My problem with porn (need some advice)

[yin26]

Well, you can see my answer to the OP. Hopefully they'll work it through. Life isn't one size fits all, and nobody should get the idea that I force my wife to like things. Actuallly, I look at porn very briefly and only when all other duties are done for the day (including time with the wife). Days can go by when I don't even care to look at the stuff, and when I'm away on business let's say without Internet, etc., I don't miss it. What the OP describes, of course, is way further along, and I agree he needs / they need help between each other and possibly with a professional.

[shellym]

To tell you the truth I am very suprised, i have been as honest with what is going on in my life how the porn situation has gotten out of control, i did nt expect the responce i have received, now i wish i has posted this message on other site too, i wonder if the guys on here are a fair representation of society? I was not expecting to have you agree with my point of view, but who knows if my SO had put his side across you might change your mind, but i do still think i have given you nothing but facts, you already know how it is to be a guy and look at porn so i dotn need to tell you that.


ummmm i wonder.

Well we havent mentioned it again, and he hasnt been near he computer (he said he cannot come near it without wanting to look) but i guess now i have reached a point where no-one else can help us, maybe ill find a porn adict site?

You have been a wealth of knowledge and understanding, maybe next time we have an issue i will be back for your insights.

[alva]

i wonder if the guys on here are a fair representation of society?

Joking aside, I would think so, yes.

The one thing that sets this site apart from most other sites IMO, is that everyone's intelligence here, is at least above average( bold statement, I know).

[Sikander]

Originally posted by yin26
...
By the way, I also understand that a huge majority of the people in porn (especially women, it seems) come from some pretty dodgy backgrounds of family/sexual abuse, etc. Even if porn is a "victimless" crime, it does have a lot victims in staring roles.....

I tend to have a staring role in pornography, I wonder if I was sexually abused?

[alva]

You don't remember me?

[yin26]

Originally posted by Sikander


I tend to have a staring role in pornography, I wonder if I was sexually abused?

LOL! Nice catch. Freud makes an appearance...

[Lorizael]

Originally posted by shellym
You have been a wealth of knowledge and understanding, maybe next time we have an issue i will be back for your insights.

We caught another one!

[Veritass]

A few random thoughts...

I happen to be a fan of viewing porn. Like all vices, if it is done is moderation it can be fun.

If he says he watches and doesn't masturbate, he is lying.

Porn is to men what romance novels are to women. Men want more of the down-and-dirty, and women want more of the romance. The two genres were created for this.

Today's porn has moved too much to the down-and-dirty for my taste. I do like a little sexual tension (will they or won't they?) before the clothes come off. Too much of today's porn is cheap, straight-to-video with no dialog. "Pizza delivery." "Do me?" "OK." Clothes come off.

Watching porn is not an addiction, and if he says it is "out of his control" then he is just trying to deny reponsibility for his own choice regarding this.

A big red flag went up for me in the OP when the poster said that she doesn't get enough sex. Do you tell him this? NOTHING is more of a turn-off for a guy than to believe he doesn't sexually satisfy his woman. He may be avoiding "the real thing" because you won't be satisfied anyway. I have been in this type of downward spiral in a past relationship.

[Jon Miller]

Anything can be an addiction, that shows that you don't really know what an addiction is.

Jon Miller

[Lorizael]

For example, I'm addicted to Apolyton. I'm at work right now and should be taking these sheets up to my supervisor so that she can okay the changes I want to make on them.

Instead, after every single sheet that I revise, I load up the OTF one more time to check to see if there are any new posts, read a few threads I've already read despite there being no new posts, refresh the main forum page again just to make sure, and then go do one more sheet.

Apolyton's Off Topic contains no caffeine, no heroin and no cocaine, but that doesn't mean it's not addictive.

[alva]

A big red flag went up for me in the OP when the poster said that she doesn't get enough sex. Do you tell him this?

To be honest, in a relationship (after the first two weeks), twice a week is not bad, most don't get there.
Most lies are either about money or sex, don't believe everything you read.

Too much of today's porn is cheap, straight-to-video with no dialog. "Pizza delivery." "Do me?" "OK." Clothes come off.

Ah, you watch the soft genre then.
True though, as John(?) said earlier, todays porn isn't really fun anymore, the gagging, bukkake and whatnot...
It's more a question of what can be done and how far we can take than it has to do with arousing (heck, even just being jerk material).

[shellym]

'Do you tell him this? NOTHING is more of a turn-off for a guy than to believe he doesn't sexually satisfy his woman. He may be avoiding "the real thing" because you won't be satisfied anyway.'

So i should by your standards shut up and be happy with what i got?

I try to communicate the way i feel i dont out right say 'im not satisfied'

I wish i was jerking off, it would make more sence to me if he were, it would give it a point, but he is not and i know that.

And twice a week is good???? we have been together phsyically for 18mths, married 2mths, known each other without having sex for 3yrs, after 18mths of doing it, twice is good?

[alva]

Depends I guess. If you're talking two times five minutes a week, then I guess not. (that's where mastubating comes in).

[shellym]

But i prefer reality, not fiction

[Jon Miller]

I would certainly hope for sex more than twice a week after 18 months..

Jon Miller
(and shellym, your hormones will just be going up, I think this is something you should address, also, he should try and be understanding of your needs)