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Originally posted by 123john321
(Sorry if I sound like a missionairy.)
(Sorry if I sound like a missionairy.)
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It's OK, doesn't make me a believer though. But "Just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening."
"The world is too small in Vorarlberg". Austrian ex-vice-chancellor Hubert Gorbach in a letter to Alistar [sic] Darling, looking for a job...
"Let me break this down for you, fresh from algebra II. A 95% chance to win 5 times means a (95*5) chance to win = 475% chance to win." Wiglaf, Court jester or hayseed, you judge. -
"Dear God, we paid for all this food ourselves...so thanks for nothing."
-Bart
"Because sometimes the only to make yourself feel good is by making someone else look bad....and I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves!"
-Homer
Continuing on Lisa's vegatarian stuff...when she takes Homer's cooked pig and sends it flying down the road in a cart...it hits a bump and goes flying
"It's just a little airborn. It's still good! It's still good!"
-HomerComment
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I keep thinking of new ones!
Where the Simpsons are taking care of Mr. Burn's mansion. They are all eating dinner. There are like 5 forks, and Marge is confused about what one of them is for. Homer, in a "rich" voice, goes:
"I believe you scratch your ass with it!"Comment
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lisa: dad! i had a bad dream!
homer: awww. tell daddy all about it
lisa: i dreamed the boogeyman was chasing me and...
homer: AHHH! BOOGEYMAN!!!
(goes into bart's room)
homer: bart, i don't want to alarm you, but there may be a boogeyman, or boogeyMEN in this house!Comment
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"Lisa, never stop in the middle of a ho down!"
Im sure this was mentioned at least twice. Apologies:-pComment
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"Hello Operator! Gimme the number for 911!" - Homer
"Now I'm not easily impressed... WOAH!!! A BLUE CAR!!!" - Homer
"Worst episode EVER!" - Comic store guy
Lisa: (crying) "I'm not a state! I'm a monster!"
Homer: No. The only monster is the gambling monster that's consumed your mother! And I call him GAMBLOR!!!"
Marge: "Kids can be so cruel."
Bart: "We can? Thanks mom!" (runs into other room)
Lisa: (In other room) "Bart! Stop that!""Corporation, n, An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility." -- Ambrose Bierce
"Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both." -- Benjamin Franklin
"Yes, we did produce a near-perfect republic. But will they keep it? Or will they, in the enjoyment of plenty, lose the memory of freedom? Material abundance without character is the path of destruction." -- Thomas JeffersonComment
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Classic:
Lawyer: Why do you have "Die, Bart, Die" tattooed on your chest?
Sideshow Bob: Oh no no no. (opens shirt to show tattoo) That's merely German for "The Bart, The."
Parole Board Member: Anyone who speaks German couldn't possibly be evil! Parole granted!Tutto nel mondo è burlaComment
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Rex Banner (grabs flanders): Are you the beer baron?
Flanders: well, if you're talking about root beer, than i'm guilt-diddly-ilty as char-diddly-arged!
Rex (to other officers): he's not the baron, but he sounds drunk. take him in.
Rex (grabs comic book guy): Are you the beer baron?
comic book guy: yes, but only by night. by day, i am a modest reporter for a metropolitan newspaper.
Rex: don't get smart with me, tubby
CBG: Tubby?! oh yes, tubby...Comment
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Lisa: Dad! We did something very bad!
Homer: Did you wreck the car?
Lisa & Bart: No.
Homer: Did you raise the dead?
Lisa & Bart: Yes!
Homer: But the car's okay?
Lisa & Bart: Uh-huh.
Homer: Well that's fine then.Tutto nel mondo è burlaComment
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From the Bart the healer episode:
Nerd 3: And I invented a program that downloads porn from the internet 1 million times faster.
Marge: who needs that much porn?
Homer: Mhhh.. 1 million times faster..ahhhghh
President: Now say hello to our all American kicker, Antonin Luvchenko
Luvchenko: groing up in home country poor, luvchnko dreamed of playing American football..
(P. waving hand to get him to end)
Luvchenko: long story short, go Springfield U!
President: Deans Chuckles and Boris (addressing two Goons), make sure he gives all that he can.
Lisa: dad, I think Godzilla was bigger than Superman
Homer: Duh, its not to scale Lisa.
Lovejoy: So you think Church is boring?
Bart: Yes
Lovejoy: Hey, i am doing the best I can with the material
Bart: BUt Church doesn't have to be boring: a good preacher knows how to make church come alive, with music, and singing, and Tae Bo: tu to tu, ta tu tu to
(dances in the aisle, doing Tae Bo as crowd cheers)
Lpvejoy: Never give them an opening....
Some paraphrasing:
Traveling preacher: BUt son, have you ever though what you will do to repent?
Bart:I was thinking a life of sin followed by a presto chango death bed confession.
T.P: Hmm' thats a good plan...wait, no, but what happens if you were to die suddenly?
Bart: Hey, your right...I do need full coverage.
Hibbard: and with barts healing powers, I shoul be able to re-attach that leg in no time
Bart: how many times do i have to tell you all, I have NO healing powers!
Hibbard: well, then more money for me.If you don't like reality, change it! me
"Oh no! I am bested!" Drake
"it is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong" Voltaire
"Patriotism is a pernecious, psychopathic form of idiocy" George Bernard ShawComment
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-Smithers: So Mr.Burns, are you going to donate that 1 million dollar to the disabled children charity fund after all?
-Mr.Burns: If pigs fly Smithers....
....
*They both watch homer's pig fly past their window*"An archaeologist is the best husband a women can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her." - Agatha Christie
"Non mortem timemus, sed cogitationem mortis." - SenecaComment
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Sorry, don't know if this one's been posted before already...
Mr. Burns offers Lisa a check for 10% of the $120,000,000 he got for selling their business.
Lisa: Oh, but I can't accept that, knowing where it came from. Can I? Mom?
[Marge tells Lisa to do whatever her conscience tells her to. Lisa takes the check, and, hestitating, tears it up. Marge tells Lisa that she did the right thing, and Homer collapses.]
Dr. Hibbert at the hospital: Well, that's the first case I've ever seen of a man suffering four simultaneous heart attacks.
Lisa: I'm sorry, Dad.
Homer: It's all right. I understand. But we really could've used that $12,000.
Lisa: [nervously] Um, Dad, ten percent of $120,000,000 isn't $12,000. It's.…
Woman’s voice [over intercom]: Code blue! Code Blue!"Love the earth and sun and animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown . . . reexamine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency" - Walt WhitmanComment
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"Save me Jebus!" -HomerDespot-(1a) : a ruler with absolute power and authority (1b) : a person exercising power tyrannically
Beyond Alpha Centauri-Witness the glory of Sheng-ji Yang
*****Citizen of the Hive****
"...but what sane person would move from Hawaii to Indiana?" -DisComment
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Originally posted by Boris Godunov
Classic:
Lawyer: Why do you have "Die, Bart, Die" tattooed on your chest?
Sideshow Bob: Oh no no no. (opens shirt to show tattoo) That's merely German for "The Bart, The."
Parole Board Member: Anyone who speaks German couldn't possibly be evil! Parole granted!
(Sideshow Bob makes car plates)
IH8BART
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YVAN EHT NIOJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!I drink to one other, and may that other be he, to drink to another, and may that other be me!Comment
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"How many shares will I have to give you to end this conversation?""Paul Hanson, you should give Gibraltar back to the Spanish" - Paiktis, dramatically over-estimating my influence in diplomatic circles.
Eyewerks - you know you want to visit. No really, you do. Go on, click me.Comment
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