My problem with porn (need some advice)

[Lorizael]

From what I can tell of this article, porn only negatively affects stupid people.

The silly little images of naked people I see online to make my wee wee happy do not affect the rest of my life.

[Garth Vader]

Originally posted by Sikander
I agree with Dis, Jon Miller and KrazyHorse in that I think you are right to be troubled by his behavior. He does seem to have an addiction (the definition of addiction is persistence in a behavior despite consequences that the addict wouldn't accept of his own free will), and the consequences minimally are that he's weirding you out and perhaps wearing himself out while not satisfying you. Skulking about in a not too successful attempt to do his thing in secret sounds miserable too.

Based on what I've heard from you so far, there are several possibilities. One, he has an addiction to masturbation. This is pretty common, and it behaves in many ways like a drug addiction, ie when stressed the addict will feel more pressure to masturbate. One downside of this is that addicts typically develop this addiction before they begin to experience sex with another human being, and they tend to develop sexual habits that are designed to deliver a massive hit of endorophins more or less as rapidly as possible. This confusion between drugs and sex and the bad habits it tends to confer can be a real problem in a relationship, not least because people often find it's hard to seperate the sexual issues from the addiction issues.

If you take him completely at his word (ie he's not masturbating) then he seems to have a compulsion to collect pornography. I'm not sure how healthy this is to be honest, but it does come with some serious downsides, again mainly that he is creeping you out. Most women would be creeped out, and few would see it as a positive.
My advice is to get into counseling with him. Whether or not his porn activities are harmful, neither he nor you seem to be completely happy here. Take a chance on improving your relationship and life together.

Quoted for agreement.

If a guy is single or a long distance from a SO, porn is normal. If he has the real thing right there and he prefers to sneak around and watch porn there is a problem.

[yin26]

Well, let's be clear: There is sex with a woman and self-gratifying "sex" with a fantasy. Both have a place. The problem is many men let the fantasy ruin the woman...or the woman ruin the fantasy.

[Jon Miller]

I disagree. Anytime you are putting fantasy up with reality, especially if it is suppose to be the love of your life, something is wrong.

Jon Miller

[alva]

Notice how the reason for divorce has increased because of internet porn. Also of note is how the younger college crowd of women are more accepting of porn.

Yes, I'm absolutely sure, the main problem was porn, without it, their life would have a fairy tale.

[alva]

Why would you masturbate when you have the real thing?

So each time, you are in the mood but she isn't, you grab here by her hair, push her back into your cave and do her?
Mister Romantic!!!!

[yin26]

Originally posted by Jon Miller
I disagree. Anytime you are putting fantasy up with reality, especially if it is suppose to be the love of your life, something is wrong.

Jon Miller

You missed the point completely. The fanstasy is not put up against reality. It's its own thing. Perhaps I'm just one of those rare men who can keep the various categories clear.

EDIT: I think this akin to going to a prestine island for a vacation. You enjoy it while you're there (and you know it's all a tourist setup anyway, if you have a brain), but to bring that image back to your life and somehow feel cheated is clearly a weakness. Those kinds of people should not take those kinds of vacations.

[General Ludd]

It's possible to masturbate without porn.

[Lorizael]

Guys, I think we scared her off.

[alva]

Nothing new there then.

[alva]

You missed the point completely. The fanstasy is not put up against reality. It's its own thing. Perhaps I'm just one of those rare men who can keep the various categories clear.

You know, there is an age thing about this, I think. Watching too much (really unrealistic ) porn at a young age could be a bad thing ( though I doubt it affected me in any way ).

[Jon Miller]

Originally posted by yin26
.or the woman ruin the fantasy.

I was responding to this.

Jon Miller

[Winston]

Originally posted by Lorizael
Guys, I think we scared her off.

The very first reply should've been by an automated script stating, "Please, don't get them started.."

[Jon Miller]

Originally posted by yin26

You missed the point completely. The fanstasy is not put up against reality. It's its own thing. Perhaps I'm just one of those rare men who can keep the various categories clear.

EDIT: I think this akin to going to a prestine island for a vacation. You enjoy it while you're there (and you know it's all a tourist setup anyway, if you have a brain), but to bring that image back to your life and somehow feel cheated is clearly a weakness. Those kinds of people should not take those kinds of vacations.

Yin is a cockmunch - FACT

Jon Miller

[Lorizael]

To be fair, my reply to the OP was the first non spam post.