A question for the Great Sages of Apolyton

[Ecthy]

he should do her.

[CerberusIV]

Originally posted by Urban Ranger
For all his faults, calling Howard a loser is a bit over the top don't you think? So he was indecisive the first time around and now wouldn't let go, but don't we all have our own hang-ups?

No, I don't actually. Being a loser is a state of mind. Either Howard does something to resolve the situation or he doesn't. If he can't/won't resolve this he probably has other unresolved issues in his life that are also holding him back.

At the grand old age of 42 I don't regret the things I have done, only some of the things I didn't do. I have given my considered opinion. If anyone finds it a bit strong, or even offensive, I would only say that wasn't the intent.

[Cruddy]

If it was me... I'd see if the woman was available. Something along the lines of,

"Do you want me as your boyfriend?".

If no, find someone else. If yes, forget the past 4 years.

If he's too retarded to do this, he doesn't deserve to breed.

[rah]

Originally posted by CerberusIV

At the grand old age of 42 I don't regret the things I have done, only some of the things I didn't do

Best quote in this thread.

It's time for him to find out now before he's tortured for another 4 years. You can't win if you don't play.

[Az]

fdphg

[Elok]

I think we need more information to go on before making this kind of decision. While most women bore me equally, I do recognize that there are a lot of different kinds of them, and I don't think we know enough to be sure what any of Yvonne's motives are, or if Howard has genuine love or an erotic obsession going on. I've seen both in my more sucessful and outgoing friends, and they can be startlingly similar.
I'm not qualified to help, of course, since I'm in a comparable but less screwed-up situation. Five days earlier and she probably would have been single. Argh. Thing is, I know what I'm doing now. The girl is good enough to wait for as far as I'm concerned, so I'm going to just try to get to know her as well as I can, be as good of a friend as I can, until she is available again (I know that being "friends" is supposed to be the kiss of death, but since she already knows I'd like to be more than friends, the situation is merely awkward-but-salvageable). Howard, on the other hand, appears to be standing on thin air with a deer-in-the-headlights look in his face waiting for help that nobody else can give him, just judging from what you've told us. Since I can't imagine anybody solving his mess but him, I'd say the most important thing is to try something-anything but what he's doing now. In my own ignorant opinion, of course. Maybe he needs a shrink, or a priest. I don't know...

[mindseye]

Sorry, but Howard is pathetic.

After six years he is still mooning over this woman? He has lost six precious, irreplaceable years of his youth in an attempt to win a prize he is, quite frankly, not fit for. A man with such lame social abilities is not going to do well at the side of a professional actress.

China has SIX HUNDRED MILLION women. If he thinks that all of his hopes for happiness are tied to one glamorous starlet, then, well, he is being silly and immature.

Howard needs a bucket of cold water in the face and some serious, mature advice about moving on before he wastes yet another year of his life wringing his hands over dusty penpal letters. If you are his friend, UR, you will give that to him.

Good luck to him!

[Az]

I sort of see where mindseye is coming from, though I do think that if he still gets her, all is forgiven, in the end.

[Urban Ranger]

Originally posted by CerberusIV
If he can't/won't resolve this he probably has other unresolved issues in his life that are also holding him back.

Not that I know of, then again, I don't know him for that long. He's practising at a local hospital, and is pretty high up in the chain of command. Howard is sort of a reverse idiot savant, being really bad at this one thing.

Originally posted by CerberusIV
At the grand old age of 42 I don't regret the things I have done, only some of the things I didn't do.

Apparently, same with him.

Originally posted by mindseye
After six years he is still mooning over this woman?

Some call it bloody singlemindedness

Seriously, I have seem people at both ends of the spectrum. Some shrugs it off after a couple of weeks, some others, might take a decade or more to heal.

Originally posted by mindseye
He has lost six precious, irreplaceable years of his youth in an attempt to win a prize he is, quite frankly, not fit for.

I wouldn't say it's a total loss. He has been much more driven in his profession than he may have otherwise. Works 90-hour weeks at times (see below).

Originally posted by mindseye
A man with such lame social abilities is not going to do well at the side of a professional actress.

He's not social lame, I'd say quite graceful, much better than me anyway (that's not saying anything, I usually just sit in a corner ). Rather coincidentally, Yvonne is not attracted social functions at all. That might be the reason why she's not doing as well as her talents indicate.

Originally posted by mindseye
If he thinks that all of his hopes for happiness are tied to one glamorous starlet, then, well, he is being silly and immature.

It's a very strange, choronic, recurring "disease." Howard could go for long stretches normally, then he would be hit and got this blue funk over him. That's when he turns into a workaholic and pull long working hours. Usually after a week, he'll return to normal. The occurance is random, except in December and February, when the symptoms are especially strong. He told me he had a bad run, which was a continuous stretch from December 1999 - March 2000, 3 and 1/2 months.

[Japher]

I really think he should talk to her and express his feelings and desires to her...

It is wrong to fool himself of his feelings and deprive himself of an opportunity, he will regret it, and what is he going to do if they get married?

It is wrong of him to deprive or keep the truth from her, she is his friend after all.

He has nothing to lose. If she respocate than great, if not he has a psycho with a lot of baggage of his hands.

The only person one is responsible for is themselves and the ones they love.

Just tell her!

[Urban Ranger]

Originally posted by Elok
I think we need more information to go on before making this kind of decision.

If you have more concrete questions, I may be able to answer them.

Originally posted by Elok
and I don't think we know enough to be sure what any of Yvonne's motives are

I don't think she's stringing him along if that's what you mean. As far as I can see, poor Howard missed the train as Imran said, so he settled for being a friend.

Originally posted by Elok
or if Howard has genuine love or an erotic obsession going on.

No idea, but probably won't make a difference at this point. I reckon, though, if it's some kind of obsession, he would have already done something to Yvonne, up to and including killing her.

[Urban Ranger]

One more thing, I am not sure if it helps or muddles.

In some scenes of her latest film, Yvonne was wearing the diamond pendant Howard gave her on her birthday in 1997.

[Japher]

Yup.

Urban Ranger, I mean Howard, better tell her that he loves her... Sheesh I mean he gives her a diamond necklace in the same year he meets her?

He may have missed the boat, but he'd be a fool to continue to play with HIS emotions like this any more... He needs to fess up or cut himself free.

[Ben Kenobi]

Diamond pendant?

Didn't she ask why? I know that if I ever gave a gift like that, the first question that would come up is why are you giving me this gift?

[Az]

what Japher said.