I'm split up with my wife agian.

[Kidlicious]

Maybe I can dig up dirt on her and then use it to get her to sign a divorce agreement with a little money for her. She's pretty stupid.

edit: And Mrs. Tubes, are you sure about her criminal past not being able to be used as evidence. That doesn't seem right. Sure she can say she was just young, but it's still something in my favor.

[Spiffor]

Kid:

From what I read in this thread, you are so furious (and rightly so) that you are on the verge of making something stupid.

1) You seem to underestimate her. Now, you know her and I don't, but in my experience, it never helps to assume that your opponent is stupid.

2) You seem to think that everything you'll raise against her will increase your chances. However, that' not necessarily true: if you insist too much at stirring her ****, the judges may think of you as an angry husband, and they'll end up more sympathetic to her. You should really try hard to calm down before taking any action, and to ponder the consequences when you're level headed (you can be angry at toher times, when you're not pondering or taking action).

3) You seem not to precisely know the legal workings of a divorce and custody. Yet, when people tell you to take a lawyer first, they're absolutely right. If you act radhly (which you'll probably do because you are angry), and even if your action looks like common sense, you may very well end up ruining your case. And there won't be any opportunity to change the messed-up results afterwards, and your child will continue to suffer under her tutelage.

Really, ASK YOUR LAWYER FIRST, and talk to him about your ideas, and listen to him when he tells you what you should and shouldn't do. If you don't use professional advice, you may end up making the biggest mistake of your life. I mean it.

[Kidlicious]

Spiffor,

I don't know if I can afford a lawyer. I will have to have some help from my family, and they haven't pledged that help. So I'm just trying to figure out what I can for now.

[Jon Miller]

if oyu try to do things without a lawyer it is likely they will just get worse...

JM

[Gibsie]

All I can say is, "women"

[Mrs. Tuberski]

[
edit: And Mrs. Tubes, are you sure about her criminal past not being able to be used as evidence. That doesn't seem right. Sure she can say she was just young, but it's still something in my favor. [/QUOTE]
All i can say is in my divorce experience with my ex husband is that he tried to get custody of my children cause he didnt want to pay child support. He told his lawyers that i drank way to much beer and had used drugs at a younger period in my life the lawyer tried to use this and the judge told the lawyer to sit down. He proceeded to state that what i did in the past has nothing to do with the welfare of the children now. I however was not doing drugs any longer and had just put my self thru school. I got custody of my kids. I think my point is the judge will decide if her past actions are irrelevant and with out positive proof she is still doing these activites which is only going to be gotten by some sort of social agency. Is gonna be the deciding factor.

[Mrs. Tuberski]

And as I said before go to the legal aid of your college or one nearby the work cheap sometimes free. cause the graudating lawyers need the experience.

[Kidlicious]

I'm at a disadvantage because I'm a man. I'll definitely need something more than "she used to drink too much." I think I should find out what I can. It could be very bad. It could be something I can use.

[Kidlicious]

Originally posted by Mrs. Tuberski
And as I said before go to the legal aid of your college or one nearby the work cheap sometimes free. cause the graudating lawyers need the experience.

There is no law school here, and I don't think legal aid does divorce. Anyway I'm really going to try to get a good lawyer, not someone inexperienced.

[Mrs. Tuberski]

I would defintly do that. the divorce is only the tip of the iceberg so to speak. child custody is your battle. You have no probelm getting the divorce hell you got her on adultry. The child custody is is a complete different case. My lawyer worked on a payment plan.
One thing i was gonna mention as well is that you investigate her actions and stuff then have a friend or two call the cps and have them report her too. Giving the details and times the witnessed her actions that way and maybe a worker can show up during here pattern times.

[Flubber]

Don't know about your legal aid but legal aid here wouldn't do divorce or "civil matters" but they would help with child protection and child custody matters. It might seem like an artificial distinction but the preceedings can be very separate (depending on the legislation in your jurisdiction)---- I know in Canada, child custody stuff is usually worked out way before the divorce poceeding ( since the most common grounds here are based on a couple being separate and apart for a year)

[Mr. Harley]

Kidicious - calm down - and get the lawyer. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GET CUSTODY WORKING ON YOUR OWN. Period. At least you didn't go into the apartment to get the hair, and hair can be identified as hers usually (there are some weird ins and out and certain hair samples are more expensive to ID, don't worry about that - however, you have no chain of custody, even if you prove it is hers). Get the lawyer FIRST, then proceed with PI, etc. Remember, no matter how mad you are, it's for your little boy. Use that to tell yourself to calm down, that you will do the hardest thing in your life you've ever done, and you will keep it on ICE until the lawyer tells you what to do. Please, for both your and your little boys sake. Most of the advice here has been for thing to run by THE LAWYER, remember there are good, bad, and average lawyers out there. Before you get a lawyer, check their success/loss ratios - it's part of the public record in most cases, unless sealed. You'll spend a fair bit of time at the courthouse, but see who gets men their custody - that is probably a good inidcator if they can do it consistantly. The lawyer will know the buttons of the judge you get if he's good, and will play the adultery card (disgusting, both in lawyers and judges who listen, but this calls for disgusting tactics), the past history card - some judges will pay attention, whatever the LAWYER says. The judge you are assigned is terribly critical, I would consider moving if it could get you a better venue.

[boann]

usually a lawyer will give you a first consultation free.
you can go to a few of those before choosing one.
get to meet them first and see what each would do for you .. also ck on their cost estimates...
its possible you might find one who would do this probono... you have to ask... once in a while lawyers do this as a write off... don't get your hopes up though.. most are scum sucking leaches...
sorry ahead of time to those lawyers in the forum..
i know its not true of everyone..
but my experience with lawyers is not good.
watch your back. and pocket.

[asleepathewheel]

Get a lawyer.

At my previous firm, the going rate for an uncontested divorce was 750 retainer, 2500 for contested with custody issues. And that is on the low end, being in a small midwestern town.

If I were in Cali (or you were in Indiana), I would do it for you for a minimal rate, but alas...

And I have no contacts in California, either.

I would avoid the ultra cheap lawywers/mills for the obvious reasons. And in this situation, I would sadly probably avoid free legal help as well, due to gender issues, requirements of the task.

[Flubber]

Originally posted by boann
most are scum sucking leaches...
sorry ahead of time to those lawyers in the forum..

Originally posted by boann
usually a lawyer will give you a first consultation free.
you can go to a few of those before choosing one.
get to meet them first and see what each would do for you .. also ck on their cost estimates...
its possible you might find one who would do this probono... you have to ask... once in a while lawyers do this as a write off

What write-off ?? I've done pro bono and for most of it there is no benefit to the lawyer at all other than the good feeling you get when you help someone out ( and even thats marginal since so many of such situations have no "good" result. Financially you are only taking a hit. The main exception is when someone does a high-profile freebie for the publicity.

I find it ironic that no matter how many lawyers do pro-bono, we are pretty much all characterized as leaches or whatever. Strange that people don't expect mechanics or plumbers to do pro-bono work . . .