Stripper ettiquette

[Jon Miller]

Finance. Minored in Economics. Graduated magna *** laude.

But you haven't been willing to move to where a good job is...?

JM

[Kuciwalker]

Finance. Minored in Economics. Graduated magna *** laude.

That's just depressing.

[Al B. Sure!]

But you haven't been willing to move to where a good job is...?

JM

I live in Philadelphia so I live in a fairly significant financial area and a lot of companies are headquartered here. Plus, between here, New Jersey, New York, and Delaware, there's a lot going on. I probably live in the area with the most job, especially financial job, opportunities in the world! I have no problem moving if I have a job offer. I mean remember, I'm willing to go anywhere in the military.

Unfortunately, almost no one has been willing to grant me an interview, at least no one that wasn't offering me a job as a cold-caller. Eco-Lab, the pest control/chemical company, was interested in me for a travelling technician/sales job but I don't want to do that.

Vanguard and a small financial firm called Hamilton Lane gave me interviews but neither firm hired me.

For whatever reason, the vast majority of the time, I apply to entry-level positions and promptly get an e-mail that they're not interested. I find it really odd actually. Maybe I needed to apply more but I've been rejected for probably close to 150 positions over the years, although some of those positions have been with the same company.

[Jon Miller]

After 3 years without a job, people will react negatively towards you based on the opinion that lots of other companies found you undesirable.

JM

[Al B. Sure!]

That's just depressing.

Would've been summa *** laude if not for two stupid non-major electives I took (marketing research and some human resources class) that completely destroyed my GPA... stupid professors who take an entire grade point off if you have more than 5 absences! those C's really brought down my GPA to only 3.66.

[Al B. Sure!]

After 3 years without a job, people will react negatively towards you based on the opinion that lots of other companies found you undesirable.

JM

Well isn't that grand?! Yay the job economy!

Hey I wonder if women are the same way! They don't want me because no one else has wanted me in the past! Yay me!

[Jon Miller]

Hey I wonder if women are the same way! They don't want me because no one else has wanted me in the past! Yay me!

If you date the women David Floyd and Heraclitus chase after, yes.

JM

[Al B. Sure!]

Any thoughts on the resume, Jon? The formatting got a little screwed putting up here. I've sometimes applied with and other times without the Marine Corps thing because I'm not sure if it helps or hurts me. At the very least, it explains away gaps in employment.

EDUCATION:
TEMPLE UNIVERSITY, Fox School of Business, Philadelphia, PA
Bachelor of Business Administration, magna *** laude
Major: Finance Minor: Economics
GPA: 3.66, Dean’s List: Fall ’03-Spring ’04, Fall ’05-Fall ’07
2nd Place, Temple University Business Policy Competition, class of 2008
Member, Beta Gamma Sigma Honor Society

OFFICER CANDIDATE SCHOOL, United States Marine Corps
Attended OCC-199 (Oct.-Nov. 2008) and OCC-203 (Jan.-Mar. 2010)
Trained to serve as a company grade officer in the Marine Corps
Physically, mentally, and emotionally tested leadership ability and potential in adverse situations and conditions
Injuries prematurely ended training

EXPERIENCE: Sodexo, Philadelphia, PA August 2006 - December 2009
Supervisor, Sodexo Campus Dining Services at Temple University
• Shift-responsible supervisor at campus food court serving a 30,000 student population and generating annual sales of over $12 million.
• Oversaw 12 concepts, including 3 national brands, ensuring operational compliance with franchisor directives.
• Managed 120 union employees.

Wachovia, Philadelphia, PA March 2008 - October 2008
Lockbox Data Entry Associate
• Batched and processed customers’ payments for Wachovia’s commercial clients.
• Ensured data entry accuracy, payment legitimacy, and fulfillment of client requirements in a deadline production environment.
• Received numerous commendations and bonuses for accuracy and speed.

Checkers Drive-Thru Restaurant December 2004 - November 2007
Manager
• Monitored the floor, reconciled cash deposits, maintained inventory including ordering and counts, recruited, hired, trained and scheduled employees, and maintained sales, payroll, inventory, and human resource records at a quick-serve restaurant with annual sales in excess of $1 million.
• Regularly maintained labor costs lower than 15% of sales through scheduling, hiring, and my direct involvement in food production.
• Managed at four different locations in Philadelphia.

[Jon Miller]

Include the Officer Candidate school with the reasons why you left.

Others would provide better assistance than I.

JM

[David Floyd]

To respond to the OP, this is something I emailed to some friends of mine a while back, because they didn't understand why I hated strip clubs:

I have a confession to make. I can't stand strip clubs. Yes, I know, this seems to be at cross-purposes with what I normally pursue. I mean, I love women, right? And naked women are even better! How could I possibly hate strip clubs, the Super Bowl of carnal pleasures?

Allow me to break this down. If, in the process of this, I manage to dissuade you from going to strip clubs ever again, and if, as a consequence, you never see another naked tit in your life, then consider my job well done. And by the way, **** you - I just proved my first point.

Y'see, strip clubs are only good for losers who can't otherwise see tits in real life. Arguably, looking at tits on the Internet beats going to a strip club, but since that is for different reasons, let's just stipulate that looking at tits = a good thing. However, what kind of loser isn't able to see naked women without paying for it?? I mean, go to a popular bar with a friend or two, preferably having done a little pre-drinking beforehand, and walk up to a girl. If it becomes apparent after 5 minutes you won't be seeing her naked anytime soon, then move on (note to the slow: moving on to one of her friends probably will NOT be effective). Unless you are a complete douche, ugly, and possessing no ability to interact with anyone, much less women, then I promise you, you will see naked women.

There are so many misconceptions surrounding strip clubs and strippers that I felt the need to put together my Stripper Survival FAQ:

Q: But David, how can you be against seeing naked women??
A: See above, dumbass.

Q: But David, strippers will dance all over you! And you get to feel them up!
A: See above, dumbass. Additionally, it's not as if they are dancing for free - they are dancing for money! And that brings up one of my major points, the economics of strip clubs. This topic bears a quick break from my Stripper Survival FAQ, in order to cover the vital topic of Stripper Economics.

To get into a strip club, it will cost you between $5-$10. At that point, you will receive the privilege of ordering $6 beers and $10 shots and mixed drinks - and those are the domestics and wells! God forbid you want a real drink, because at this point, you probably can't afford it and in fact have to save every penny in order to correct the anal bleeding from the ass-****ing you are getting from some self-important strip club manager, dressed in a cheap-yet-expensive-looking suit.

Yeah, you get to look at naked chicks, "for free", as long as you stay. The problem is, you will put up with a constant stream of whore-ramble, from strippers who walk by and ask you if you want blue-balls. Oops, I mean a dance. Should you accept, this dreg of society will proceed to wiggle in your lap, and perhaps let you feel her tits, for the paltry sum of $20 USD. Of course, if you go "too far", she will get offended, as if it's OK for her to spend your $20 USD on cocaine but it isn't OK for you to pinch her nipples and call her a whore. Who knew? Moving along, if you happen to particularly click with said stripper (and for the perils of this, see below), she might invite you somewhere for a raging case of herpes, or, as they call it in The Biz, a private dance. Depending on the club, you will get to do anything, ranging from slapping her tits around to straight-up, full-on ****ing, for the small price of around $200, although this can vary up or down, depending upon your looks, negotiating skills, and overall doucebaggery.

I mentioned the perils of actually talking to strippers. This, indeed, is one of the worst parts about going to a strip club. In fact, to adequately address this point, it's time to move back to the FAQ.

Q: But David, you don't have to pay for a dance! You can just watch the strippers and sit there and talk to them!
A: Hey dip****, the smartest thing to ever come out of a stripper's mouth was a donkey's **** in Mexico. Talk to a stripper? What the ****? What're you going to talk about? Are you going to compare and contrast cocaine dealers? Are you going to listen to her ***** about her "landlord" (pimp), threatening to kick her out of her "apartment" (whorehouse)?

Q: But David, not all strippers are like that! Some of them don't do coke or whore themselves out! Some of them are just trying to make a living, maybe put themselves through school!
A: MWHAHHAHAAHAHAHA Shut the **** UP! The stripper who doesn't do coke and is going to school on a more than theoretical basis is about as real as the Easter Bunny - in other words, she doesn't ****ing exist. If you want to get lied to, by all means, talk to strippers.

Q: But David, you're right, but sometimes these whores are easy to sleep with and you don't even have to pay them!
A: Yep, that's true. The same is true of most women you are likely to meet in a bar, but the difference is, women you meet in a bar are much less likely to have a)Sexually Transmitted Diseases, b)cocaine habits, c)****ed up childhoods resulting from Uncle Tommy buggering them, and d)black ex-con ex-boyfriends who have nothing to lose, if they catch you and kick the **** out of you.

Q: But David, that isn't true of ALL strippers!
A: OK, I sorta agree. Except that even if none of the other things are true, strippers are emotionally ****ed, otherwise they wouldn't be stripping. If you want to sort out that train wreck in the morning, be my guest. I did it once, and I'm not at all interested in a repeat performance.

Q: But David, I just have fun at strip clubs!
A: Good point, rich douchebag. If you have so much money you don't care about blowing hundreds of dollars on drinks and women who either hate you or don't even know where they are, and who are more likely to give you syphilis than the average urinal in a bisexual bar in the Netherlands, and you are so insecure you would rather throw your money at strippers than spend a fraction of your money getting laid at a bar, with a woman who, while probably still classless, is at least free of STDs and doesn't have a history of familial sexual abuse, then be my guest. Dumbass. This does lead me to my final point, though.

The final point is, the economics of strip clubs just plain suck. I have alluded to this several times, however, it bears repeating. $10 to get into the club, plus an average of $7 per drink, $20 per dance, $1 per table dance, $6 per ATM fee, and your dignity ends up totaling somewhere in the neighborhood of an average strip club visit expense in excess of $724. In return, you get as drunk as you can afford, along with anything ranging from a bad case of blue balls to a bad case of AIDs in the event you end up ****ing a stripper, as well as a never-ending stream of whore-ramble in your general direction. Contrast this with an average night in downtown Austin: $0 to get into the bar, an average of $2.50 per drink, $0 to watch scantily clad women rub up against each other on the dance floor, $3 per ATM fee, $0 to cleverly propose drunk sex to the first girl who strikes your fancy + an extra $2.50 per drink per girl who seems into this, for a total average downtown cost of somewhere in the neighborhood of $22.50. In return, you get in the worst case approximately the same amount of fun, combined with the possibility of drunk sex with a relatively STD-free pool of women, as well as being allowed to keep the vast majority of your dignity, which otherwise would be sitting in the cash register of your local strip club.

Strip clubs are the blackjack of the bar scene - everyone thinks it's fun, but in the end, everyone loses. Don't believe me? Then I propose the following challenge. We each take no more than $25 out with us. On the first night, we can go to a strip club, and see how much fun we have, and whether or not you get laid. On the second night, we can go downtown, see how much fun we have, and whether or not I get laid. If you want to take me up on this challenge, by all means, email me on this.

[DRoseDARs]

In other news, Penthouse Reno is hiring ahead of its opening in September. "They are hiring more than 200 full-time positions. Not just dancers, but bartenders, kitchen staff and bookkeepers." They're located at the former Goldfinger's (stop laughing) on Telegraph St. near the Reno-Tahoe International landing strip (I said stop laughing!).

[SlowwHand]

What you should really do in your case, Asher, is run down to the stage and scream, "Baaaaaby! I've been having you on my mind!".
I don't think any of the girls will be bothering you after that.

[KrazyHorse]

Well isn't that grand?! Yay the job economy!

Hey I wonder if women are the same way! They don't want me because no one else has wanted me in the past! Yay me!

Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Your are ****ing up your future RIGHT ****ING NOW.

How many ****ing times do I have to tell you that sitting around on your ass for months, waiting to try something you've already failed at twice IS NOT A VALUABLE USE OF YOUR TIME?

You are 25 years old, Albert. You have a bachelor's degree in a mediocre subject from a third-tier university. You have no relevant work experience, and are three years stale.

Which of these facts are not your fault (hint: none of them)? Which can you attempt to correct? Which is getting worse BY THE DAY until you do correct it?

[Wiglaf]

EDUCATION:
Bachelor of Business Administration, magna *** laude

[SlowwHand]

Which of these facts are not your fault (hint: none of them)? Which can you attempt to correct? Which is getting worse BY THE DAY until you do correct it?

The getting older part? That's kind of harsh.