I'm split up with my wife agian.

[Kidlicious]

My mom might help me with the lawyer, or at least she may let me stay with her rent free so that I can spend my last dollar on a lawyer.

I found out something else just now too. Shawn had the right idea. A police officer told me that if there are no custody orders I can just take my son. I have to get temporary custody orders though. If she gets them then I can't see my son until after the custody hearing. I think I screwed up though, because she might not let me see him now. Anyway, I'm working on getting the lawyer as soon as possible.

[Rufus T. Firefly]

Kid,

My wife was broke (grad student/single mom) when she went through her divorce, and she hired the best family law lawyer in town. Good lawyers will work with you -- set up payment plans and so forth. Check it out. You really, really, really need a shark here, somebody who's going to take no prisoners. As I said before, it may cost a fortune but it will be worth every penny.

[Mr. Harley]

Kid - also note what I said - DON'T start the custody pissing match now. Only do it when you can win it. You don't want her getting temporary custody, especially you don't want her establishing "He yells, he's potentially violent" et al. Not that you are, but courts will often take things solely on the woman's say so.

That is because of the number of times they have gotten burned with prosecuting a murder after the fact. It may not be fair, but there are reasons for the assumptions by the courts. TAKE IT EASY, GET THE LAWYER, and then start the fight. Doing exactly what the lawyer says.

Do the free consultation bit - but also go to the county courthouses where the lawyers practice, and check their record. You may also want to check with some single father's networks, I cannot remember their names. They deal with men who are trying to get custody or have their children, and may also be a source for a good lawyer.

Remember, though, that people often define successful as they like the individual, and they know the lawyer (who they like) tried to do everything. I don't care about feeling, I would only care about success if that was my little girl. The actual court records, and the relative success of the lawyers, will speak for themselves. Remember - TANSTAFL - There ain't no such thing as a free lunch. A good lawyer will not be cheap, will be busy, and may be very abrasive (not necessarily). Good luck.

[Kidlicious]

Right now I have to say that I'm losing. I don't even know where she is. I think she has to tell me where my son is within 72 hours, so she will probably go the whole 72 hours.

She abandoned the apartment, and there's still two months on the lease. I'll have to pay that even though I won't live there for the two months.

And I still don't have money for a lawyer. Not that I would win anyway. I'm not going to spend 3000 bucks and lose.

All I can hope for is that she will be arrested for drugs or something.

[chequita guevara]

Don't give up.

[Kidlicious]

I won't.

[Spiffor]

Then don't think things such as:

And I still don't have money for a lawyer. Not that I would win anyway. I'm not going to spend 3000 bucks and lose.

All I can hope for is that she will be arrested for drugs or something.

Accept your mother's proposal. Work to gain enough money to pay for a lawyer (even if it means postponing your studies). Your son is worth it.

[Kidlicious]

I said maybe my mom would pay for a lawyer. I still don't know. And I can't postpone my studies. Chances are I will lose in court. If I were reasonably certain to win I would entertain that possibility. I still have to finish school for my son. He needs me to be a provider for him. I can't be stupid with money.

[Spiffor]

Originally posted by Kidicious
I said maybe my mom would pay for a lawyer. I still don't know.

True, but she also suggested this: "she may let me stay with her rent free so that I can spend my last dollar on a lawyer". I'd imagine your Mom will indeed provide the housing when push comes to shove, even if the lawyer thing may be different. If you live at your Mom's and work, that's basically free money to hire a lawyer. Even a McJob can do the trick, when you don't have to pay rent.

And I can't postpone my studies.

Why? From what I gather, you have already begun your studies quite late in your life (by that, I mean that you had time to work and to marry before starting your studies). So why would a one-semester/one-year break threaten them?

Chances are I will lose in court.

The only thing that will weight against you (unless there are some things you didn't mention) is the fact that you're a man. OTOH, your wife has plenty of things put against them: she's a druggie. She has promiscuitous sex. She already lost one custody in the past.
I wouldn't call your case a slam dunk, but I feel it has reasonable chances to win, if your arguments aren't wasted by doing something rash (you have to appear "perfect")
So, why do you think you have such chances of losing?

If I were reasonably certain to win I would entertain that possibility. I still have to finish school for my son. He needs me to be a provider for him. I can't be stupid with money.

Reading that, I think you have indeed already given up on the custody. Well, that's yours to decide, obviously. But it's sad to see you being discouraged before even trying. I fear that your discouragement is the one thing you'll regret most in your life

[Kidlicious]

Originally posted by Spiffor

And I can't postpone my studies.

Why? From what I gather, you have already begun your studies quite late in your life (by that, I mean that you had time to work and to marry before starting your studies). So why would a one-semester/one-year break threaten them?

1) It is already past the drop date.

2) The only money that I have is from the college loan for this semester. If I drop out I have to pay that back.

Chances are I will lose in court.

The only thing that will weight against you (unless there are some things you didn't mention) is the fact that you're a man. OTOH, your wife has plenty of things put against them: she's a druggie. She has promiscuitous sex. She already lost one custody in the past.
I wouldn't call your case a slam dunk, but I feel it has reasonable chances to win, if your arguments aren't wasted by doing something rash (you have to appear "perfect")
So, why do you think you have such chances of losing?

The only thing that I have a chance at is the drug use, and all she has to do is stay clean before the test, and maybe only for a couple of days because of her drug of choice. I have to hope for the drug test to be positive, and that is out of my control. Who knows maybe she will stop using?

Reading that, I think you have indeed already given up on the custody. Well, that's yours to decide, obviously. But it's sad to see you being discouraged before even trying. I fear that your discouragement is the one thing you'll regret most in your life

I don't know how it is in France, but in the US if the women wants custody she can get it no problem. If she can't take care of the child and she willingly gives up custody that's another matter, but that's not my wife. She want's custody and unless she ****s up she will get it. Judges don't care about adultry or anything else.

[Whaleboy]

Stay with it man, best of luck! You and you're son don't deserve her crap, do what it takes, and like people said get a lawyer.

[Tingkai]

Somewhere inside my soul there is an echo of my youth
Some pithy little saying that contained a grain of truth
If patience is a virtue, persistence is its mark
It's better to light a candle than stand and curse the dark
But if we stand together we might turn this world around
Hold your ground
...
Sometimes it seems a motion is strictly retrograde
There are so many reverses to advances that you've made
The things you thought were changing have shuddered to a halt
But if we stand together we might turn this world around
Hold your ground
...
It isn't for the faint of heart to bet when odds are long
And neither is it easy to be right in face of wrong
You must proceed from strength to strength, although the road is rough
And sometimes human courage just isn't quite enough
But if we stand together we might turn this world around
Hold your ground
Hold your ground
Hold your ground
Oh this world is changing

-- James Keelaghan

[Rufus T. Firefly]

Kid,

Instead of hanging out here, maybe you should be hanging out in some Father's Rights groups on-line. I have to admit I generally disregard those types as bitter misogynists -- but they're angry, organized, and tend to know the law and the angles to be worked. They're going to be a lot more practical help than we are, though I'll happily continue to join the chorus of moral support here.

[Kidlicious]

Thanx for the support everyone.

[chequita guevara]

Where the hell is blackice when he's actually needed?