a whole ****load of details. She just doesn't know enough to have informed opinion.

My friends don't either, but they know more than you all on Apolyton do. And again, as I stated earlier, some of the friends I have tell me what I want to hear, and some of the friends I have never lie to me. I go to the latter when I want real advice.

[MOBIUS]

Interestingly, her claim is not that she hasn't gotten over her ex - they broke up pretty amicably - but that she's been in one relationship or another without much of a break for being single since she was ~13 (and she's about to turn 24). So she said she doesn't want to move too quickly with me and wants to figure out how to do this whole being a single, young adult thing before she jumps into another long term relationship. That's what she said, anyway.

Code for she likes you for your mind, but not your body, and she's looking to see if she can find anything better that fits both bills.

Seriously, scrub up a bit willya. You might not think it's important to look good - but you're not deciding whether to go out with you or not. I would find it pretty hilarious if you couldn't close the deal because you refused to do something as simple as getting a haircut, for example...

[Lorizael]

I have a full time job as an editor for a publishing company. I wear a dress shirt and dress pants everyday, I brush my hair, I shave, and I take regular showers. Seriously, I don't think it's me looking like a slob that puts women off.