Round II - This time I will KILL IT!

[Pekka]

Crisis is definitely an opportunity!!!

I'm not bold....I haven't had any chemo yet.... I did shave my hair for the surgery though. So I have short hair now, it's growing back fast.

If I get chemo (I hope I do), then I'll lose my hair.. I'm more like that breaking bad guy then, without the whole turning into an ******* thing. Amazing series. I'm not afraid of losing hair... I guess for some it is a big deal, like losing an identity. I remember shaving my head for the surgery and looking myself at the mirror and I felt a bit broken. Kind of like this is the mark of this illness, mark of death or something. Now I'm short haired and it's good because if some punks attack me @ grocery store, I can taken them down and after subduing them, I can continue to irritate them with the short hair on their face, it hurts a bit so it'll be annoying. Another opportunity!!!!

Yes, my wife is definitely depressed... I think the first thiing I will do is tka her with me running and gym, and yoga... try to open her up a bit through exercise... and I'll try to plan some fun surprises, like a trip to Paria for the next summer. I have already decided this, I want to go there, it is my wife's favourite place + it's something I wanted to do since I woke up from surgery. I have the money for it, and we can't take them with us so I think we'd rather have that memory than few hundred extra euros. I mean I'll make that few hundrer extra if it comes to that.

In fact I have a new job interview in few weeks. It's a REALLY nice job. by really nice I mean double salary (I already have good salary), and so much more freedom. More responsibility, but it would be over stuff I know very well so I'm OK with that. I need freedom. Not micromanaging.

[pchang]

Fighting depression is hard. Do not be afraid of drugs.

[Uncle Sparky]

Do they have medicinal marijuana in Finland?

[Pekka]

Uncly Sparky, yes but they don't give it to you no matter what. In theory yes, in practice no. I asked about it and they kind of laughed it off. It was borderline bad behavior IMO. I just asked if it helps with cancer, because I've read that there are studies that says it helps especially with brain cancers... even maligntant brain tumors. Reply was "there's no empirical evidence of that" and I said "well I read it from Nature and I think someone published in Science as well, but I'm 100 % sure Nature and it's a fairly tough journal to publish in without evidence...and new england journal of medicine I think has had something about that as well supporting this claim". <- and this was then laughed off with "sure". As if do you want me to send the links? NOtlike I'm making it up.

"We're closely following this ..." which is the same as "we're really not about ot get you guys high b/c that's what you're after".... instead, "I've got chemo and radiation for you, I know the stats are bad but we're not insane saying it's the best thing out there". It's not... it's the only thing and it might have benefits but that doesn't mean there are not other things to try as well. Not replacing, but more ammo for the arsenal.

[dannubis]

Godspeed Pekka !

If anything, your positive attitude might cure you and but it will save your family.

[Az]

Pekka is a ****ing boss.

[Pekka]

**** **** ****... just when I was bouncing back, another meteorite hit me today... I was in for a discussion about the radiation therapy and the doctor said "so.. there's been a change.... I'm sorry, but it has turned more aggressive than we though, it is not gradus III, it is gradus IV". So if brain cancer is death sentence, gradus IV is like listen, you're checking out soon so hurry.

I decided to battle anyway. I think it's good to meet the final boss early on. I don't need to build up for it, I'll just get it on right now. Of course I'm devastated. But what can you do? Desperation is a great equalizier in any fight. So... next week I'm getting radiation + chemo the same time... they say you won't feel a thing, which is of course bunch of BS just like all the diagnoses I've been handed in the last 5 years. It's not their fault that I am ill. But they will be sorry to look at me lke dead meat and having to have me back time and time again, still alive, still getting stronger. They'll be like "so ho DO YOU build muscle the same time???" So many mysteries. Just one more for them to figure out while trying to solve this whole cancer puzzle. **** cancer.

[Lorizael]

**** cancer indeed. Just for you, Pekka, I'm going to write "cancer" on a piece of paper and then take a crap on it. I hope that helps.

[pchang]

Sorry to hear that. Combo therapy is your best bet. Do another trial search and see what else is a possibility.

[Nikolai]

Sorry to hear that Pekka.

[Colon™]

Hit it in the face Pekka.

[Pekka]

Lori, yes that helps! Thanks!

pchang, true... they had a protocol that first do radiation, then chemo... or actually vice versa... because they are not netirely sure if the chemo drug works for me at all... so it would be useless. However, the situation is more dire so we'll just let the guess work fade away and do it anyway. Of course I do what they suggest... plus my own thign, several of which have been hinted here

The way I see it. Cancer declared war and are just running its mouth, "ooh I'm way more aggressive than you think!". Just fighting words... time to punch this sucker out. Of course it's intimidating but all fights are a bit intimidating.

[Pekka]

Doesn't change the facts my friends.. it was Gradus IV all along... they mistakenly thought it was III... while it was IV... so nothing has REALLY changed. Except wrong diagnosis was revealed. I say better for me. Now I know I'm facing final boss. Then I know not to underestimate it...

[rah]

Never underestimate the supercitizen. Our thoughts are with you.

[Pekka]

Thanks rah.... There's always the story of "death sentence" and man has overcome it with sheer determination, luck and strategy. I have all of these, all I need is luck which I cannot control.

It's time to live... not knowing if I wake up in the morning sure helps to appreciate life and things. THe only thing that bothers me is the way, the method of death... it seems kind of brutish. Then again, if I am not immortal, I guess this is a worthy enemy to have. ALso, a worthy enemy to beat!

I guess laugh and love every day.