Still alive

[Aeson]

That's a tough situation. Being with the kids is important, but so is some distance between you if she's going to act like that. Being stuck in the same house with that negativity doesn't seem healthy (for you or the kids).

Is there a way you can get the kids for an extended period of time? Somewhere you have someone there to help out? Like visiting your parents. Maybe she would even appreciate the freedom of you and the kids being off somewhere for a while?

[pchang]

Maybe your wife should just stay over at her sister's by herself for a while.

[Pekka]

Maybe your wife should just stay over at her sister's by herself for a while.

YEah, Agreed.

Got paranoid and weird feeling... at my dad's now. So anyway, she has been keeping telling me that I will die soon while I keep saying I try to live... and so that sucks.

She tells me she thinks the marriage is over anyway. Two years ago I printed a paper that was not to her liking about home tasks, font too small, also, I did not come to her tattoo session to support her (she never asked), me always leaving my trousers on the floor (true), me this and me that, that's the scale of things anyway, but lots of them. So that amounted to marriage being failure and that even if she wasn't leaving me now, the relationship would be over anyway, that is what she said (leads me to believe she has another man...).

Then, the really scary part came: she was on the terrace having a cigarette, and I was goign outside for a phoen call (with crisis support line) and decided I'd go to ask my wife what we're gonna tell my dad in the morning, she said nothing, I said at some pint we have to... back and forth in an easy manner, then suddenly she said to me "you are being aggressive and threatning". I was really WTF. I know what that means so I got scared and said "I am standing still, I am not provoked and I am calm, I am not aggressive in any way". She continued "You've been banging the doors and trampling all over". "I haven't been banging any doors, but I've been going inside and out to talk to a crisis support". "Really? Do you want me to call you an ambulance?"... etc.

THat kind of stuff. I got scared, as in she's gonna knfie me in my sleep scared, and that I'm being overly paranoid but ****'s getting out of hand so I came over to my dads.

[-Jrabbit]

Dude. So sorry, man. I know you love her, but this woman has no compassion for her mate. Heartless and totally self-serving.

Focus on the kids. And yourself.

Love you, Pekka. Stay strong.

[Dinner]

I hope all Finnish women aren't like this because what she is doing is so beyond the pale it is unbelievable. Seriously, she is not worth your time or effort. She's obviously cheating already so find a way to make sure this cheater doesn't get everything you own. Talk to a lawyer, make sure the house isn't in her name, make sure she can't sell it, make sure your kids have a place to live even if she's not responsible.

[Pekka]

She only ownes half of the loan basically, but it's the same thing.

[Pekka]

She also says how she will be OK with the widowers pension. How cool is that, she gets money ad doesn't even bother to hug me for it. Or offer me a hand to hold.

[dannubis]

Pekka. Leave this woman. Now. Kick her out of the house. Sell the house. Do whatever you need to do to get her out of your daily life. It will suck at first but you will always have your kids to focus on. You need to live for them and I am afraid the additional stress she causes will not be beneficial for that.

[Bereta_Eder]

That's one of the most heartless things I've heard.
I agree focus on your kids.
Everyone is scared but caring for another is supposed to overcome that.
This is unbelievable...

[C0ckney]

i think dannubis is right here. the situation will be very tough whatever you do, but if your wife is around, everyday, it will be completely intolerable.

[Ben Kenobi]

See if you can't bribe her (with your father's help) to get out of the house. Offer her cash up front and make it so she's not responsible for her portion of the loan. Then the house will be entirely in your name.

[Pekka]

See if you can't bribe her (with your father's help) to get out of the house. Offer her cash up front and make it so she's not responsible for her portion of the loan. Then the house will be entirely in your name.

Have to see into this for sure.

Things just keep coming up. I was putting the kids to sleep my and I said to them that I love them very much, and my 3 year old daughter said "Mom said she doesn't want to be with you". I was like really? To who? "To me... " So what the ****? It's NOT OK to tell stuff liek taht to 3 year olds and she is now worried, and that "maybe she will be with you just a bit longer" adn that "I love you less now, by yout 34th bd I don't love you anymore..." I asked if mom said anything else and she had said... she said that "She doesn't want to be with you beause you're always angry"... ****ing liar.

[kentonio]

That and the accusation of you being angry with her when you weren't sounds like she's trying to build a narrative to support her leaving you, so she can tell everyone that you were filled with anger and it just wasn't possible to stay with you. Sorry dude, but she's trying to cover her ass, you need to make sure you're telling all this to as many people as possible in real life, to make sure it doesn't stick. Take the fight to her, or by the time you come to defend yourself, it'll be too late.

[dannubis]

Have to see into this for sure.

Things just keep coming up. I was putting the kids to sleep my and I said to them that I love them very much, and my 3 year old daughter said "Mom said she doesn't want to be with you". I was like really? To who? "To me... " So what the ****? It's NOT OK to tell stuff liek taht to 3 year olds and she is now worried, and that "maybe she will be with you just a bit longer" adn that "I love you less now, by yout 34th bd I don't love you anymore..." I asked if mom said anything else and she had said... she said that "She doesn't want to be with you beause you're always angry"... ****ing liar.

Talk to a lawyer. NOW.

Oh, and make sure she can't blame your desease for alledged behavioural changes.

[Pekka]

Talk to a lawyer. NOW.

Oh, and make sure she can't blame your desease for alledged behavioural changes.

Right.

I talked to my cousing about the situation and she was sickened, and suggested I videotape some of these confrontations so when my wife came back yesterday, I had my phoen in my pocket and I said,
"I've got to talk to you, our daugther (3 years of age) told me that "mommy said she is goign to leave daddy".
So my wife looked lke she was just caught with a lie and said
"I never said that. I would never ever say anything like that"
"OK... I was just wondering because she can't now sleep because of it and says "mommy says daddy is always angry (not true)" and looked puzzled and sad. My heart just sank.... I was finished basically, could have died at that moment.
"I would never ever say anything like that!"
And I got it all on my iPhone...

Like... my daughter said it VERY specifically "mom said she is going to leave you because you are always angry, she said so in the dinner table when we were having thos sandwhiches you bought (from subway) when we were at that grocery store".

So she is LYING!!!

I can't believe she is causing these things to our kids It's horrible.... Like even a week ago whne this **** was bad, I still thought "well at least she is a good mother and takes care of the kids". Now I am honestly scared... not sure at all. I figure she has gone off the deep end. I'll try to find a way for some kidn of intervention. She needs to see how out of it she really is.

And she just keeps on lying to me about useless stuff... I don't know what's true anymore and what is not.

The good thing is that I also realised I have another recording about "what are we going to tell my dad".
And yes, she was agitated the whole timei and said to me "you are being aggressive and threatning now" and I sounded like a sleeping monk. SO I got her accusing me and it's obvious it's the other way round.

Tomorrow we're going to her mother's summer cabin. I'm VERY glad about that, we're having 1-on-1 with her. She is great, I really like her a lot. And she is smart and special ed teacher. Like I said, they made a 3 hour trip yesterday night to come here and intervene "Don't make any decisions now", of which my wife had to lie about later on, claiming she had her phone muted and her mom couldn't reach her so she got scared and drove all teh way here to see if everything is OK. Right... so does she call her 5 AM often? (3 hour drive you see), and her sister lives 20 minutes away from us... why not send her instead? Also, if really worried, then my dad is 5 minutes away, and cops about the same. But my dad has keys here, so she'd call him, right?

So, she lied to me. Why would she like about that? And she was very upset that "my mom came here to check on me worried that I'd do something to the kids". It was over dramatizxation of the situation, I KNOW, I trust my kids with her in THAT particular sense fully, but I don't get ti why she has to "cover all the bases" and keep lying to me if it doesn't matter, or if I don't matter anymore.