Still alive

[regexcellent]

Your wife sounds very irresponsible.

Her boyfriend is married already, isn't he?

[regexcellent]

dp

[pchang]

she probably does that too.

[N35t0r]

[N35t0r]

[Pekka]

bf, married with kids!

Let me correct, no longer bf...

So here's the update:

I've given her the proposal for division of assets. In the first draft, she gets nothing. (In the second version, she owes a lot of money so this is a good one to take). She called for a lawyer few days ago!!! And said "no I have not seen a lawyer yet..."... wtf??????

So anyway she'll probably take the deal because it's the best she can get.

On the custody of the kids, I could sweep her with the floor if I wanted to in court. I could take sole custody. But I don't want to take the kids away from her totally. At least not yet. If she shows irresponsible behaviour after given this chance, then sole custody follows.

My wife had a total melt down few days ago, like a real melt down. I was looking closely if I should call an ambulance for her. She did snap out of it and came back to reality, she is desperate and thinks I'm so angry about her cheating on me, that I will take revenge by taking the kids and the house. That makes no sense.

The house is mine already. The kids are not owned. We are both parents and it is our duty to raise them well.

She made a proposal, knowing she would lose in court in the opening statements already... adn I didn't see anything wrong with the proposal. Joint custody, I'm not going into details, but it changes nothing. I can take sole custody in the future if it is needed. She thinks she is covering her ass with it but in reality, she should consult real lawyers first, she would then know it is but a bureaucratic nuance, like changing your own middle name. You still get your butt owned if the other one wants to. I can sue her in an instant, have her come over and overturn the old agreement if I wanted to.

But let's see how it goes. It's obvious she is desperate and might kill herself as a result, and if she is pregnant like I think she is... I just want to wait first.

[Pekka]

bf, married with kids!

Let me correct, no longer bf...

So here's the update:

I've given her the proposal for division of assets. In the first draft, she gets nothing. (In the second version, she owes a lot of money so this is a good one to take). She called for a lawyer few days ago!!! And said "no I have not seen a lawyer yet..."... wtf??????

So anyway she'll probably take the deal because it's the best she can get.

On the custody of the kids, I could sweep her with the floor if I wanted to in court. I could take sole custody. But I don't want to take the kids away from her totally. At least not yet. If she shows irresponsible behaviour after given this chance, then sole custody follows.

My wife had a total melt down few days ago, like a real melt down. I was looking closely if I should call an ambulance for her. She did snap out of it and came back to reality, she is desperate and thinks I'm so angry about her cheating on me, that I will take revenge by taking the kids and the house. That makes no sense.

The house is mine already. The kids are not owned. We are both parents and it is our duty to raise them well.

She made a proposal, knowing she would lose in court in the opening statements already... adn I didn't see anything wrong with the proposal. Joint custody, I'm not going into details, but it changes nothing. I can take sole custody in the future if it is needed. She thinks she is covering her ass with it but in reality, she should consult real lawyers first, she would then know it is but a bureaucratic nuance, like changing your own middle name. You still get your butt owned if the other one wants to. I can sue her in an instant, have her come over and overturn the old agreement if I wanted to. Let me be clear: this proposal helps me take sole custody in the future if needed. She's not the smartest person in the world (she isn't stupid either, she just can't be bothered to do research, consult the actual smart people about it, jsut assume lots of stuff that doesn't really exist in this country, only on movies...)

But let's see how it goes. It's obvious she is desperate and might kill herself as a result, and if she is pregnant like I think she is... I just want to wait first. It's interesting (or rather sad)... first I thought she might blackmail me by suicide, and I already decided I won't budge in. I'll try to talk her out of it, call the ambulance, do my best but that's it. She's grown up and if she really wants to do it, she will.

Then I found out she is likely to be pregnant. Now that soon-to-be-baby is innocent. What a dilemma. I won't have it. I can't push her anymore, I can't pressure her at all. I'll throw her out of here but I can't push her too hard anymore.

OF course it makes sense for her mother to scream at me waht a ****** and horrible person I am, since her daughter only cheated on me IN her work, got herself pregnant WHILE I was in terminal cancer phase. Makes total sense for her to blame me for everything. Thanks mother-in-law. Well, won't be for long. And good luck in the future Thumbs up is all I can do. I'll deal with my wife, I will NOT deal with my mother-in-law, ever.

[Pekka]

In summary, I came out on top. Not on just top, but absolutely crushed my wife. 100-0.

edit: I mean there are only losers in these situations, nobody wins, but she LOST.

[Kidlicious]

That crap about killing herself, don't fall for it. She's not a good mother. I wouldn't feel obligated to her regarding custody. Watch out for that one. She might suprise you.

[Kidlicious]

Do what your lawyer suggests. They have experience. Don't trust your own judgement.

[kittenOFchaos]

Don't trust your own judgement.

Indeed.

Pekka, I have loved reading many of your threads and I am delighted that you are in remission. However, I am disturbed about what a complete train-wreck your marriage has been and the animosity that has arisen.

You chose to marry this woman and it really sounds like you didn't know her at all. If she has developed mental issues as you've alluded to should you be doing more to help her? If she has always been this way, what were the red flags that you missed? You said that that you're looking on dating sites for a new partner...I wouldn't recommend looking for anyone else until you've taken some time to live independently and without drama.

Whatever happens I wish the best for you and your family.

[Pekka]

There really were no red flags. I can look back, maybe few, but at the time I did not see them. Now I do.

I know I have no obligations toward her. Only toward our children. I've been thinking about this REAL hard and with professionals as well. There are so many different ways to go. I figure this si the best way. That is, if anything goes even slightly wrong, the kids will be living here. They'll be with me anyway.

You are not aware of the agreement. It's totally not what you think it is. We have a thing here called "first parent" or preferred parent. I am that. Now, my wife is a parent who "meets the kids". So... and if that turnts out to be difficult, there will be a 3rd party in those meetings and if that does not work out, she can't see the kids. It is still technically a joint custody, that's why I wrote that it's nothing but a bureaucratic nuance and she doesn't even get it.

[Pekka]

Well, my wife is making it easy for me. Again, she is "doing overtime" at work, meaning she is continuing her sex affairs with a co-worker.... I mean come on, but I guess that's her. Just can't help herself. She's out of here in 3 weeks though, so.. that's it for her.

The joke is on her, really. My expenses for this house with utilities are about the same as hers. Except I live in a big new house with everything oyu could hope for (big sauna building, my own little cinema, 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, big yard, huge terrace with glasses all over) I'm thinking of actually getting a hot tub while at it, about to build a nice garage and put my man cave there (we've got optic fiber anyway, so FAST internet), and some nice things for the kids to the yard. SO I got all this luxurious stuff at the same price as she got for her small apartment she rents.

So that'll be on her. I kind of felt bad for her but since she is constantly pulling this crap, I don't care anymore. THis is the price she will pay and I won't feel bad for her anymore. She chose that life over this.

[Pekka]

Well, my wife is making it easy for me. Again, she is "doing overtime" at work, meaning she is continuing her sex affairs with a co-worker.... I mean come on, but I guess that's her. Just can't help herself. She's out of here in 3 weeks though, so.. that's it for her.

The joke is on her, really. My expenses for this house with utilities are about the same as hers. Except I live in a big new house with everything oyu could hope for (big sauna building, my own little cinema, 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, big yard, huge terrace with glasses all over) I'm thinking of actually getting a hot tub while at it, about to build a nice garage and put my man cave there (we've got optic fiber anyway, so FAST internet), and some nice things for the kids to the yard. SO I got all this luxurious stuff at the same price as she got for her small apartment she rents.

So that'll be on her. I kind of felt bad for her but since she is constantly pulling this crap, I don't care anymore. THis is the price she will pay and I won't feel bad for her anymore. She chose that life over this.

[Nikolai]

What happens to your kids if you pass away Pekka? It sounds like her taking over would be a disaster for them. Do you have an option of making a will for where they end up?