OH MY ****ING GOD, GET THE ****ING VACCINE ALREADY, YOU ****ING ****S
Hi, if you are reading this essay then congratulations, you are still alive. And if you are alive, then you have either gotten the COVID-19 vaccine, or you still have the opportunity to get the vaccine against COVID-19. And holy ****, if you aren’t ****ing vaccinated against COVID-19, then you need to get ****ing vaccinated right now. I mean, what the ****? **** you. Get vaccinated. ****.
The ****ing vaccine will not make you magnetic. Are you ****ing kidding me? It just ****ing won’t. That’s not even a ****ing thing, and that lady who tried to pretend the vaccine made her ****ing magnetic looked like a real ****ing ****wad and a ****ing idiot, so get ****ing vaccinated. Jesus. ****.
The vaccine also doesn’t have a ****ing 5G chip in it. What the **** do you think a ****ing 5G chip is, ****nuts? You think it’s like some invisible nanotechnology they can suspend in a liquid and then just put in your ****ing blood and then it what, exactly? ****ing floats around in your body going on Instagram and telling the government you went to the grocery store? No one ****ing cares where you go, you absolute ****ing ****-barf. **** off with that. ****.
Oh, you’re afraid of ****ing side effects? **** you. You know what has ****ing side effects? ****ing aspirin, ****ing Tylenol. You could be ****ing allergic to pineapple, you ****ing ****wit. Everything has side effects. You’re being a big ****ing baby with a huge diaper full of ****ing diarrhea, complaining about maybe feeling slightly tired for a day or two while your asymptomatic COVID case you get and pass to some innocent ****ing kid could wind up killing them or someone else. **** you, you ****ing selfish ****ing ****-banana, you unredeemable ass-caterpillar, you ****ing ****-knob with two ****s for eyes and a literal poop where your heart should be. You want a two-month-old to wind up on a ****ing ventilator instead of you, a ****ing adult, getting a ****ing sore arm for a day? What are you, a pitcher for the Yankees? A ****ing concert pianist? An arm model? Get the **** out of here! **** you. Get vaccinated. ****. **** you!
You think vaccines don’t ****ing work? Oh, **** off into the trash, you attention-seeking ****worm-faced ****butt. This isn’t even a point worth discussing, you ****-o-rama ****-stival of ignorance. Vaccines got rid of smallpox and polio and all the other disgusting diseases that used to kill off little ****s like you en masse. Your relatives got ****ing vaccinated and let you live, and now here you are signing up to be killed by a ****ing disease against which there is a ninety-nine-percent effective vaccine. You ****ing moron. Go in the ****ing ocean and **** a piranha. ****. **** that. **** you. Get vaccinated.
Oh, you say you have a genuine allergy or medical condition that prevents you from receiving a ****ing vaccine? That’s fine. I’m clearly not talking to you. I ****ing love you. ****.
Look, if you have been forwarded this essay from a friend or loved one, then there are two possibilities. Either you are a normal, regular, sensible ****ing person like me who got ****ing vaccinated at the first possible moment, and this essay channels all your ****ing rage and sadness and is therefore cathartic OR, and I really hope this isn’t the ****ing case, you AREN’T ****ing vaccinated, and someone sent it to you because you ****ing ****ing ****, you need to get ****ing vaccinated. And rather than being ****ing offended that someone is trying yet again to get you to take the ****ing vaccine, you should understand that someone ****ing loves you enough to try one last mother****ing time to get you to take the ****ing vaccine before you **** off to heaven, or hell, or some in-between place that’s just like a ****ing mall or something where everything is free, including and especially the soft pretzels. So, congratulations! There is ONE person remaining in your life who wants to ****ing save you from drowning in your own ****ing lungs, you ****ing ******** ****dick, so for god’s sake, get your ****ing ass out of your chair, go to the ****ing pharmacy, and get a ****ing vaccine, you absolute conscienceless ****ing **** **** ****. Get it. Get the ****ing vaccine. **** you. **** **** ****. ****. **** you. ****!
Hi, if you are reading this essay then congratulations, you are still alive. And if you are alive, then you have either gotten the COVID-19 vaccine, or you still have the opportunity to get the vaccine against COVID-19. And holy ****, if you aren’t ****ing vaccinated against COVID-19, then you need to get ****ing vaccinated right now. I mean, what the ****? **** you. Get vaccinated. ****.
The ****ing vaccine will not make you magnetic. Are you ****ing kidding me? It just ****ing won’t. That’s not even a ****ing thing, and that lady who tried to pretend the vaccine made her ****ing magnetic looked like a real ****ing ****wad and a ****ing idiot, so get ****ing vaccinated. Jesus. ****.
The vaccine also doesn’t have a ****ing 5G chip in it. What the **** do you think a ****ing 5G chip is, ****nuts? You think it’s like some invisible nanotechnology they can suspend in a liquid and then just put in your ****ing blood and then it what, exactly? ****ing floats around in your body going on Instagram and telling the government you went to the grocery store? No one ****ing cares where you go, you absolute ****ing ****-barf. **** off with that. ****.
Oh, you’re afraid of ****ing side effects? **** you. You know what has ****ing side effects? ****ing aspirin, ****ing Tylenol. You could be ****ing allergic to pineapple, you ****ing ****wit. Everything has side effects. You’re being a big ****ing baby with a huge diaper full of ****ing diarrhea, complaining about maybe feeling slightly tired for a day or two while your asymptomatic COVID case you get and pass to some innocent ****ing kid could wind up killing them or someone else. **** you, you ****ing selfish ****ing ****-banana, you unredeemable ass-caterpillar, you ****ing ****-knob with two ****s for eyes and a literal poop where your heart should be. You want a two-month-old to wind up on a ****ing ventilator instead of you, a ****ing adult, getting a ****ing sore arm for a day? What are you, a pitcher for the Yankees? A ****ing concert pianist? An arm model? Get the **** out of here! **** you. Get vaccinated. ****. **** you!
You think vaccines don’t ****ing work? Oh, **** off into the trash, you attention-seeking ****worm-faced ****butt. This isn’t even a point worth discussing, you ****-o-rama ****-stival of ignorance. Vaccines got rid of smallpox and polio and all the other disgusting diseases that used to kill off little ****s like you en masse. Your relatives got ****ing vaccinated and let you live, and now here you are signing up to be killed by a ****ing disease against which there is a ninety-nine-percent effective vaccine. You ****ing moron. Go in the ****ing ocean and **** a piranha. ****. **** that. **** you. Get vaccinated.
Oh, you say you have a genuine allergy or medical condition that prevents you from receiving a ****ing vaccine? That’s fine. I’m clearly not talking to you. I ****ing love you. ****.
Look, if you have been forwarded this essay from a friend or loved one, then there are two possibilities. Either you are a normal, regular, sensible ****ing person like me who got ****ing vaccinated at the first possible moment, and this essay channels all your ****ing rage and sadness and is therefore cathartic OR, and I really hope this isn’t the ****ing case, you AREN’T ****ing vaccinated, and someone sent it to you because you ****ing ****ing ****, you need to get ****ing vaccinated. And rather than being ****ing offended that someone is trying yet again to get you to take the ****ing vaccine, you should understand that someone ****ing loves you enough to try one last mother****ing time to get you to take the ****ing vaccine before you **** off to heaven, or hell, or some in-between place that’s just like a ****ing mall or something where everything is free, including and especially the soft pretzels. So, congratulations! There is ONE person remaining in your life who wants to ****ing save you from drowning in your own ****ing lungs, you ****ing ******** ****dick, so for god’s sake, get your ****ing ass out of your chair, go to the ****ing pharmacy, and get a ****ing vaccine, you absolute conscienceless ****ing **** **** ****. Get it. Get the ****ing vaccine. **** you. **** **** ****. ****. **** you. ****!
Edit: you will need to, um, "fix" the link for it to work. You know what to do.
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