My problem with porn (need some advice)

[KrazyHorse]

To be honest, in a relationship (after the first two weeks), twice a week is not bad, most don't get there.

Errrr....no

For the last 3 years I've seen my girlfriend for ~4 days a month and yet we've averaged more than that over those 3 years and also in the 3 years before that (when we were not long distance)

[shellym]

I know sometimes it must be over whelming for him, its (i believe) uncommon for a female to want more than the guy, but i cant even pretend like i dont want it. And i honestly thought he would like the fact i want him that bad.

[KrazyHorse]

its (i believe) uncommon for a female to want more than the guy

Not that uncommon.

And i honestly thought he would like the fact i want him that bad.

He should. I love knowing that a girl wants me sexually.

[yin26]

FYI, my wife and I don't have sex more than twice a week unless we really work at it (and I think many couples with kids are in the same boat). Heck, twice a month isn't too uncommon. In this case, it's my wife whose libido is to "blame." Her take is that a) she's tired at the end of the day --which is fair with two kids b) she feels the kids could wake up at any moment --which is rather paranoid, but our house could use more security, like locks on the bedroom doors and c) she just simply doesn't need much sex and never has (so she says).

She *will*, however, have sex with me any time I want, so she clearly makes the effort for me. My problem is I don't want a servant but a partner. So on my end, I've starting doing things to make her less tired (like take her to dinner more so she cooks less), I've gone ahead with a major renovation of the house to give us more living space and more privacy with the kids, and I've worked hard to understand her views on sex (which, it turns out, are wrapped up with some bad understanding of Christianity).

So I think you can see that sex is a matter that must be tackled holistically. The frequency/quality of sex in our relationship is often the symptom but not the disease.

[yin26]

By the way, the quickest way for my wife to get me interested no matter how tired I am is simply to start fooling around with me in the appropriate place. Something about a woman taking charge really turns me on. Of course, I try to return the favor on other occasions, but are you perhaps not being aggressive enough? Nothing turns me off faster than a passive woman in bed.

[KrazyHorse]

Yeah. Don't ask. Just start doing somethin' dirty.

[shellym]

Absolutly!!!! totally agree, how easy was it to get this out of your wife? was it the first thing that you jumped to, or did it take time to sort through all the other possibilities. We have been through numerous, medical promblems (guy stuff), the issues with porn etc etc. I am very happy with the relationship, if it were perfect what would i have to moan about, however, if i had the choice, i would choose something else to have problems with as with the lack of sex drive makes me feel likes its my fault, that its me he doesnt want, like or that he is comparing me to the pictures he sees on here! i mean i cant live up to that-i dont have a lighting technition in the cupboard!

[shellym]

i do understand that, but when you have been turned down so many times before it knocks your self esteem! You dont really want to put yourself on the line to be knocked off.

[yin26]

Well, my wife and I are about to celebrate 10 years together, and it's only been in the past two or three years that we've settled into a really good rhythm (and that's with pretty consistent work throughout). I didn't know you'd been rejected many times, and that's too bad. Let me ask if I may, and feel free to decline to answer: But is he just rejecting your verbal advances (which I sometimes reject from my wife, too) or is he rejecting your physical advances (which I *never* reject)?

[shellym]

Both!

[Dinner]

Shelly, why are you so insecure? Seriously, if the guy beats his meat now and then it doesn't really effect you yet you're getting jealous and feeling inadaquet? Why would you want the burden of having to provide him with every orgasim for the rest of his life? If you're both feeling in the mood then have fun but if he is in the mood and you're not around or not in the mood then let him jerk off and realize he is not going to leave you for his right hand.

[shellym]

I dont mean to be rude, but have you read all of the posts? I have not said anything about not wanting him to jerk off! I am insecure but not for the reasons you are talking about.

[yin26]

If your guy is ignoring your verbal and physical advances to this degree, there are issues. One positive note you wrote is that he's limiting his exposure to the computer? That's good news as it shows willingness on his part to work on the issue. If he keeps to his plan, and if you keep up your advances, one hopes things will get better. If not, please do consider some outside help. Sometimes having a neutral party asking you both questions and giving you tasks and thoughts to consider can be a real help.

[Dinner]

Having now read all of the posts I am confident your man isn't telling you the truth and that he does in deed jerk it.

[alva]

Originally posted by KrazyHorse

To be honest, in a relationship (after the first two weeks), twice a week is not bad, most don't get there.

Errrr....no

For the last 3 years I've seen my girlfriend for ~4 days a month and yet we've averaged more than that over those 3 years and also in the 3 years before that (when we were not long distance)

C'mon man, that's not a representative relationship. I've been there as well (ex was an airhostess). It's quite different when living together where the bad things also get noticed (much more so then when you only see each other sporadically, no time to argue, no time to get irritated sort of thing. )