The doctor is IN - the JohnT advice thread.

[Ted Striker]

Well, the thing is, they may have started out with a connection where they already have feelings for each other

I have seen plenty of examples of long distance relationships working.

Maybe it's not about creating something that isn't there, but keeping something going that's already established.

It's more like watering a plant everyday to keep it lush and green rathar than trying to plant a seed that may or may not grow.

[JohnT]

For long? Or "for the duration"?

[Ted Striker]

Both.

I know a few married couples, including family.

[JohnT]

Married is a bit different, as there is a history there. Especially with a family involved as you now have a morass of legal obligations on top of the emotional ones.

Not knowing Lorizeal's situation, I did the best with what I got. However, if this relationship is relatively new... or even if it's an "old" one, with the separation brought about by a change in life (they went to different colleges), the best thing to do is... let it go.

[Ben Kenobi]

Yeah, I agree with JohnT on this one.

It's hard to keep a long distance relationship going, and even if you put the effort in, it can still not work out.

It helps if you are both low maintenance, but you still need to be talking to each other on a regular basis, and keeping in touch with each other's lives.

[Ted Striker]

Originally posted by JohnT
Married is a bit different, as there is a history there. Especially with a family involved as you now have a morass of legal obligations on top of the emotional ones.

Well actually the situations I am thinking of, the couples met, spent some time together, in two cases a very short period of time, where sparks flew, and then they kept the relationship going and eventually got married.

I think sometimes people are too pragmatic to the point where it gets to the point where they look for reasons to talk themselves out of something.

The people I know just kept it going, despite the naysayers.

[JohnT]

Again, this all depends upon the relationship. When I'm thinking of this issue, I'm thinking girlfriend, with no real thought given to a long-term (as in decades) relationship with each other. Lorizeal might be beyond that... maybe the lass has a ring on her finger, I don't know.

But... I don't think that rejecting a long-distance relationship is "talking themselves out of something." It's acceptance of the biological and psychological need to have somebody there, to talk to on the spur of the moment, to touch and be touched at both your heart's desires, to see, to smell, to hear.

A long-distance relationship doesn't fulfill those needs. Now, again, that's OK if the couple has a history behind them and a more-than-reasonable expectation that the long-distance part is going to end. But for a relatively new relationship with a foundation made of air and no thoughts further into the future than what's happening next weekend?

Naw, better to give it up.

[Ted Striker]

I thought you righties were supposed to be optimistic.

[Ben Kenobi]

Once burnt, twice shy.

[JohnT]

Originally posted by Ted Striker
I thought you righties were supposed to be optimistic.

We are. I, for one, am quite positive that I know what it takes to make a long-term relationship work.

[Ted Striker]

And so do I.

It's just a different version from yours.

But I have seen the examples firsthand.

[JohnT]

I have lived mine.

[Ted Striker]

Your personal experience does not dictate others' success.

[JohnT]

No, but it does offer a shining beacon of hope. For if I can do it, anybody can!

Actually, that's not true for I have always been Monogamy Man.

[chequita guevara]

I'm always sleepy. What can I do?