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My son has been concealed from me for over 48 hours now and the police are screwing me. The guy told me that I have to wait 2 weeks to file concealment charges. I know he's lying. I guess I'll have to get that lawyer no matter how much it's going to hurt.
I drank beer. I like beer. I still like beer. ... Do you like beer Senator?
- Justice Brett Kavanaugh
Heres an idea that might help. I know you said your wife is every name you can think of. I have met some women like her if shes using the kid as a cash cow for welfare and stuff she will fight you tooth and nail. But there will come a time that the kid gets on her nerves and wants you to take him. It might help to try and reassure the woman that your not trying to take all her things away. This may sound crazy but offer to pay her a small amount of child support if you get to have the kid most of the time. If she gets custody your gonna have to pay it anyway better to try and reason with her before you have her so spooked that she tries to really screw you.
When you find yourself arguing with an idiot, you might want to rethink who the idiot really is. "It can't rain all the time"-Eric Draven
Being dyslexic is hard work. I don't even try anymore.
I think my wife might not be using crank right now. She's living with responsible people that I trust. The situation this time seems a little different. I still don't trust here, but I am hopefull.
She wants to sign a divorce agreement. At first she was trying to get me to keep the custody the way it is. I told her no way, especially after she concealed Tristan from me, and got the cops to turn a blind eye.
I need to know now what kind of custody to negotiate for, or if I should go to court. What do you guys think. I really don't have money for a lawyer.
I drank beer. I like beer. I still like beer. ... Do you like beer Senator?
- Justice Brett Kavanaugh
My ex and i worked it out to where he has them 3 days and ihave them 3 says and we share the last day him half and me half. Seems to me all this revolves around money for her. You seem to have the kids best intrest in heart so this might work for you to. As long as you dont seem threating to her she will work with you. You might have to play nice for a bit but in the long run you can be saving money and get evidence you need to get sole custody. id go for half and half custody this gives her the idea you are a reasonable person and want to remain civil.
When you find yourself arguing with an idiot, you might want to rethink who the idiot really is. "It can't rain all the time"-Eric Draven
Being dyslexic is hard work. I don't even try anymore.
In texas it is called joint conservative management. One parent has the right to decide the geographical location the child resides and can claim them on the income taxes and the other has the right to see the child half of the time . There is a set schedule decided by the courts but you and the wife can make up your own schedule as long as both of you agree.
When you find yourself arguing with an idiot, you might want to rethink who the idiot really is. "It can't rain all the time"-Eric Draven
Being dyslexic is hard work. I don't even try anymore.
one other idea no one is contesting the divorce you can do it your self. Well that is in texas. The bookstores sell books with all the forms on doing your own divorce the book i bought was how to do your own divorce in texas the only money youhave to pay is for the book and the filing of the papers which ran 164.00 dollars here.
When you find yourself arguing with an idiot, you might want to rethink who the idiot really is. "It can't rain all the time"-Eric Draven
Being dyslexic is hard work. I don't even try anymore.
Originally posted by Kidicious
Ok but what are the terms? Is it called joint custody? Is it physical custody?
I don't know how it works in the US but in Canada there often isn't much magic in the term "joint custody". Depending on the circustances I have seen arrangements with half time with each parent to widely divergent time arrangements styled as "joint custody" .
There are a few things to think about
1. Do you really think your child is in real danger with your wife? I read about the drug use but I am totally ignorant of the effects of this drug and have no idea how serious an addiction she has. If I saw a real danger, I know I would have a totally different approach than if I did not.
2. How much time do you have and how does your schedule differ from your wife's? Pragmatic solutions work best and pretty much everything is considered. Think hard about your schedule and what you think would work best for the child. Even a judge can see when a parent is working hard to try to make arrangements that work best for a child. Consider altering your schedule in ways that make shared parenting arrangements work better. If wifey works Tuesdays then try to make it work so you can fill all parental roles on Tuesdays
3. Decision making-- Bigger than how much time a child spends in either home is the question of who gets to make decisions related to the child. If only one parent has "custody" then it will be that parent . . . IF you two can't agree on anything EVER and look like feuding parents, a judge may reject any form of shared decision making as impractical. here you have a decision to make--- do you try for that decision making power or do you try to share that power. The starting point is shared powers just as you have before the first court order happens
The formal bias toward mothers has been rejected by Canadian courts but instead it has been replaced by a bias toward the "primary caregiver" which in most families is still the mother. ( I suspect the US is the same) If that was the case in your family, you would be starting at a disadvantage but if you have always been an equal caregiver, start thinking about that and the evidence you have of your role in your child's life.
Remember the term "best interests of the child". Everything you do and every argument you come up with should be thought of in that manner.
My foremost piece of advice though is to somehow find a way to get a lawyer. There are too many intricate details in these situations to really assess the situation. For example, I have no idea what type of impression you would make in person and that type of stuff matters a lot. Are you a hothead or can you appear calm and collected? I have seen some posts that lead me to believe you can be a hothead at times but you could have been trolling.
Good luck with it.
You don't get to 300 losses without being a pretty exceptional goaltender.-- Ben Kenobi speaking of Roberto Luongo
Originally posted by Flubber
1. Do you really think your child is in real danger with your wife? I read about the drug use but I am totally ignorant of the effects of this drug and have no idea how serious an addiction she has. If I saw a real danger, I know I would have a totally different approach than if I did not.
Right now she seems ok, but that could change because she had a bad problem with drugs the last time we seperated.
3. Decision making-- Bigger than how much time a child spends in either home is the question of who gets to make decisions related to the child. If only one parent has "custody" then it will be that parent . . . IF you two can't agree on anything EVER and look like feuding parents, a judge may reject any form of shared decision making as impractical. here you have a decision to make--- do you try for that decision making power or do you try to share that power. The starting point is shared powers just as you have before the first court order happens
My wife doesn't make good decisions. When we first got together she had no problem letting me make the decisions. Now she insists on making bad decisions for us. I want to have the ability to make decisions for my son.
The formal bias toward mothers has been rejected by Canadian courts but instead it has been replaced by a bias toward the "primary caregiver" which in most families is still the mother. ( I suspect the US is the same) If that was the case in your family, you would be starting at a disadvantage but if you have always been an equal caregiver, start thinking about that and the evidence you have of your role in your child's life.
She's been at home with him while I go to school and he was living with her in another county just over a year ago. It doesn't seem like I can be the "primary caregiver."
My foremost piece of advice though is to somehow find a way to get a lawyer. There are too many intricate details in these situations to really assess the situation. For example, I have no idea what type of impression you would make in person and that type of stuff matters a lot. Are you a hothead or can you appear calm and collected? I have seen some posts that lead me to believe you can be a hothead at times but you could have been trolling.
Good luck with it.
Sometimes I'm a hothead, but I can be calm when I try.
I drank beer. I like beer. I still like beer. ... Do you like beer Senator?
- Justice Brett Kavanaugh
Remaining calm here is the most important thing you can do at this stage. As pissed as you might be at the woman dont let her push the buttons that set you off. Consider and weigh the times you can have you child with you and decide what days work for you. It might work with you that you have him every night and take him back to his mother before you go to bed. and she has him during the day. at which point you get to see him every day and at the times that you can see him. the days dont have to be set in stone so to speak as long as you try has hard as you can to remain civil even if you want to strangle the woman.
When you find yourself arguing with an idiot, you might want to rethink who the idiot really is. "It can't rain all the time"-Eric Draven
Being dyslexic is hard work. I don't even try anymore.
Originally posted by Kidicious
Sometimes I'm a hothead, but I can be calm when I try.
Then try VERY VERY hard with everything about this. From the bit of family law I saw, the ability to come across as rational and balanced held a lot of weight with the judges. The people that could keep calm even when having a hostile lawyer go for their gonads . . . did very well. Judges put a lot of weight on what they see before them.
Remember . . . best interests of the child .
If you have actual evidence of her bad decisionmaking with respect to your child, I would be documenting that type of stuff.
The bottom line is that you can probably make arrangements that meet both your needs ( if you are ok with your child being with your wife some of the time)-- You have portrayed her as probably being more interested in the financial benefits of having a child. I'd be shocked if there aren't ways that you would have time with your child and decisionmaking powers while essentially giving her most of what she wants.
You don't get to 300 losses without being a pretty exceptional goaltender.-- Ben Kenobi speaking of Roberto Luongo
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