Great lines from the Simpsons

[Kontiki]

I was inspired by my best episodes thread, just thinking about all the great stuff in the Simpsons. Here's a few I can think of right now (can't remember if they are perfect):

"Look at me, I've been out of the house for a day and I'm as dirty as a Frenchman!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Dr. Hibberd - I should warn you that he may try to sniff around your crotch.

Homer - I've been around Scotsmen before.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

"In a way, you're both winners. But, in a more accurate way, Barney's the winner."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

"The fingers you have used for dialing are too fat. Please stay on the line for assistance, or, mash the keypad to order a special dialing wand."

[Caligastia]

Can't think of any right now, but those are good.

[Docfeelgood]

" when I can't stop fiddelin I take my riddelin...."

[chequita guevara]

Oh look, they have the internet on computers too.

[Sandman]

Are you kids hugging the TV?

No...

[Boris Godunov]

"Bonjourrrrr ya greasy, cheese-eatin' surrender monkeys!" - Groundskeeper Willy teaching a French Class.

"Weaseling out of things is good for the boy! It's what separates man from the animals. Except the weasel." - Homer

"As punishment for your desertion, it is company policy to give you the plague." - Mr. Burns
"Uh, sir, that's the plaque." - Smithers.

"Uh no, ya got the wrong number...this is 912..." - Chief Wiggum

"I ate all my caps! *POW* Oof!" - Ralph Wiggum

"Wow, I'll never drink another beer again."
"Beer here!"
"I'll take 10!" - Homer

"I know a genuine Panaphonics when I see one! And look, there's Magnetbox and Sorny!" - Homer in NYC

"I'm finally getting my comeuppance!" - Homer

"You su-diddly-uck, Flanders!" - Homer

[Kontiki]

"So, do you, uh, like stuff?" - Ralph Wiggum

"The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nose bleeds if I kept my fingers out of there." - Ralph again

[Garth Vader]

Krusty (to guest on show): So, why do they call this a Urine Monkey. Oh, I think I just found out.

Ned: Tonight's the night I do my chairty work.
Homer: Oh yeah, judge made me do that once too. Stupid lack of public urinals.

[Sandman]

It's important to note that groundskeeper Willie is not an accurate depiction of the typical Scot. He is really funny, however.

When I was watching it in a pub, and he started insulting 'South Edinburgh golfers' everybody started cheering...

"Grease me, woman!"

"A wee nip o' courage" (drinks whisky)

"I didnae cry when ma own father wiz hung for stealing a pig, but I'll cry now"

Edited for spelling of 'dipication'

[chequita guevara]

Originally posted by Sandman
"Grease me, woman!"

The look on her face was priceless. "Okay."

[Lemmy]

Homer: "Kids, there's three ways to do things. The right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way!"
Bart: "Isn't that the wrong way?"
Homer: "Yeah, but faster!"

Trent: "So where to eat? You like Thai?"
Homer: "Tie good. You like shirt?"

Homer: "Marge, this is Thai food. From now on, I want it morning, noon, and night."

[Kontiki]

"More testicles mean more iron" - Lunch Lady Doris, adding more horse testicles to the stew

[Inverse Icarus]

"Marge, I agree with you -- in theory. In theory, communism works. In theory."
-homer

"if you hate your job, you don't strike, you just go in there every day and do it really half assed. that's the american way"
-homer

"it tastes like... burning"
-ralph

"remember ralphie, if your nose starts bleeding, it means you're picking it too much. or not enough."
-wiggum

"Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!"
-homer

"in america, first you get the shuugah, then you get the money, then you get the weemen"
-homer

"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'."
-homer

"Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy."
-homer

"Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!"
-homer

"Ha ha! Look at this country! ? U R Gay!? Ha ha!" (looking at Uruguay on the globe).
-homer

"Beer. Now there's a temporary solution."
-homer

"Trying is the first step towards failure."
-homer

"I like my beer cold…my TV loud…and my homosexuals flaming."
-homer

"Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so that it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use."
-homer

"If something is to hard to do, then it's not worth doing."
-homer

"Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?"
-homer

"Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such."
-homer

"And Lord, we are especially thankful for nuclear power, the cleanest, safest energy source there is. Except for solar, which is just a pipe dream."
-homer

"Marge, there's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer."
-homer

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Contrary to what you've just seen, war is neither glamorous nor fun. There are no winners, only losers. There are no good wars, with the following exceptions: The American Revolution, World War II, and the Star Wars Trilogy. If you'd like to learn more about war, there's lots of books in your local library, many of them with cool, gory pictures."
-bart

"There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson."
-bart

[Sandman]

I'm going to award Lunchlady Doris the title of most underused character in The Simpsons.

Runners up include Dr Marvin Monroe, that guy that sells them the RV in series 1 and Miss Hoover.

Most overused character is the unfunny Gil, or Krusty. Krusty's funny, but he often appears for no reason in the story.

[red_jon]

"You don't think I got this rich by writing a lot of cheques [evil but nerdy laugh]" - Bill Gates

"I want a baby. Now." - Edna Krabapple.