Great lines from the Simpsons

[Laertes]

There's a fire (or similar incident) at Moe's:

Someone: Everyone make for the exit
Barney: There's an exit?

Bart: I could go to sleep and never wake up again
Grandpa: Welcome to my world

Bart: Dad, we preferred your half-assed approach to under-parenting to your half-assed approach to over-parenting
Homer: But I'm using my whole ass

[Phil_de_geezer]

Simpsons quotes, eh?

"sure, i'll just write it up on my invisible typewriter" - Chief Wiggum after being told about Stampy.


"Dad, what religion are you?"
"You know the one with all the good meaning stuff that doesnt work out in real life"
"Christianity?"


"ooh, a sarcasm monitor. That's a really great invention" - comic book store guy


"Ah great, mormons" - homer on opening the door to 2 aliens.


"Homer Simpson smiling politely" - Homer when meeting Billy Corgan of the Smashing Pumpkins.

"Ahoi hoi?" - Burns answering the phone.

[Wernazuma III]

Someone here at Poly used to have a Simpson qutoe in his sig., which I thought was extremely good (see if I can remember it):

Mr. Burns: "Exploitation and opression are a moderate price to live in the land of free."

[Sarxis]

Marge- "You've turned our town into a trash-hole!"
Homer- "Ix-nay on the Ash-hole-tray."

[Wernazuma III]

I'm sorry to invade again. I can't remember a sequence well, which I thought was very funny.

It was Sunday School and the kids asked questions like:
Kid1: "Can my guinee-pig "Mel" go to heaven when it's dead?"
Teacher: "No."
Kid2: Can my baby brother who hasn't been baptized before death go to heaven?"
Teacher: "No."
etc.
Finally Bart says something like:
"If you kill your family with an axe, rape your grandmother etc. etc. but in the last second of your life confess, can you go to heaven?"
Teacher: "Bart, how often have I told you? Yes, of course!"

Can someone enlighten me how this sequence really was? Sorry for my a little bit fuzzy way to express myself here.

[FrustratedPoet]

Marge: Homer! There's a man here who says he can help you!

Homer: Batman?

Marge: No, he's a scientist.

Homer: Batman's a scientist?

[reismark]

End of Treehouse of Horror XI

Kang: Can you believe it, Kodos? They left us out of the Halloween show!
Kodos: Are you sure the space phone is working?
(Kang tries it)
Kodos: Hang up, they could be trying to call right now!
Kang: I knew we should have sent them a muffin basket...
(The phone rings. Kodos answers.)
Kodos: Kang and Kodos Productions... uh-huh... yes... just a second...
(He covers the mouthpiece.)
Kodos: Do we want to do a commercial for something called "Old Navy?"
Kang: (shrugs) Ehh, work is work...

[Jules]

"Hello, Smithers. You're quite good, and turning me on!"
- computer-generated Mr. Burns on Smithers' PC

[Japher]

Homer, singing with glee:

"I am so smart, S-M-R-T... I mean S-M-A-R-T"

[Jules]

"C'mon, Bart, remember what Vince Lombardi said: if you lose, you're outta the family!" - Homer

[Kingof the Apes]

"Ouch! What is that strange sensation?"

"I believe your heart is beating again, sir"

Smithers and Mr. Burns after Mr. Burns gets hit by lightning.

"Mom, the medication made my testicles swell up."

"Bart, stop being silly and give back the oranges"
And Marge puts the oranges into the lunchbags.

[Japher]

paraphrase

Ralph: Teacher the worm accidently jumped in my mouth and I ate it. Can I have another?
Teacher: No Ralph, just put you head down and go to sleep.
Ralph: Yeah, that's where I'm a Viking!

[Col Bigspear]

Head Stonecutter: "Now lets all get drunk and play Ping Pong"

Homer: "That does it. If im going to be trapped inside the house all day, i've got to go out and get some beer"

Homer: (buying Illegal Fireworks) "Lets see, i'll take a porno Mag,mmmm Box of condoms, bottle of Jack Daniels...and some illegal fireworks"

Later on Marge is unpacking the shopping
Marge: "Homer, I don't know what you have planned for tonight, but count me out"

[Sava]

Ralph Wiggum: "I sleep in a drawer!"

[Boris Godunov]

Ralph: My cat's breath smells like cat food!