Wish me luck - we're going in

[Pekka]

Out of all the things you have said about this relationship... this pretty much sums it up.
RUN

I am. I am running by not taking contact. I don't think she is a narcissist by the way. I do think she is a bit of a sadist.

I'll take away from this though, I'll take away the good times, the fact that I still decided to trust my instinct, listen to the advices of others and do what's best for myself.

And I realise, again, that it's all visible. So visible. I did my best. At the end of the day I am thankful. She made it so easy by being so rude and cold. I only feel sorry for her, as she probably does a lot of self harm in different ways, partying and whatnot. She has to live with herself for the rest of her life. While I will probably find someone nice. I guess I'll have to lower my expectations a bit. I find that in the very far end of the intelligence spectrum, some seriously troubled people live.It is very enticing, at the same time, the feeling fo care, trust and just common respect means more.

[Ming]

Why should you lower your expectations?
Go for it all... You only live once. Life is what you make of it.

[Pekka]

Why should you lower your expectations?
Go for it all... You only live once. Life is what you make of it.

Lowering is not a good word, changing preferences would be better. As in I should see people for their other qualities as well and not forgive the lack of basic things in order to pursue high intelligence. At the end of the day, if someone really likes and vice versa, it does not matter so much what we're into ourselves. She will accept me for everything anyway and I can have the things in my life I liek already. I can always have and do have intelligent friends. I can still go to hobbies with like minded people. Maybe I will find my relationship from a hobby. Who knows.

I should not be so rigid into what I find appealing.

But I am feeling better all the time. Every single day I feel better. With a difference that I do not feel low during the day. The decision that this is over, makes me not feel ****ty. To not pursue her, to not expect for a message or a call. To be OK with all of that makes me feel really good about myself. Not in the dating game yet, I'll spend time alone, but I won't feel too lonely. This is the problem I had. I felt very lonely, as in painfully lonely. But I was also chronically tired, all these negative things amplified. I sleep good, I have things to do, and I feel quite well and healthy. Even my job is feeling more motivating now.

I simply don't need her for anything. And the relationship has taken more out of me than given, so the trade has been unbalanced. I do have this weird interest in seeing how she reacts, but I will have to refrain from it. My only hope is that she would explain her Mum and Dad that it just did nto work out. Because they were great. I really liked her dad a lot. He yold her he liked me as well so I guess the feelign was mutual. Was looking forward getting to know him better. At the end of the day, it does not make a difference but I hope he does not think badly of me. I treated her daughter with respect and talked crap only on the internet forums but did not reveal the worst stuff or identify her.

[Pekka]

One more red flag, almost every time we had sex, she would talk about her other sex partners afterwards. Sometimes before, never during. I guess she finally realised I am not insecure in that arena so it had absolutely no impact on me what so ever. I found it odd. I was not thinking others, or comparing. In the future, when someone brings it up, and even when I don't feel it as a threat, just odd, run.

[rah]

She made it so easy by being so rude and cold.

Damn, for a second I read it as She made it so easy by being so NUDE and cold. Quite an image.

[Bereta_Eder]

you *think* they are intelligent because they are border line hysteric and can fool you to think they have immense empathy when in fact they are sentimental vampires that feed off of you.

having "caring for, trust, support and mutual respect" IS asking it all and having it all.

the vampires (bless their dry, thirsty heart) come to you because you "call" them to come to you.
once you'll change, they'll become non existent (and you'll be able to spot them from miles away)

[Dinner]

She has other boyfriends she is running around with, she is not emotionally available, and that seems unlikely to change.

That does not mean you kick her to the curb right away but it does mean you start dating other people so you can start the process of finding someone who is emotionally secure and can commit to you. If the current girlfriend miraculously shapes up, gets over her emotional problems, and wants to work things out then great but she needs to see you have other options (don't tell her this let her figure it out on her own). Make plans three days in advance and if she cancels tell her you are sorry she does not value your time. If she calls and wants to arrange something less than three days in advance tell her you have plans and maybe another time but you need three days advanced notice. You seem to always be available for her at the last second but she likes to not keep commitments so turn that game around and make sure you are actively seeking a relationship with a woman who is emotionally available and cares about your time.

Note, even if she claims she will change she probably won't as few people ever make drastic changes. It is time to start looking at other options so she learns you will not wait around forever. Then she either shapes up or you move on.

[Dinner]

The "hey, brain cancer boy" thing I would not have taken seriously and simply fired vack with "hey, snarky, emotionally unavailable, doctor lady" or something to that effect. Turn around is fair play though the danger is you are escalating and my relationships usually go down in flames though one did last almost a decade.

[Bereta_Eder]

Tge "hey, brain cancer boy" thing I would not have taken seriously and simply fired vack with "hey, snarky, emotionally unavailable, doctor lady" or something to that effect.

"Don't worry. You'll get it too"

(for a payed responce. Not that it was ever worth it)

[ricketyclik]

Cut your losses and walk. Make it quick and clean. Maintain your resolve.

[Ben Kenobi]

Good advice Ricketyclik!

[Pekka]

Predictability ensues.

She ignored me for a long time, and suddenly she became interested in my facebook posts by liking them (which she never does). I remain no contact, and she asked me for a drink after work this week.

However, I was quite sure she' dwant to break up with me. Now we're seeing a movie and drinks after. Still, I feel as if it's break up time. We'll see.

Then again, I don't feel good now, again I feel ****ty. I was feeling excellent up to this point. Uh, and I want my whip back if we break up officially.

[dannubis]

Dude, if you are unhappy seeing her, then don't. Explain in a calm manner that this situation is draining your energy and it is not working out for you. SO unless there is a fundamental change in how she is willing to meet your needs, it is over.

[Pekka]

I want closure. Never had it, I need it. Now I am doing this whole on paper thing, as if it's better. I want to be free. And I don't want to do it over the phone or messages. I want to do that face to face. Otherwise the closure is not done. This was one of the biggest things I lacked in my divorce. No closure. As in a discussion. Even when it is going to be over. I respond horribly to vanishing. We were together for almost a year, so I don't think it is a bad thing to go for a drink to do it.

Besides, that will leave me the opportunity to be friends with the friends I made via her. A bit of a saving face for everyone. I am still going to bump into her and her friends. The best outcome is "it just did not work out, we tried". I strongly think this is the way to go. Also, let her explain her side. I'll take it with grain salt, but if she's unstable, it is better that she gets to call it off. If she does not, then it is the perfect time to say how ****ty I feel with the way things are going, and how much better I am doing when I am letting go. ****ty beacuse she is emotionally unavailable, something that is not likely going to change. Either way, and what ever happens, it'll be done in just few days.

[pchang]

Life is very analog. Closure is never as clean and discrete as you imagine it to be. There is always a tailing off.