Great lines from the Simpsons

[Rogan Josh]

On my sig
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[Gustavus]

"Discarded pizza boxes are an inexpensible source of cheese" Homers half brother Herb after coming in off the street.

[Boris Godunov]

Mr. Burns: "I am completely self reli -- (opens mouth, Smithers inserts peanut) -- ant."

Grandpa: "I'm old! Gimee gimee gimee!"

Agent: "Are you insane or just senile?"
Grandpa: "A little from column A, a little from column B"

[Kontiki]

Ah, yes, good old Grandpa:

"You're right we should have soft-boiled eggs....God created old people for a reason - to find fault with everything on his green Earth"

And, of course, Apu:

"Oh, you've got to be kidding. First, you come up with an idea for a book that's already been done and then you give it a name that no one could possibly like.... one of the top selling movies of all time..... 50 weeks on the New York Times best seller's list, what were you thinking! I mean, thank you, come again."

[dudemanjack]

"Mr. Simpson, please take your things and get out! And come again." or something like that
-Apu

[Boris Godunov]

Homer: Apu, give me that beer that has the Skittles in it . You know--Skittlebrau.
Apu: There is no such thing.
Homer: Oh. Well then give me a six-pack of beer and a pack of Skittles then.

[Jules]

More Apu...and a song:

Apu: You see, whether igloo, hut, or lean-to, or a geodesic
dome, There's no structure I have been to, which I'd
rather call my home.

When I first arrived, you were all such jerks,
But now I've come to looooooove your quirks.

Maggie with her eyes so bright,
Marge with hair by Frank Lloyd Wright,
Lisa can philosophise, Bart's adept at spinning lies,
Homer's a delightful fella, sorry 'bout the salmonella.

Homer: Heh heh, that's OK.

Apu: Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Now here comes the tricky part.
Oh, won't you rhyme with me?
Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?

Marge: Their floors are stick-E-Mart,

Lisa: They made Dad sick-E-Mart,

Bart: Let's hurl a brick-E-Mart,

Homer: The Kwik-E-Mart is real... D'oh!

Simpsons: Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?

Apu: Not meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...[held for next three lines]

Simpsons: Forget the Kwik-E-Mart,
Goodbye to Kwik-E-Mart,
Who needs the Kwik-E-mart?

Apu: Not me.

[dudemanjack]

"who needs the kwik-e-mart............I dooooooooooo"
-Apu (sobbing)

[Inverse Icarus]

"thank you for your banana nut bread. here, please have a baby."
-Apu with his octupulets

"Jesus Buddah Allah, I LOVE YOU ALL!"
-Homer about to get killed by a rhino

[Imran Siddiqui]

Lisa: Didn't you wonder why you were getting all the money for nothing?
Grampa: I thought it was because the Democrats were in power again.

[mrboo123]

Originally posted by Wernazuma III
(...)It was Sunday School and the kids asked questions like:
Kid1: "Can my guinee-pig "Mel" go to heaven when it's dead?"
Teacher: "No."
Kid2: Can my baby brother who hasn't been baptized before death go to heaven?"
Teacher: "No."
etc.(..)

In my church (the mormon church,) all living thing that aren't human goes to heaven, because they don't know right from wrong, and babies that aren't baptized can to go heaven too! (Sorry if I sound like a missionairy.)

[Thrawn05]

(I don't think I got this one right, but it still is funny)

Homer: Oh sure Lisa, like there is one all MAGICAL animal that provides us with Pork Chops, Bacon, Hot Dogs, Sausages, and Ham.

Homer: Marge, how cold can your oven get? (After the Frig burns out when Homer tried to use it as an AC).

Homer: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!! (What Homers says after waking up from a nightmare were Bart punched him in a boxing ring. At which point he fell right back to sleep).

Homer: (singing), My baloney has a first name, it's H-O-M-E-R. My balony has a second name, it's H-O-M-E-R.

And of course, the opening squence for "The Tompsons", when the Simpsons go under witness protection program.

[Traianvs]

-Look what happened to me without my pills!!!!

When Grandpa nearly turned into a women after been left alone by the Simpsons.

[Inverse Icarus]

Originally posted by Thrawn05
(I don't think I got this one right, but it still is funny)

Homer: Oh sure Lisa, like there is one all MAGICAL animal that provides us with Pork Chops, Bacon, Hot Dogs, Sausages, and Ham.

Homer: Marge, how cold can your oven get? (After the Frig burns out when Homer tried to use it as an AC).

the exact quote is:

homer: "so you're not going to eat any animals? what about bacon?"
lisa: "no"
homer: "ham?"
lia: "no"
homer: "pork chops!?"
lisa: "dad, those all come from the same animal!"
homer: "yes lisa, a magical animal."

[Tuberski]

Paraphrasing

Apu to Homer "May I interst you in an after dinner burrito?"



ACK!