The Conquest Thread

[Frankychan]

Thanks! ranskaldan!


*News Flash!!!*

The democratic government of New Zealand has been overthrown by a military coup. The military regime, headed by General Frank, has declared itself free of the "evils" of capitalism and has declared itself a fully functioning communist state.

Their leader, General Frank, has been quoted as saying:

"This is a monumental event. No longer are we slaves to the dollar. No longer do we seek to exploit one another for monetary gain. The people have spoken and I have taken it upon myself to answer them!

I hereby declare the birth of The People's Republic of New Zealand!"

[Boris Godunov]

Guymener, I would you like some free starburst?

[Az]

.Dom Pedro the 2nd, remember that we need those space franchises for minerals, gems , and also we'll be etablishing a place to run volountary social engineering tests. I will have the final say on all policy desicions considering the southern federation and both it's on and off-planet policies. ok?

Guynemer , if you join the Lima pact , you will also have the protection of my forward territorial troops in the region of Kamchatka & Sakhalin, that will provide a buffer zone against evil finnish encroachment tactics.

[Frankychan]

*News Flash!!!*

General Frank has formally declared himself Chairman Frank of the People's Republic of New Zealand. Reporters quote him saying:

"With the birth of a new day in New Zealand, the people ask for stability. Therefore, the SSRNZ (Soviet Social Republic of New Zealand) petitions to be included in the Honolulu Pact with Richelieu and Tungstenia.

As the newly appointed chairman, I humbly ask for the help of all communist states so that we may all join in the new Soviet regime."

There are reports of dissident protests in the countryside but Chairman Frank is steadfast that no protests are being staged. More late breaking news as it happens...

[History Guy]

King Vlad History Guy sits up in his chair as Pigtree reads him the morning news. "What?! Commies in New Zealand??! COMMIES?! REDS!! Gag me with a spoon! Any Eastern European hates Commies...Commies...ooooh...they are almost as bad as Turks!!! Turks...ah, the good old days, when we use to take the Turks and stick them on..."

"What shall we do concerning the New Zealanders and this 'Chairman Frank'?"

"Well, we could also detonate that bomb in his imported Eastern European sausage...or we could make friends!"
---

A Message to Frank, Chairman of the People's Republic of New Zealand

Greetings!

You ain't commie are ya?

Anyway, how's about a nice friendly treaty to go with our trades? You've been sending us snowcones and we've been sending you sausages. Now, more is needed. Will you be brave enough to take on King Vlad History Guy in battle? I hope not...So, why don't you just avoid it and 'sign up today' as a friend of Eastern Europe and her allies?

Think it over, why dontcha!
King Vlad History Guy, of Historia Goy, Transylvania, Haaaah haaaaaah haaaaah!
---

A Letter in a Bottle bounces across the nose of a dolphin off Cuba

Hey, you dolphins! You sure made one heck of a mistake! There's always time to repent! If you don't change your ways, we'll add some DOLPHIN meat into the TUNA we ship!!

Signed,
Ahahahahahahaha!
King Vlad History Guy
---

[History Guy]

Guymener! Old chum! Have a cigar! Have a sausage! You aren't going to betray Europe for those upstart Yanks are you? Remember! They broke off when they were just a bloody little colony! Hey! We'll help build up your empire again if you ally with us! Lima only seeks to...give you a sense of security and then, in a lightning night raid, blow up all cricket fields, and land troops on Parliament!! Think of it!! Anyway, my own Secretary, Pigtree Olliphant-Jones, is a Brit. So, look at it this way, your friends are with us, not them!

[Ari Rahikkala]

Everybody has a people's republic... Why won't people think up any novel government systems? For the time being, the Duchy of Straylight is a monarchy with a feodalist system, however, that might change...

[History Guy]

...I don't think the dolphins have noticed the bits of dolphin in the tuna cans we sent yet!!...

[ranskaldan]

Guymener:

I have no idea why the Alaskans would want to identify themselves with the cricket-playing, tea-drinking, fox-hunting Brits. If anything it should be the Canucks who would do that, and we aren't, so why would you?

Besides, we aren't Yankees. The Yanks are in Antarctica. We are Canucks, eh, and I'm sure you can figure oat by yourselves that we are in the same boat together, same continent, same enemy, etc etc.

[Guynemer]

While I have always admired the Canadians, I am afeared that your new warlike stances might drag our peaceful Eco-Republic into a confrontation that we did not start--but we would most assuredly finish. Another mutual defense pact, perhaps, but we will enter into an arrangement that would require us to become conquerers.

We thank you, Boris Godunov.

President Guynemer
Eco-Republic of Alaska

[History Guy]

Oh pygmy...Britain! Do we have to go across the channel? Look at Eastern Europe, for example. Controls East Europe, Germany, and part of France. France is divided into quarters, the Eastern Quarter, the Finnish Quarter, and the Mongolian Quarter. The last quarter is reserved for Britain IF they join us in the Pact of All Pacts!!

[Ari Rahikkala]

Allright, Vlad, you just made it serious... Well, half so...

* EAST EUROPEAN NEWS *

NEWSFLASH: Manhunters spotted in Krecwazck-Zjkqa!

The peaceful sea-side village of Krecwazck-Zjkqa (empire of Eastern Europte) has been attacked by mysterious guerrilla invaders. Several civilians have been reported disappeared. Flags of the Duchy of Straylight ( http://www.lyseo.edu.ouka.fi/~lighte...ylightflag.png ) with the words "FAIR REVENGE" scribbled over have been found from the homes of the missing. We are also getting reports of consumed human skeletons being found from the coasts. EEN will keep you informed.

End special report.

[History Guy]

DOLPHIN NEWS FLASH!!

In the little dolphin underwater city of 'Squeak-Squeak-Gargle' several dolphins have mysteriously vanished. Apparently, Eugene Hoookle, a dolphin citizen, saw "guys in swim suits, snatching some of our aquatic neighbors". Scrawled on a doorpost is a little message reading "FAIR REVENGE ON THE AVENGERS". Horrifically, dolphin and tuna skeletons, eaten away to the bone, were found in caves outside the underwater village. One of the skeletons obviously belonged to Jimmy Gargle, a poor dolphin citizen snatched from his dining room. Reports will be released by the hour.

[Kassiopeia]

SUOMEN TIETOTOIMISTON (STT) UUTISIA

NEWSFLASH FROM THE FINNISH NEWS AGENCY (FNA)

Tensions between the members of the Pact of All Pacts and the Duchy of Stralight rise as our magnificent allies, the Eastern European Empire, and it's great leader Vlad History Guy, has aired his concern over the increased aggressiveness of the dolphin citizens of the Straylight Duchy.
Commander-Dictator-Chief President Kass could not be reached for a comment, his secretary only urged our reporters to shut up and let Kass listen to some theme music from Babylon 5...

[Ari Rahikkala]

The Citizens of the Duchy of Straylight thought of airing their concern of the mental health of Lesser President Kass, until they found out that their own leader, Duke LightEning, was again listening to the Machine...