My problem with porn (need some advice)

[yin26]

Originally posted by Jon Miller


I was responding to this.

Jon Miller

Missed the point here, too. I'm talking about a woman's nagging ruining something that's perfectly fine.

[yin26]

Originally posted by Jon Miller


Yin is a cockmunch - FACT

Jon Miller

Once you understand my posts, let's talk.

[Jon Miller]

And if you keep doing it when you know it bothers her, then it isn't perfectly fine.

Now I agree, sometimes things need to be discussed, and perhaps the other person brought to your point of view. But if the pull of fantasy sex is so much stronger than the pull of your SO, then something is wrong.

I also think that some fantasy is fairly natural, but I wouldn't engage in it if it hurt the person I loved.

Jon Miller

[Jon Miller]

And you getting all egotistical and acting like you are special is why I called you a cockmunch (also that you assumed I did not understand what you meant, I am very familiar with your attitude).

Jon Miller

[Lorizael]

But blue balls hurts too.

[yin26]

You didn't understand what I mean...and I *am* special. Sorry that hurts you.

[Jon Miller]

I did understand what you mean. Nothing you have said further has disrupted that notion.

And you are 'special', that is different.

Jon Miller

[Lorizael]

Boys, settle down and help the nice lady.

[yin26]

Naw, you missed my point completely and now don't want to look stupid. That's cool, though.

[Jon Miller]

No. You say that fantasy and reality are different. OK, cool, but if she doesn't like your fantasy.. you are wrong in putting that fantasy over her.

Which you said when you said, "woman ruin the fantasy". You are saying that it doesn't effect you, that you hold them apart and seperate and one doesn't effect the other. I am saying that once she expresses her dislike of the fantasy, that the fantasy is effecting the reality. And should be dealt with appropriately.

Women (reality) are things, they are seperate people who can Act on their own.

And your ego is grating.

Jon Miller

[yin26]

Who said anything about not handling the issue appropriately? It's a process for both sides. Seems like we agree on that, right? Your looking for disagreements that don't exist (and your lack of a sense of humor) is grating. My "ego" is just an instrument to grate on you once you become annoying. So, let's return to the civil discussion:

I do maintain, however, that many men have a real problem keeping the categories separate and then dealing with any resulting friction appropriately. I have succeeded on both counts by design and effort. My marriage is great for it (this also coming from my wife's statement on the issues as well). So, maybe I'm nothing special in this regard, but my experience looking at my friends (and just looking around in general) suggests that an awful lot of people can't (or don't know how to) get it right.

[shellym]

Wow you guys really went for it didnt you!

OK well to update you all, we had another night of not talking and sleeping seperatly

This morning however he wanted to talk, he has basically said that he doesnt know why he wants to look at it so bad, he also knows that he cannot control himself when he does, his intention can be to just check summat on the computer and he will end up looking at porn, without even intending to. He also knows that the longer he looks (days weeks months) the worse he gets. I dont want to lable his with an addiction, i think that is a cope out! But i know he has issues.

To address some comments made:

Masterbation: he doesnt do it

Sex: In my opinion not enough (twice a week)

Fantasies: We both have them and have no problems acting on them.

Porn: He is not looking at it for a thrill

I am not sure if the porn and the lack of sex drive are related??? Any ideas

I dont want to stop him from looking completly, he is a man and i know men do this, but i also cannot put up with some of the stuff he has looked at in the past (animals and stuff), the reason he gave me for looking at more and more preverse things was that he was looking for something else to give him a rise (he wasnt with the normal things) what i want to do is to share in it with him (we are married if that makes any difference) but if i do that will i make matters worse by tempting him, or will it help have the edge off????

Thaks again
Michelle

[Jon Miller]

Eh, certainly sounds like addiction to me. Especally the fact that he (mostly?) doesn't get a thrill from it.

I would suggest to him seeing a counselor or something. Or deal with it as an addiction.

Jon Miller

[shellym]

Sorry for spelling and wrong words... do the best you can!

[Lorizael]

Actually, I agree, this does sound reather unhealthy. And I'm on the pro pr0n side.