it's the revival of the corrupt wish game (II)

[self biased]

granted. Furries become Fluffies, and elect you their leader.

i wish i could get a hold of gia. i'm concerned for her safety.

[Enigma_Nova]

Upon getting a hold of Gia, you accidentally strangle her. Oops!

I WANNA STOP MAJOR CORPORATIONS PROFITING FROM CHRISTMAS!!!

[ICBM]

Granted. The ACLU makes Christmas illegal. THe major corporations then profit from the "holidays."

I wish I had turkey.

[Mercator]

Granted. You become the military ruler of Turkey. Unfortunately, your rule ends prematurely when a coup restores democracy and sends you to prison for life.

I wish I could speak/understand/read/write all languages of the world fluently.

[ICBM]

Granted. But then you mix up Russian and Chechen, and end up in a jail in Siberia.

I wish I could visit Tannu Tuva.

[Q Classic]

you do. but your trip is an absolute nightmare, including but not limited to with missed connections, bad weather, food poisoning, muggings, mistaken identity, torture, botched rescue, and a taped porn session involving inflatable rubber pool toys, stuffed animals, animal suits, whips, chains, leather, flechettes, needles, drugs, nightvision, hot wax, and an ugly german-lithuanian dominatrix who uses you for scheisseporn.

i wish i could lift an 80-lbs pound box with no trouble at all.

[Mr. Harley]

You can. Unfortunately, just like Arnold, you're going to need your heart valves replaced. Those pesky steroids.

I'm not sure if I wish I knew where Tannu Tuva is - or what scheisseporn.

[Mercator]

Granted... You read my signature and find out where Tannu Tuva is.

Unfortunately, you also read the quote in my signature. You realise the truth and you can never love again. You get divorced (or lose your girlfriend, or never get married in the first place) and you die a lonely hermit in a shabby New York apartment, afraid of any human contact.

I wish I would be picked to take part in the next season of Survivor.

[Enigma_Nova]

Granted. On survivor, you die. (!)

I wish this wish gets corrupted

[Shogun Gunner]

Granted. On a parallel universe, your wish is corrupted. However, here in our plane of existence, you wish is fulfilled.

I wish, without any risk to my well being, I could enter the computer and take part in my Civilization games as a great leader.

[Enigma_Nova]

Granted. You never had any well-being to begin with.
(Booya! Usurped!)

I wish the real world were as easy to conquer as Civ III's crappy AI

[Kuciwalker]

Granted. Hitler won.

I wish C3's crappy AI was as difficult to conquer as the real world.

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

Granted. The game now has a running time of 8000 years (and counting), nobody understands the rules, everyone's playing different versions of the game and the odds are that your every bold move will result in your impending real-life death.

I wish I had had more Stilton.

[ICBM]

Granted. Bismark conquers you on the first turn.

I wish Ming would perma-ban me so I would stop wasting so much time here.

edit --oops, crosspost...

[Mr. Harley]

Lazarus. You have more Stilton. You eat so much you develop and severe allergy to it, go into anaphylactic shock, and spent you remaining days in a coma.

CIBM. Ming perma-bans you. You go searching for other forums, and join dozens. You post so much you get fired, have no social life, and end up as a segment on a reality show about the crazed, on-line hermit.

I wish I could get all the good affects of caffeine without the insomnia.