Hello everybody

[Flubber]

. Many married people come to literally hate each other, and find their lives an absolute misery for being around the other person. Others just grow apart and feel nothing at all for each other. What exactly is gained by those people staying together?

THIS


NOw Ben, I actually have a fair number of ups and downs. My wife and I can displease each other and it doesn't change the fact that we are in this for the long run. But if we grew to actually despise each other, why stay together?

I do think that some people jump to divorce too quickly and easily rather than trying to work on their problems

But Ben---if your chosen after a few years , confessed a prior abortion and also told you that she had grown to hate your hypocritical judgemental bigoted etc etc etc self---- you would want to stay linked to her for the rest of your life-- even if it meant

-- no sex for the rest of your days
-- no children for you--
--she refused to try to work on anything and after a time she began iving with some other guy

What marriage exactly are you maintaining ?

[Ben Kenobi]

Sorry-- I vaguely remember a poster of that name but recall almost nothing about them ( I am often not in here for months and ignore many threads )

So your reference is lost on me

Albert posts lots of threads asking for help with his love life. I'm rather more circumspect. Feel free to speculate, if you want, it doesn't bother me.

[rah]

No, they laid with him without his knowledge.

I guess it's obvious you've never had sex. I'm sure a couple of glasses of wine would allow me to have sex with my daughter without my knowledge.

[Ben Kenobi]

But Ben---if your chosen after a few years , confessed a prior abortion and also told you that she had grown to hate your hypocritical judgemental bigoted etc etc etc self---- you would want to stay linked to her for the rest of your life-- even if it meant

-- no sex for the rest of your days
-- no children for you--
--she refused to try to work on anything and after a time she began iving with some other guy

Interesting. Those are the lists of non-negotiables for me, eh? Well, there's a lot you have to learn about me.

Yes, if I were married to her, I would stay married despite all these things. I do have non-negotiables, but none of mine are here.

[Ben Kenobi]

I guess it's obvious you've never had sex. I'm sure a couple of glasses of wine would allow me to have sex with my daughter without my knowledge.

Well, if that's your experience, who am I to argue? I'm just quoting you what the text says, and the text explicitly says that he was insensible.

[kentonio]

I would stay married despite all these things.

Except you wouldn't, because divorce isn't your choice luckily.

I do have non-negotiables, but none of mine are here.

Do you understand that in modern marriage there are no 'non-negotiables' right?

[Ben Kenobi]

How do you know?

That's a good question.

One, yes I have spoken with friends and family, and discussed these sorts of things. Many people had many different answers. My grandmother whom I love very much had her answer for this question is the same as mine. It's just her and I. All the rest of my family thinks otherwise.

And yes, she has been through this.

What exactly is gained by those people staying together?

As she says - a promise is a promise. She made a promise to herself when she was very young, and she intends to keep it.

[kentonio]

A promise made in youth is worth a lifetime of unhappiness? Makes sense..

[Ben Kenobi]

Do you understand that in modern marriage there are no 'non-negotiables' right?

Why do you think Flubber chose those things? From his understanding of me - he's made a list of things that he believes I value more than anything else. I'm intrigued by some of his choices, where he's hit close to the mark and shown his perceptiveness.

Yes, I do have a few non-negotiables.

[Ben Kenobi]

A promise made in youth is worth a lifetime of unhappiness? Makes sense.

Given what my family has been through in their marriages since - that's caused her more unhappiness than what she's had to bear herself.

[kentonio]

Yes, I do have a few non-negotiables.

Sharing is caring.

[Ben Kenobi]

Sharing is caring.

Most you could probably guess with a little bit of thought.

[kentonio]

You haven't really addressed the question though, how would you remain married to her if she broke your 'non-negotiables'?

[Ben Kenobi]

We'd separate.

[kentonio]

But remain 'married'?