Women - Pretentious or Prudish?

[asleepathewheel]

do you consider frequency to be an aspect of compatibility?

[Ben Kenobi]

Yes, I would.

[Imran Siddiqui]

Umm, yes I can. I can have a pretty good idea with whether I am compatible in conversation with someone if I talk to them on the phone all the time, not having met them before.

Isn't talking on the phone the same as meeting them? In both cases you are talking to someone before you commit. What, are you going to say that having phone/cyber sex will give you a good idea about physical sexual compatibility?

You have to know someone's personality before you can say you are compatible with their personality, so why is it wrong to say that you have to know someone's sexuality before you can gauge sexual compatibility?

Educate me here Imran, why wouldn't it work if two people wanted to have sex with one another? Why would they need to have experience before knowing if they were compatible in this manner.

Wow... experience would solve this, I think . Plenty, on this thread, I imagine can talk about relationships where both people wanted to have sex with one another, but yet they weren't sexually compatible... either they wanted it in different frequency, or one wanted to try more kinkier stuff than the other was comfortable with, or one wanted to do different things, etc. Just because both want to have sex with each other doesn't make a couple sexually compatible. It is the manner and frequency that has to be worked out.

[Jon Miller]

Originally posted by Imran Siddiqui
You are a strange man... and I mean that in the nicest way possible .

I like most people.

JM

[Ben Kenobi]

Isn't talking on the phone the same as meeting them?

No, but you said 'conversation', which can be done long distance.

In both cases you are talking to someone before you commit. What, are you going to say that having phone/cyber sex will give you a good idea about physical sexual compatibility?

No, not really.

You have to know someone's personality before you can say you are compatible with their personality, so why is it wrong to say that you have to know someone's sexuality before you can gauge sexual compatibility?

Yes, and that you find out when you realise you are attracted to this person and you want to have sex with them.

either they wanted it in different frequency,

Ok, two things here. I'm a radical about this topic. I think if she wants it, she's got it, and that it's important for me to do my best even if I'm not really up for it at the time. I believe most couples have different desires, and it's up for the couple to figure out something that works.

I don't see 'difference in libido' as 'sexually incompatible'. It's a fact of life that one of you is going to want it less then the other. How you work it out will determine whether things work out or not. I think it is very important that both accommodate the other and work out a compromise. If they are unwilling to do so then yes, they are sexually incompatible.

or one wanted to try more kinkier stuff than the other was comfortable with,

Again, this is from the perspective, (both of these questions!) really only make sense for someone who is already sexually active prior to marriage.

You keep telling me I need experience, it seems to me that you are having difficulty in going back to where you were personally before any of these things.

I think that a couple, where neither of them have had sex before, both of these questions will be less of an issue. How will she know how much sex she wants until she's had some experience with the guy she's married? She won't, not really. Neither will he. But by then they are learning together, so it is less of an issue, then if either of them have built in expectations that aren't being met.

Same with the kinkier stuff. If you've never had sex why would you have a desire to go beyond that? Wouldn't you both want to make sure you get the basics right before trying anything else?

I agree it should be worked out, but I think that is far easier to do when you are both starting from the same place.

[b etor]

Originally posted by Ben Kenobi

Same with the kinkier stuff. If you've never had sex why would you have a desire to go beyond that? Wouldn't you both want to make sure you get the basics right before trying anything else?

why wouldn't you?

[Aeson]

Usually sexual frequency changes over time anyways, and very likely is going to change quite a bit when a couple have kids.

Personally I think there's far greater chance of continued compatibility (sexually and otherwise) if both parties involved aren't all that worried about whether or not they're going to get it X times a week or how their partner will perform in bed. If you can love each other and want to spend your lives together without having sex at all before marriage... you're pretty much set.

In the end, if sexual incompatibility would ruin your marriage... for heavens sake don't get married. Stay single, screw whoever you want, and move on when it gets dull.

[LordShiva]

Originally posted by Aeson
Stay single, screw whoever you want, and move on when it gets dull.

[asleepathewheel]

Originally posted by Ben Kenobi
I think if she wants it, she's got it, and that it's important for me to do my best even if I'm not really up for it at the time.

If you find a woman who feels similarly, then you sir, are a lucky man. She has to be a good faker or compromiser (ie, handjob), because unless you are selfish, it really isn't a turn on when she obviously isn't into it.

Originally posted by Ben Kenobi
I don't see 'difference in libido' as 'sexually incompatible'. It's a fact of life that one of you is going to want it less then the other. How you work it out will determine whether things work out or not. I think it is very important that both accommodate the other and work out a compromise. If they are unwilling to do so then yes, they are sexually incompatible.

Nice in theory, dicey in practice.

I think that a couple, where neither of them have had sex before, both of these questions will be less of an issue. How will she know how much sex she wants until she's had some experience with the guy she's married? She won't, not really. Neither will he. But by then they are learning together, so it is less of an issue, then if either of them have built in expectations that aren't being met.

Ignorance is bliss? Best not to know what you're missing out on? That female orgasm can be a tricky thing to achieve...not for me of course

Same with the kinkier stuff. If you've never had sex why would you have a desire to go beyond that? Wouldn't you both want to make sure you get the basics right before trying anything else?

Pleasure.

[b etor]

Originally posted by Aeson
Stay single, screw whoever you want, and move on when it gets dull.

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

Originally posted by Ben Kenobi
Ok, two things here. I'm a radical about this topic. I think if she wants it, she's got it, and that it's important for me to do my best even if I'm not really up for it at the time.

Follow that logic, my boy, and one day you'll find yourself trying to stuff in a semi with your finger. And that's just degrading to all parties concerned.

[Ben Kenobi]

Afraid you've gone on past me there Laz.

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

I could post pictures, but only briefly before the ban would commence.

[Jon Miller]

Originally posted by Aeson
In the end, if sexual incompatibility would ruin your marriage... for heavens sake don't get married. Stay single, screw whoever you want, and move on when it gets dull.

Actually, if I was interested in the things that would make me consider sexual incompatibility a priority, this would probably be my lifestyle choice.

JM

[Cartimandua]

Originally posted by Aeson
Usually sexual frequency changes over time anyways, and very likely is going to change quite a bit when a couple have kids.

Personally I think there's far greater chance of continued compatibility (sexually and otherwise) if both parties involved aren't all that worried about whether or not they're going to get it X times a week or how their partner will perform in bed. If you can love each other and want to spend your lives together without having sex at all before marriage... you're pretty much set.

In the end, if sexual incompatibility would ruin your marriage... for heavens sake don't get married. Stay single, screw whoever you want, and move on when it gets dull.

I think Aeson has it all wrapped up here. I would have to agree 100% with what he said. Having been married long enough to know what's important in a relationship, I will testify that it's not how often or how mind blowing the sex is that counts. What really matters is that you love each other, take care of each other, and do whatever you can to make each other happy. Because when real life hits in the form of bills, children, stress, work, emergencies, etc, it takes more than a great sex life to make everything work out in the end.