it's the revival of the corrupt wish game (II)

[self biased]

instead, he lays at waist level, and attacks there.

i wish i could get laid by new years by a beautiful, single, drug and disease free woman, who is somewhere between the age of 18 and 28 years on this planet.

[Urban Ranger]

Granted, except that you find your bodily member remains limp.

I wish we had central indoor heating.

[ICBM]

Granted, but the thermostat is set to 70 degrees... Celcius.

I wish my cat would stop clawing at me.

[Shogun Gunner]

Granted. Your cat stops clawing and starts licking.

I wish farts smelled like flowers.

[ICBM]

Granted. Flowers now smell like farts.

I wish everyone worshipped me.

[Shogun Gunner]

Granted. Worshiping includes sacrificing you.

I wish I could control the passage of time.

[Shadowstrike]

Granted. However, doing so requires you to remove your brain from your body and connect it to a time-controlling supercomputer. Unfortunately, Time has yet to upgrade to computers yet, so your brain is attached to a slide rule. You can control the passage of time... just that doing so requires the slide rule to go through your cerebral cortex....

I wish I could fly.

[Az]

You can fly. Unfortunately, you overestimate yourstrength, attempt crossing the atlantic, and drown in middle of the way.

I wish I could draw well. REALLY well.

[mrmitchell]

Granted, you draw so well that people don't believe you, and think you merely photographed the event instead.
(if that doesn't suffice)
Granted, you draw so well that your talent is recognized, and you are kidnapped and forced to draw in a sweatshop for 40 hours a day, 8 days a week
(and more)
until you start causing critical shortages of paper because you're drawing so much. There, plenty of corruption for one wish.

I wish I secretly controlled the world's major powers.

[Q Classic]

you do. however, it's only then you realize that the world's major powers are, in order:
britney
christina
fez
ted striker
the embalmed body of lenin
the massive visage of mao

i wish they had some cough medicine that actually worked.

[duke o' york]

Your cough is cured, but the cough medicine does such a good job, it kills off everything else. Funny that, coming with the personal recommendation of Charlton Heston....

I wish I had remembered which thread this was before just posting in response to the last post.

[Kuciwalker]

Granted. You look at it anyways

I wish for the owners to allow babe threads again.

[ICBM]

Granted. But all the pictures on the new thread look strangely like Saddam Hussein.

I wish Ralph Nader was the President of the United States.

[-Jrabbit]

Granted, he is. So everything his puppet Dubya seems to be screwing up is really Nader's fault.

I wish my barber shop was open today.

[Q Classic]

it is. but the regular barber is out, replaced by those queer eye-type salonists.

i wish coke and beer would flow as freely as water.