I'm split up with my wife agian.

[chequita guevara]

Go for default judgement and take full custody. She has a proven track record of ****ing up. Don't trust her with your son until she's proven she's gotten her **** together.

[Kidlicious]

Originally posted by shawnmmcc
Kidicious - go for the default judgement. THEN, if she continues on good behavior, let him stay with her alot of the time.

Yeah, this is what I've been thinking.

However, be careful. Very often the better parent is not the more "fun" parent. Setting firm limits with consequences, putting the child to bed on time, making time to read books instead of stare at TV, etc. are often less "fun" but much more important.

She screws with his head. She throws fits in front of him and says all kinds of horrible things to make him upset. She's been telling him since we found out about the defaul judgement option that I'm taking him away from her. She does this so that she can say that he agrees with her.

You can always give her full custody once she proves she can stay clean. Being clean does not equal staying clean. I'm just reading between the lines, but it sounds like she has major problems with impulse control. That means that circumstances, surroundings, social group, and support play a major role in how her life unfolds. She is NOT self-directing.

True.

As a heads up, and I had to do this at age 29. Evaluate why you got together with her. You obviously made a mistake. Why? Do you like party girls, woman who initiate having sex, women who are hot, etc. Before I asked my wife to get married, I carefully watched her interaction with children mutliple times. This time I was going to make sure that the lady I got together with loved kids like I did. She's been a very good mommy for our little girl.

She's very hot, and she plays the victim crap on you to make you think the world has screwed her over and she just needs someone to love her.

I definitely don't trust my ability to pick women. I want to get some counseling for myself too before I get serious about another women.

[:) Smiley]

Originally posted by Kidicious
I definitely don't trust my ability to pick women. I want to get some counseling for myself too before I get serious about another women.

Have all your prospects screened by Pekka.

[chequita guevara]

Originally posted by Smiley
Have all your prospects screened by Pekka.

At least the next GF won't have cold hands.

[Jon Miller]

all girls have cold hands....

JM

[Mr. Harley]

Kidicious, any parent who uses the child as a manupilative tool IS NOT FIT TO BE A PARENT. Period. My wife did adolescent and child intakes at the local mental health consortium for two years. Add into that the vicitim behavior, which if your assessment is accurate - which is devilishly hard to do given your involvement, not impossible, but it makes is sooo hard - the your little boy IS going to learn that your wife's behaviors get you attention/control/what you want/ad naseum. Get him out of there yesterday.

Now you need to assess your own fitness as a parent. First, a child's job is hitting your hot buttons. They will get on your nerves, no matter how "perfect" the little darling is. Accept it, prepare for it, and work from there. You may want to see if your mother will help, but even from that, you must make him one of the primary, if not the primary (some people would argue this second with me - this is personal opinion), factor in your life. That and school, which is going to give you both a better life.

Which means your party life is over. Almost completely. I would recommend healthy after school activities, as many as your time allows. These include simply being with him. Children may complain, especially at first when they have been in a very permissive/fun environment, but that is what they want down deep at least early on.

Talk to him, and find out what he likes. Limit the TV and especially the video games. Are you short on money - cook together. Rice, beans, simple vegetables, and chicken quarters are inexpensive and not that hard to prepare. They are very cheap, and will keep in the fridge. Add soy sauce and a wok - presto, fried rice. Cooking classes can also be a great place to meet ladies.

Learn to read books together - my little girl loves it so much that is now her punishment, not getting to read with daddy . Get him in the boy scouts, in church groups, etc. but just like the mental health professionals, evaluate the leaders. Good luck to all of you.

BTW, I assume you are in your mid-late twenties? There are a fair number of women in their twenties out there who are the custodial parent due to becoming single mothers, divorce, etc. A man taking care of his little boy, with custody, who is good with kids need not have a non-existant love life. It must be discreet (well, it doesn't have to be, but it's a very good idea if you don't want to be a granddaddy in your thirties) but it can be very fulfilling. Good luck on getting past your own hang-ups/vulnerabilities, I started at 29 - and over a decade later I'm stilling working on it.

I need to sign off - my little girl just woke up and mommy is in study group for her comprehensive exams. "Read please". I asked her if she could choose some books while I finished writing a sad man, and she said "yes". She is now on my lap, recognizes what I am typing, and said "Horse" (she love's AH's picture and want's me to bring it up). Nothing is more worthwhile than being a parent.

[Kidlicious]

Good advice Shawn. I'm in my mid thirties. I started late family life late, which was probably a good idea. I don't party anymore really. A lot of the women here at school are too young, but there are some in their late twenties.

[Dinner]

Kid, why are you still screwing around and not secured a lawyer? Basically what I'm hearing is that your son's future isn't important enough to you to bother paying for sound legal advice.

[Kidlicious]

I'm using a free legal service. I'm not sure what the funding is. You have to wait 2 weeks for an appointment, but I don't have money for a lawyer.

[Mrs. Tuberski]

Originally posted by Oerdin
Kid, why are you still screwing around and not secured a lawyer? Basically what I'm hearing is that your son's future isn't important enough to you to bother paying for sound legal advice.

I dont hear that at all. I hear that kid wants what is best for his son is a lot short of cash He also stated the kid is very fond of his mother and wants to see her. There is no need to get nasty with the soon to be ex. The two Parents need to remain as civil as possible. Believe it or not two divorcing people can be civil and remain that way. Me and my ex are very civil, Hell the man calls me more the twice a day to ***** about his new wife. The key here is to find out and make sure the woman is clean and work out agreeable terms in the best inerest of the kid.

[Joseph]

Originally posted by Kidicious
Ok. I got the hair from that disgusting *****. She tried to hug me. After I pushed her away she started in on me. Then she called the guy over that she's ****ing. He looks like he just got out of prison. He acts even more like he just got out of prison. He was trying to start a fight. I just told him that I don't give a **** about him, and that she's cheated on me with some many people that I really don't care anymore. What a ****ing whore she is. Anyway what do I do with the hair. I don't have a lawyer yet.

Sprayber,

I don't know of anyone in my family who would take custody of him, but I really do just want to make sure that he is safe from her.

Do not push her at any time, because if she thinks for a spit second, she calls the cops and you will arrested and any chanch that you might have in getting the boy will be gone forever. In fact when she is around you act like nothing is wrong until you have evidence again her.

[Kidlicious]

Originally posted by Mrs. Tuberski

I dont hear that at all. I hear that kid wants what is best for his son is a lot short of cash He also stated the kid is very fond of his mother and wants to see her. There is no need to get nasty with the soon to be ex. The two Parents need to remain as civil as possible. Believe it or not two divorcing people can be civil and remain that way. Me and my ex are very civil, Hell the man calls me more the twice a day to ***** about his new wife. The key here is to find out and make sure the woman is clean and work out agreeable terms in the best inerest of the kid.

I hope we can get along better divorced. We just have to get off of the blame game for **** that happened in the marriage. It's hard to not play when she starts up.

Joseph,

I have enough control over my anger to not do that. In fact, I never use violence. It never helps.

[Joseph]

Originally posted by Kidicious


I hope we can get along better divorced. We just have to get off of the blame game for **** that happened in the marriage. It's hard to not play when she starts up.

Joseph,

I have enough control over my anger to not do that. In fact, I never use violence. It never helps.

OK. Good luck.

[Kidlicious]

thanx. Everything is going pretty good actually.

[Mrs. Tuberski]

kid If im correct you said you were mid 30's As am I I know that if you keep your cool even at the hardest time remain civil to her she will be willing to work with you, this is all based on the fact that she aint using smack anymore. I forgot how old you said your son was but if hes that attatched to his mom taking him cold turkey could possible do alot more harm then good. Again based on whetehr she is off the ****. Instead of the blame game simple try and tell her look you f***** up and so did I lets move on.