General purpose advice thread for all matters female.

[Lorizael]

*sigh* We had a great evening together, but you all may proceed with the laughter and ridicule.

[MikeH]

Where's my £10?

[Lorizael]

We didn't shake on it. No deal.

Edit: Plus, I never definitively said she was attracted to me. My stance was that I couldn't know until I took the plunge and kissed her. Which I didn't do. So technically I still don't know, but seriously, wtf are my odds at this point.

[MikeH]

I dunno if this is true for other people in this thread, but I wasted too much time and emotional energy on girls who weren't into me. If our slightly blunt advice can spare you some of that then it's probably for the best.

Also, if you are still friends you might find that she becomes the most awesome wingman for finding other girls for you.

[David Floyd]

I know you don't really think my advice is relevant, and I know you're certainly not trying to turn into me, when it comes to women, but look, dude. I used to be exactly like you, I know exactly what you're going through.

When I was in college, I had a situation almost exactly like yours. There was a girl I met who I became really good friends with - we hung out all the time, even semesters when we didn't have classes together. We always tried to arrange at least one class together, too. I didn't ask her out at first because she had a boyfriend at the time, but I was confused that she kept hanging out with me, calling me, wanting to spend time with me.

Of course, I was still a virgin at the time, and had had one "girlfriend" (if you can call it that) in my life. I never pursued her - and my reasoning was much the same as yours. I was afraid I'd lose our "amazing friendship" if she didn't feel the same way.

Over the years, I kept in touch with her, even though she moved out of state. Finally, a few years back (coincidentally, around the time I started to figure out women), I decided to be honest with her. I told her how much I was into her, and that one of my biggest regrets was not pursuing a relationship back in college when I had the chance. Her response? "I wish you had."

Will anything happen in the future? I don't know, maybe. We've established that we both have had and still do have feelings for each other, but also that we're not going to try doing a long distance relationship. But here's the point: I doubt she's wanting to spend all of that time with you unless she's attracted to you on some level. Your time, though, isn't unlimited. If you don't make a move, she won't, either, except in the other direction towards a guy who is willing to make a move. Is any friendship worth being miserable for, quite possibly, years in the future because of regrets? Well, only you can answer that, but I'd tend to give that one a resounding "Hell NO". So let's recap
:
1)She's probably attracted to you
2)She won't wait around forever
3)If you don't make a move now, you WILL regret it later
4)You'll regret it that much more if you find out later you should have
5)Even if she shoots you down, you'll probably still be friends if you do it in a non-creepy way. And no, "moving in for a kiss" is NOT creepy, it's normal.
6)What are you waiting for? A gold-plated invitation? You've recognized the problem - your lack of balls. Now, take some advice from people who have more experience than you and (in my case) have dealt with situations exactly like yours. Trust me, you'll feel better.

Also, my advice to the rest of you on here - don't post anymore on this thread even for ridicule purposes, until Lorizael decides to take the plunge.

[David Floyd]

Also, if you are still friends you might find that she becomes the most awesome wingman for finding other girls for you.

I have a female friend who occasionally hooks me up with girls she knows. It's great, and effortless on my part. I highly recommend immediately getting a platonic female friend that you have no sexual interest in.

[Lorizael]

I wasted six years on a chick who wasn't into me. I don't need the blunt advice. I know what not to do.

This bothers me so much because what I did here was actually a pretty major accomplishment for me. I met this chick when I decided to join a writing group, I befriended her, I pursued her, I went out with her, I told her how I felt about her, but I couldn't kiss her. Everything leading up to not kissing her is new and good behavior for me. The last part is the same old ****.

But we'll definitely be friends. We talk all the time. We see each other a couple times a week. She sent me an email this morning telling me she enjoyed the evening. *shrug* I've had enough female friends I didn't ****.

[Lorizael]

Thanks, Floyd. You're being pretty reasonable.

[David Floyd]

That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me

But really, I am pretty reasonable. Sometimes, my actions, especially when drunk, are not reasonable, but what can I say?

And speaking of drunk, it's already 8:00am here, and I haven't even started my errands. The quicker I finish those, the quicker I can drink. So CHOP CHOP!

[Lorizael]

Although it's kind of funny how you changed your tune to "she's probably attracted to you." Probably just trying to comfort me in my time of mourning.

[Az]

next up: sleep, study, drink.

Sorry stuff didn't work out, Lori.


Hey, I am going to utilize this thread, also: There is a chick at my unit I wanted to date, and as soon as I got the chance, I set it up. However, my academic dedication meant I hat do reschedule, at the day of the date. The next day, she stood me up, and then told me that it's not the best time. I asked her once more some time ago, and she told me that it's suitable for her to date people from the same dept. Now she's going out with a guy from another dept. that I know. I still want her, I am greedy like that.

Possible? I am moving to a different base very soon, it seems.

[Kidlicious]

*sigh* We had a great evening together, but you all may proceed with the laughter and ridicule.

Sorry to hear that. You'll get the next one I bet.

[self biased]

if i may also offer an anecdote:

the evening that johnny cash died, a coworker and i went out to have a few drinks for the man in black. co-incidentally enough, i ran across angela, a girl who was a few years older than i was but we still had sort of a thing for each other growing up. we were just far enough apart to not be in high school together, and i was good friends with her sister and we had many friends in common. at the end of the evening we exchanged numbers and promised to get a better opportunity to catch up.

we went out to dinner a few days later, and ended up back at her apartment. so far it was largely platonic with a few sparse innuendo over the course of four or five hours.

"i have learned a few things over the last few years, though," she was brewing a pot of coffee at the time.
"oh yeah," she asked me defiantly, "like what?"

so i kissed her.

the moral of the story is that previously, i'd have been meek and mild rather than forthright. i don't know how much you know about my own sordid story (and i'm prohibited by management from saying much more than this), but this was a learned habit, and it still goes against my instinct, being direct. always, ALWAYS, has going in for that first kiss saved me a world of regret and 'what ifs.' i can honestly say to myself that i, indeed tried.

[self biased]

double post. and yes, i bedded her within ten minutes of kissing her.

[Theben]

Hmmm, there was a chick years ago when I was terminally clueless, hung out with her a lot at college. Then there was a party I didn't go to for some reason and later found out she was looking for me there, she even later asked why I didn't go. And afterwards I still didn't make a move. She later moved to Seattle, just before the 'scene' erupted there.

Now knowing what she was like I have no doubts that she would've ditched me for some other guy eventually, but DAMN she was hot.

OTOH, years later I was visiting a friend who was housesitting for the night and after some mild flirting I said, "Do you mind if I tell you something, but you might be offended (or something like that)?"
"I don't mind."
"I'd really like to feel your boobs."

5 minutes later we were in the sack.