LTEC!'s relationship advise corner now open.

[Dinner]

Obwain: See if you're friend wouldn't mind going to an Anglican service with you. Anglicans are very close to Catholics on most issues and the service is very much like a Catholic service so you might be more comfortable then in a more liberal Protestant church.

In the long run one or both of you will have to give in on this issue or you'll have to find a new prospective mate. I think it would be most fair if both of you agree to attend a new church together instead of one person giving up everything and the other nothing though that is your call to make.

[JohnT]

Originally posted by loinburger


I'd have no problem converting or whatever so long as her religion isn't hateful or excessively kooky (neither being a problem in this case AFAIK), but she's gotta understand that I'd be converting in word alone (and that might be a big hairy problem for her). It would be great if she were just as apathetic as I am about the whole business, but I don't see a way to broach the subject without seeming too forward or whatever. I'm concerned that she's operating on the assumption that I belong to one of the milder Christian denominations (since I've never said anything to the contrary, and that seems to be the default assumption that most people make in the absence of evidence to the contrary), and would be upset were she to learn otherwise. Or maybe she wouldn't care. Or maybe she's already guessed otherwise. Who knows. :shrugs:

I don't know if this has been answered or not, but I'll give it a whack.

Tell her. Don't let her assume, just tell her. She's an adult, you're an adult - stop playing kid games.

[loinburger]

Yeah, I know, I always feel like I'm back in Junior High when I start thinking too much about this crap. "Should I say this? Or maybe that? But what if she thinks this?" If anybody asked me I'd probably say "Who ****ing cares?", but I never think of asking myself.

[Ben Kenobi]

Apoc:

The person would have to go through the sacrament of comfirmation at a later date, which is when the person makes their own decision to be Catholic.

For adults, both procedures are done together- Confirmation with Baptism.

For children, the two are split. Your reasoning requires me to discard the concept of baptism only for believers.
That's what I will have to work around to join.

Make a desicion you will not have regrets about later.

LTEC!

You are right that I cannot go to the blame game- it will be my decision, and whatever happens, I will be the one responsible for my own happiness. Not her.

The gist of it would be then how much does bending the rules you worked so hard to believe mean to you?

We'll see. We are both meeting with her priest in a few days, to go over some points we have been discussing. We will likely go over arguments for Mary, etc.

Oerdin:

Obwain: See if you're friend wouldn't mind going to an Anglican service with you. Anglicans are very close to Catholics on most issues and the service is very much like a Catholic service so you might be more comfortable then in a more liberal Protestant church.

I don't see her going for this, where we both lose. I think we will end up in one or the other church.
From my perspective, I know many people in her church, so I actually end up farther ahead joining her church then leaving for an Anglican church.

Anglicans also practice infant baptism, and I deliberately left the Anglican church, so I don't see much reason to head down that way again.

Actually, we both like to poke fun at the Anglicans, since we are both conservative Christians. .

[Frankychan]

Originally posted by loinburger
Yeah, I know, I always feel like I'm back in Junior High when I start thinking too much about this crap. "Should I say this? Or maybe that? But what if she thinks this?" If anybody asked me I'd probably say "Who ****ing cares?", but I never think of asking myself.

Nah, Don't feel like that. I was talking to my bro's over a coupla beers and we started talking about this kind of stuff. For us (at least) we agreed that for girls that we don't care about, it doesn't matter what happens. But when we try to hook up with a girl that we really care about, we try to at least put some effort into it.

That's what sucks. I can normally talk to girls but when I really like a girl, I fall apart.

[Sikander]

Originally posted by MRT144
i refer to all my wives as girls

At least you use language precisely.

[Sikander]

Originally posted by SpencerH


I think it depends on how serious she is about her faith. If she's southern-baptist serious you're screwed. If she's Italian-catholic serious you're OK.

If she is Southern Baptist don't give up on it until you have sex with her. Those girls are passionate!

[Sikander]

Originally posted by LTEC!


You're fairly young Cesar. I would say get to know girls as friends first and treat them as equals. That friendship will give you an idea of what you can expect from them or not, and will fructify in them vouching for you with their other friends.
Most girls work in networks. screwup with one and the rest will for sure know it, full details included.

In any case, I would hold off on being stuck with one until you were really sure you would kick yourself for the rest of your life for not asking that particular girl out.

That's damned good advice for young men. It's true, and you'll (Ceasar) be happier for following it.

[MRT144]

wait, no...

[Sikander]

Originally posted by Caesar the Great


oh, i'm quite good at getting into the "friends" zone.... but taking it further i'm batting 0.000

Ah, in that case you need to establish yourself as a sexual being within your peer group. There are a number of ways to go about this. You could get publicly drunk and bed someone, or wait until one of your female friends introduces you to someone you find attractive, and then show an unusually public interest (for you) in that girl. Ask your friend about her, and tell your friend that you like her friend. Whatever happens, your friends will become aware that you are a man as well as their friend. It is probable that you won't be able to move your current friendships into sexual relationships, but this should help keep you safe from forever being in "friends limbo". You may even get your friends to work helping you find someone suitable once the "he's only a friend type person" stigma is broken.

[LTEC!]

HEYYY, Whose thread is it anyway? :LOL:
yeah, Cesar. What he said.
though i'd skip the drunk/bed part since you're underage.

[DaShi]

Originally posted by LTEC!



Besides being yourself? I wouldn't worry too much.
What is happening is that she is in love with the idea of a person she built up in her mind, and that is dangerous only until she really gets to know that person.
Can you love who or what you don't know? Not really. Infatuation, or love at first sight is only a temporary state that is ment to pass once you get to know someone. Some people can back it up, most don't.

This happens in everyday life. You never know who you're going to meet the next second. It might be just someone in passing or the most important person in your life. You would run the same risk of losing a girlfriend whether you're an inch or a 1000 miles away if it is ment to happen.

Only herself is responsible of her feelings, and there's nothing you can do to change them. Maybe when you both meet you'll find that you still care in the same way, or deeper, or not anymore. Its a tossup.
Good luck.

Thanks!

[LTEC!]

Originally posted by loinburger
Yeah, I know, I always feel like I'm back in Junior High when I start thinking too much about this crap. "Should I say this? Or maybe that? But what if she thinks this?" If anybody asked me I'd probably say "Who ****ing cares?", but I never think of asking myself.

I'd say lay your cards down and tell her exactly what you're about. I know its a lot to put on the table but it is exactly what you're doing when you're thinking about committing to someone like this. So let her make an informed desicion. If she can't live with it, maybe she really can't (or shouldn't) live with you.

[Flubber]

Originally posted by Alexander's Horse
Okay, Mrs Horse and I had a fight on the weekend. She told me on Monday when we made up that she loves me but I'm stupid.

What should I do?

Celebrate that you are with a woman wise enough to recognize your stupidity, honest enough to tell you the truth and foolish enough to love you anyway

[LTEC!]

Aren't we all fools?