Tweet
"Now kids, Lisa comes to the third grade from Ms. Hoover's class [makes chugging alcohol motions] and Bart is from Ms. Krabaple's class. *cough*SLUT*cough*"
-Third Grade Teacher.
-Third Grade Teacher.
-
Exult in your existence, because that very process has blundered unwittingly on its own negation. Only a small, local negation, to be sure: only one species, and only a minority of that species; but there lies hope. [...] Stand tall, Bipedal Ape. The shark may outswim you, the cheetah outrun you, the swift outfly you, the capuchin outclimb you, the elephant outpower you, the redwood outlast you. But you have the biggest gifts of all: the gift of understanding the ruthlessly cruel process that gave us all existence [and the] gift of revulsion against its implications.
-Richard Dawkins -
I bent my wookie."My nation is the world, and my religion is to do good." --Thomas Paine
"The subject of onanism is inexhaustable." --Sigmund FreudComment
-
Homer: No beer and no TV make Homer something something.
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Don't mind if I do!
-Arriangrog want tank...Grog Want Tank... GROG WANT TANK!
The trick isn't to break some eggs to make an omelette, it's convincing the eggs to break themselves in order to aspire to omelettehood.Comment
-
"I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if it’s SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called "The bus that couldn’t slow down."
- Homer
"Last night's 'Itchy & Scratchy' was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world."
- Comic Book GuyIf I'm posting here then Counterglow must be down.Comment
-
"Mmm waffle run-off" - Homer
"Mmm urinal fresh" - HomerCSPAComment
-
and of course
"Mmm elephant fresh" - HomerCSPAComment
-
"Last night's 'Itchy & Scratchy' was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world."
- Comic Book Guy
Damn...that sounds remotely familiar
<Kassiopeia> you don't keep the virgins in your lair at a sodomising distance from your beasts or male prisoners. If you devirginised them yourself, though, that's another story. If they devirginised each other, then, I hope you had that webcam running.
Play Bumps! No, wait, play Slings!Comment
-
"The wars of the future will not be fought on the battlefield or at sea. They will be fought in space, or possibly on top of a very tall mountain. In either case, most of the actual fighting will be done by small robots. And as you go forth today remember always your duty is clear: To build and maintain those robots. Thank you. " - Military school Commandant's graduation address"The issue is there are still many people out there that use religion as a crutch for bigotry and hate. Like Ben."
Ben Kenobi: "That means I'm doing something right. "Comment
-
Homer:
"Space Aliens! Don't eat me, I have a wife and kids - eat them!"The true nature of a man is shown by what he would do if he knew he would never be found out.Comment
-
This wasn't in NYC! It was at the Ogdenville Outlet mall!Originally posted by Boris Godunov
"I know a genuine Panaphonics when I see one! And look, there's Magnetbox and Sorny!" - Homer in NYC
"Nothing can possiblay go wrong; possibly go wrong..that's the first thing thats ever gone wrong" Helicopter pilot at Ichy and Scratchy Land.
"Sloppy shooting Simpson, you missed the baby, and the mother, and the..." Chief Wiggum
"Ahe. but when they took the banddages off, the ugliest man in Glascow wasn't good enough for ya!" Willy to Sherry Bobbins
(not the best, but the ones that came to my head.)If you don't like reality, change it! me
"Oh no! I am bested!" Drake
"it is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong" Voltaire
"Patriotism is a pernecious, psychopathic form of idiocy" George Bernard ShawComment
-
"BEST....DEATH...EVER"
-Comic book guy in some halloween episode
Homer: Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
Post office guy: Ok, mr. burns, what's your first name.
Homer: I don't know.
"Simpson...Homer Simpson, he's the greatest guy in history. From the, town of springfield, he's about to hit a chestnut tree. Ahhh!!!"
"Shut up brain or I'll stab you with a q-tip"
"I work hard for the money
so hard for the money
oh what something something money
come on give me lots of honey"
-Homer Simpson
See my vest: -Mr. Burns
You see, some men hunt for sport,
others hunt for food
The only thing I'm hunting for
Is an outfit that looks good
See my vest, see my vest,
made from real gorilla chest
See this sweater there's no better
than authentic Irish setter
see this hat, 'twas my cat
My evening wear a vampire bat
This white slippers are albino
African endangered rhino
Grizzly bear underwear
Turtles necks I've got my share
Beret of poodle on my noodle it shall rest!
Try my red robin suit
It comes one breast or two
see my vest, see my vest, see my vest
Like my loafers
former gophers
It was that or skin my chauffeurs
But a greyhound fur tuxedo would be best
So lets prepare these dogs
kill two for matching clogs
see my vest
see my vest
oh, please, won't you see my veesssst
Stonecutters theme
Who controls the British crown
Who keeps the metric system down
We do!
We do!
Who leaves Atlantis off the maps
Who keeps the Martians under wraps
We do!
We do!
Who holds back the electric car
Who makes Steve Guttenberg a star
We do!
We do!
Who robs the cave fish of their sight
Who rigs every Oscar night
We do!
We do!Comment
-
*when Marge went to work at the nuclear plant*
Smithers: But, sir, you've given her my office!
Mr. Burns: Don't worry, Smithers, I'm putting you where the action is.
Smithers: (next seen cleaning urinals) Springtime fresh, clear white. What could be better?
Homer: (barging in) Man, I really gotta take a whiz!
Smithers: NOOOOOO!!!!"People sit in chairs!" - Bobby BaccalieriComment
-
To which Marge replied:Originally posted by UberKruX
"Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so that it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use."
-homer
"Homer, have you been reading that Ross Perot pamplet again?"
"People sit in chairs!" - Bobby BaccalieriComment
-
"Oh Lisa, you and your stories. Bart is a vampire. Beer kills brain cells. Pffft. Now let's go back to that...building thingy...where our beds and TV...is..." - Homer.
"Marge! I need one of those metal dealies. You know--the ones you use to dig food?"
"You mean a spoon?"
"Yeah Yeah Yeah!!"
Lou and Eddie interrogate Moe while he’s hooked up to a lie detector.)
Eddie: Did you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?
Moe: No! (piercing buzz) All right, maybe I did, but I didn’t shoot him. (pleasant ding)
Eddie: Checks out. Okay, sir, you’re free to go.
Moe: Good, ‘cause I got a hot date tonight. (buzz)
A date. (buzz)
Dinner with friends. (buzz)
Dinner alone. (buzz)
Watching TV alone. (buzz)
All right! I’m going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria’s Secret Catalog. (buzz)
(ashamed) Sears catalog. (ding)
Now would you unhook this already please?! I don’t deserve this kind of shabby treatment! (buzz)Tutto nel mondo è burlaComment
-
*Lisa Lionheart doll episode*
Lisa: It sucks being a kid; no one listens to ya.
Grandpa: It's rotten being old; no one listens to ya.
Homer: I'm a white male, age 18 to 45. Everyone listens to me, no matter how stupid my suggestions are. (pulls out a can of "Nuts 'n Gum: Together at Last!")
"People sit in chairs!" - Bobby BaccalieriComment
Comment